I told her but messed up. Now I can’t stop thinking about it

I'll try to make this short. I've known this girl since I was 15 (I'm almost 20 now) me and her weren't friends but she flirted with me a lot for 3 years. I knew she was flirting but I thought nothing of it but I got things kind of confirmed when one of my friends told me she (my crush) kept staring at me and thinks she likes me (when we were 15 or 16). Then when we were 17, my crush started to make hints more obvious. She would hold eye contact and be more bold about her flirting, like once I was walking in the hall but she was standing by the lockers and she was looking me up and down and smirking. Then after graduating high school, she saw me outside and came up to me to say hi.

After that, I was like okay she likes me too, I'm not imagining it. So I followed her on Instagram, she followed back, then we added each other on Snapchat and started talking. We talked for a month before I told her I liked her, she said she didn't know, we talked daily still but then she brought up dating but I'm in the closet, I've never dated anyone, and my family is homophobic so I rejected her. I didn't tell her about my situation, I just rejected her. The way I said it was really mean too (I told her the crush was when i was 16, I'm different now (19 years old) and don't like her. I'm not texting her to date, we can be friends... but I wasn't texting her to be friends)... we started talking less after that. But also school was happening and when I texted her in September or October she told me she was so stressed, lonely and busy so I left her alone (which now that I think about it, was her asking for comfort I think?) Now we don't talk anymore. It happened from august to like November.

I texted her in March, we talked for like 2 days but it was a dry conversation. Then I apologized again after apologizing in November and asked if she wanted to hang out. She left me on read. I kept thinking about it since last week so I texted her "hey. if you don't wanna talk I get it" 3 days ago and she didn't open it. I feel bad because I hurt her feelings and I really like her but I messed things up so bad. That was basically my first impression because we never really talked at school after being there for 4 years. I know she (probably) doesn't like me anymore but I feel so guilty because I ruined things and dissed her for no reason. I can't stop thinking about how I messed up with her. Even when I do hobbies and distract myself, it comes into my mind. I apologized 2 times and she says it's okay and she doesn't hate me but I know she does and I feel so bad.