Losing my self

T//W hi.. Idk where to start but I have a need to share my story I'm now 20y.. I'm still living with my family because i have no other choice.. I've been mentally and physically abused by them since i was a child until now.. and everything has worsen since they knew about my sexuality.. I live in an extremely homophobic country I was sexually abused since i was 14 for 6 years straight My family is extremely toxic by every meaning u can imagine for this word. Ik I've been through a lot and I've fought a lot inside my brain and what's outside me.. I've managed my depression, suicidal thoughts, self harm, anxiety, addiction from a really young age.. but since my sexuality was revealed in the worst way possible for them the toxicity is not bearable anymore and I'm not as strong.. I've had horrible threats idk even know how I've gotten out of this alive.. they almost killed me and I'm used to get locked in the house since I was younger but it was for a longer period this time. The threats and danger wasn't just from them but outside too I was forced to get healed from this "disease" i have.. I went along in order to be safe Ik I'm not though.. I'm not safe and i see no future for myself I just.. I can't take it anymore this feeling of paranoia and danger is eating me life not to mention the huge amount of effort that I have to do every single day to cope with the abuse I'm facing.. I have no source for help..i tried and it's all closed doors My mental health is at the worst state possible I'm devastated. Ik the only way out of this is to leave the whole world am just scared to do it now but ik i will some day.