I'm questioning my orientation.. Again
For months now, Ive noticed I haven't had a crush, this is abnormal for me or at least i thought it was, everyone around me has crushes so why don't I have one? I thought maybe it had something to do with my orientation? I took a look, turns out I am demisexual and greyaromantic, but now I'm really wondering if that's who I really am. I doubt I'm aro, I still feel romantic attraction, just very little now. I think past relationships have affected the way I seen love, I still get romantic and platonic attraction mixed up. I'm for sure not ace, at times I do feel sex repulsed, thats why I also identify with ace-jump! I'm not sure what to think anymore, people have told me to keep experimenting, but I'm not sure what else to do here. I'd really appreciate some help figuring myself out.
@wolfsui
Trying to find a label that fits our experience can take a long time, but I worry sometimes we get so trapped in a label we found that we try to live to the label, instead of using the labels that fit our experience as needed.
Wanting to have a specific and accurate label is understandable, having labels can help us feel like we know ourselves, give us comfort and allow us to connect with others who share the same or similar labels. Sort of labels give us a space we can call our own in a way. But I still find that labels are there to describe our experience not define our existence.
It's okay to not have a perfect label. Sometimes it's okay to find a label that is good enough or communicates what you need others to know even if it's not a perfect fit. Having less specific labels can also give room for adjusting the words you choose on your journey to understanding yourself, but know that even if the words you use change with time, it doesn't mean the old words were the wrong ones, they were just the understanding of yourself you had at the time. As to experimenting, that is entirely up to you if you want to do that, but I hope you won't feel you have to do that.
Personally, I found the labels even subconsciously put all these "I should want" "I should do" etc. notions on me, so I would catch myself acting to fulfill a label instead of listening to what I wanted. For that reason I chose to take some space from labels and give myself room to just be without the pressure of living to a label. Yes I have labels I use to describe myself, but now I use those to simplify explaining me to others, not to understand myself if that makes sense?
Some questions you might want to explore while questioning:
- What would having the right label mean for you?
- Considering the labels you've found, in what was do they fit? What ways don't they fit?
- Trying not to think about labels or the expectations of those labels, what would you want for yourself and your future when it comes to relationships?
I hope you are able to find the path forward that works for you, and find the space to be who you are whatever label you wear.
❤️🧡💛💚💙💜
This was so helpful, thank you so much!
@wolfsui
Please bear with me as i'm oldish ( 40's ) and not entirely sure what all these terms mean to be honest. But i could sense such a frustration and confusion that motivated me to comment. Why do you have to label yourself as anything ? It is enough just to be the unique person that you are, you don't need a label. Love and attraction isn't linear but a fluid process of learning and experimenting ( safely )...that's the old woman in me saying that ! Be true to yourself and love is meant to be enjoyed, it is not a black or white scenario. Listen to your internal dialogue and be you and go with the flow. You will find the right person regardless of he/ she, bi, straight or whatever. Be authentically you and you will draw the right people into your sphere. Regardless of anything, we all have a basic need to be loved and to connect...do that with someone who makes you feel " right ".
Again, as an old-ish person, i just ask you to stay safe. ! Just be you !
Thank you so much!! :)
@wolfsui heres ur friendly reminder that aro means u experience little to no romantic attraction. idk if that helps, just what i could think of
@hardworkingHuman4356 Aromantic is actually a wide spectrum. It's more complicated than just not feeling romantic attraction. And it's also easy to confuse romantic attraction with a form of tertiary attraction.
@Ash572 oh thats right, iforgot to mention that aromantic can also be used as a spectrum, it can also be used as a specific label and that was the part i did mention
@wolfsui Maybe your past relationships have actually been a form of tertiary attraction? There's quasiplatonic, alterous, platonic, and aesthetic. I realized I was aro when I figured out that the form of attraction I felt for someone for a few years didn't match the stereotypical things you see on tv. I had been identifying as greyromantic just because of that one 'crush'.
