I want it all, and that's not great.

I'm in my 40s. Came out as bi/pan to the wife. I love her and treasure our marriage and kids. She's my best friend. There's problems though.  She has health concerns that,  without going into much detail,  keep her virtually bed ridden.  Haven't really gone out in years.  Haven't had sex in years. Not sure that I could have sex with her now at this point.  I think it's been so long,  my mind has closed her off as an object of sexual interest. I'm not sure she has ever enjoyed sex either. I was always the one to initiate.  Recently she has begun to suspect that she is autistic,  and it makes a lot of sense. Anyway,  I have a strong desire to go be promiscuous with a lot of guys and find out exactly what it is I like.  Naturally this would be bad for the marriage. I'm seeing a therapist and I think that's helping,  but I honestly don't know what my end goal is.  That's a local support group for guys in my position,  and the therapist has said it would be good for me. The wife doesn't want me going to it because she sees it as me looking for a way out of the marriage.  I can't blame her for being guarded here.  I'm not even sure why I posted this.  Just needed to vent and know my feelings are real I guess.