What do I do?

I feel so lost. I feel so adrift.

I have a broken heart and it feels so much more than that.

It feels like love is gone. Love is all I will ever want…nothing else matters to me.

The world isn’t the same for me in anyway if it is gone. I don’t care about a piece of music without. I am very picky about how I want dress/present. I don’t care if love is gone. It I don’t even dress for other people but if I see there is no one there to care about me I don’t see the point in presenting who I really am.

I am a Late Bloomer Lesbian that at this point….

I have seen one person care for me and they are gone. I screwed everything up and they are gone.

I don’t see that I get another chance.

I am 38 {Last bloomer at 35} and I haven’t dated at all. I have less experience than the average 14 year old. I know I will get told I am ‘only’ 38. I have so much time left and I have no idea how I am supposed to put myself out there.

At 40 it is not fair for anyone that I put on them what I am. How am I supposed to say I have never done anything teach me like I am in 6th grade!

I have seen person after person in my life leave much less people that I want to care for me. How am I supposed to ask someone to teach me how to care for them? How to do everything in a relationship when I want them to love me?