Lesbian relationship issues & insecurities
I have thoughts that my girlfriend are looking at men or when they come on to with there shirt off or something or someone attractive she twitches but she says it’s anxiety but she’s never been with a man she tells me over and over I’m tripping but I see it with my own eyes it’s only when men come on the tv she twitches or starts messing with her nails. She says I’m this way because my past relationship I was cheated on with a man. But idk I feel she attracted to men and I feel like I need to look like one i just hate these thoughts it makes me so angry so we argue all the time she cries to me says I need serious help but I don’t know man
@KL26 Hiya, I'm sorry things are difficult for you in the relationship at the moment. It sounds like you're having trouble in this relationship because a previous partner cheated on you with a man? I think this would affect anyone, there's something especially hurtful when a partner does this and can leave you feeling lied to - as if the whole relationship was a lie. It's not surprising you're feeling a little uneasy about this current relationship as well, when you've experienced trauma, you tend to be on the lookout for something similar happening - something called hypervigilance.
I'm glad you're talking in the relationship about it, and that you've come here and I'm sorry it's starting to make you question everything, even to the extent of being more "manly" so that your partner doesn't leave. However, just because one relationship ended in that way, it doesn't mean that everyone will behave in the same way. Instead of questioning her about her twitching or looking at her nails, maybe talk about how you're feeling insecure, and need lots of reassurance in the relationship, and ask her what she wants/needs.
Another good way of bonding and feeling safe in a relationship is to recall the happy times together, and the fun that you have, and being thankful for the little things that she does, or that you do for each other. Re-enforcing the security of the relationship not only makes the relationship feel more solid, but also brings you closer together. There's no reason to try and be someone you're not, there was obviously a spark between you to get you together and it's that that she fell for in the first place.
I wish you both well, and hope that you find a way to re-establish those loving bonds :)