Not as ok with being a lesbian as I thought?

Hey everyone!

So I realised that I'm a lesbian. I used to identify as bisexual prior to this and I felt comfortable with that label until a few months ago. Thinking back it's pretty obvious because I had thoughts like "omg I don't want to be with a man, I'd rather be with a woman" or "Maybe I should've just slept with this dude and get it over with", etc. But I did genuinely think I was attracted to men and it felt wrong to call myself a lesbian until I found out about compulsory heterosexuality. When I read about actual attraction and I thought to myself "Oh yeah I know this" and thought of a situation with a woman that I was attracted to and then right after that it described compulsory heterosexuality and it was what all my "attractions" to men or boys had been like, it hit me. It was the moment I knew.

My problem is, I thought I'd be happy about this, but somehow I have trouble even saying the word lesbian out loud or telling any of my friends (that I know won't care and all already suspect I'm gay anyway). I don't get it, it feels like I've been hit with a truth I didn't see coming, but I did see it coming, I've been thinking about this for months and technically ever since I was a teenager. So why am I, someone who never had a problem with being into women, reacting like this? What is going on? :/