Lesbian or not?
Hi I'm a 17 year old girl.
I'm really struggling lately. Everyone around me is getting girl or boyfriends and then there is me who is not even sure if I like boys or girls or both or neither.
I have never been in a relation ship. I have not have my first kiss yet. I only have a few people I liked, mostly from series. So not even real people. And then there is the problem that I sometimes really like women, and don't even think about men. And the other way around. Then I start thinking about being a lesbian and feeling sick about myself. Just ughh I don't know.
And then there is the fact that i just become uncomfortable or something seeing lesbian/gay people in real life. I think something is broken inside of me or something. Cause I 100% support the ltbtq community.
I really don't want to hurt anyone by saying that it makes me uncomfortable. So im genuinely sorry if I offended someone.
I'm hoping that someone is out there that is maybe struggling whit the same thing. So I know that I'm not damaged or something. And maybe some advice so I stop hurting other people.....
You’re still young, have plenty of time to figure things out. Don’t rush yourself. Just observer yourself and your reactions to others. Research LGTB issues. You’ll figure it out soon enough
@Elleyou
how are you hurting people?
@Mylife2
so I don't experience exactly what you're describing, but have you looked into the asexuality/aromantic spectrums? that might explain your reaction to seeing couples, and smth like gray-asexual might explain your fluctuations? I'm not entirely sure, but those two spectrums might be worth looking into :)
@Mylife2
Hello, I'm sorry you are having such a difficult time with questioning your sexuality and attraction. I can relate to being 17 and seeing all my friends in relationships and trying to push myself to be interested in relationships. It can leave you feeling as you say "damaged or something". But I don't think you are damaged, it sounds like you just experience attraction differently than others do.
As for attraction, there are many types of attraction where you won't experience it very often. Are you familiar with the concept of romantic attraction vs sexual attraction? For example there are people who identify as experiencing romantic attraction even though they are asexual. So if you feel attracted to women but think of "being a lesbian" and it makes you sick, can you identify what about that makes you feel sick? What is it that is 'too far' for you?
Another possible way to understand yourself, do you find you are as uncomfortable seeing heterosexual couples as you do with homosexual couples?
Also there is often a difference between supporting the LGBTQ+ community and then being part of that community and that's okay. There are things we face as part of the LGBTQ+ community that are unpleasant and that no one wants. Not because being LGBTQ+ is wrong, but because of the hate that makes it hard and uncomfortable. So it's understandable that if you are questioning you may experience more discomfort being reminded of that. It doesn't need to be based in non-acceptance of the LGBTQ+ community at all, it could instead be more non-acceptance of all the suffering that is tied to being LGBTQ+ and the thoughts of facing that yourself. Does that make sense?
Hopefully most who read your post will understand the difference I just described and won't feel offended.
I can't say my experience was the same but I see many similarities. Overall it is okay to be uncertain, even while it's frustrating or uncomfortable, but not knowing doesn't mean you are damaged at all.
I hope you are able to listen to yourself and understand what you want, at the end of the day that's something only you can really know. For myself, I know I had to stop worrying about what I was supposed to want, be it heteronormative expectations or the assumptions about lesbians, and just listen to myself instead.
I'm sorry I can't offer anything more useful than this.
But please take care of yourself.
