Struggling with betrayal and moving forward after emotional manipulation
I wanted to share my story because I’ve been feeling stuck for a long time, and I’m hoping to hear from people who have been through something similar.
Where I’m from, relationships aren’t very common due to many factors, and cast is the biggest one, so being in one felt like a big thing for me. I trusted her deeply. That trust being broken cut very deeply — it’s not just about the breakup, but how someone I cared for could treat me like that and seem completely fine with it.
I knew her from college — we were very good friends back then. Years later, when she was going through a tough time in her life, she reached out to me, and I helped her through the tough phase financially, emotionally and invested a lot of time. We reconnected and eventually started dating, with both of us keeping marriage in mind and seeing it as a serious, long-term relationship. I even introduced her to my family, which in my culture (typical indian families) is a very big step- something you only do when you are 100% sure you want to marry that person.
Behind my back, she met a guy, formed a bond with him (he too knew she wasnt single), and might even meet him(i found out this later), once upon got caught talking to him gave an excuse like he is just a friend and i was consulting about jobs, etc I kind of believed, as she never showed any suspicious behaviour. Gave a family excuse saying your cast isn't good enough for my family, and behind my back, making me out to be the toxic one, and covering up her cheating, and to keep her "good girl" image intact. At the time, I had no idea she was hiding a new guy, or feeding lies about me to everyone and being caring or considerate about the breakup in front of me and planning all this in reality.
Later, when it was safe for her, she even introduced him as if he were just a friend they’d reconnected with through common friends and now started dating.
Even to cover her tracks further and make sure her own family never learned the truth from anyone, she told them that I was harassing her and that she needed their help. It helped her hide her actions and maintain her image, while making me look like the problem.
I only began to see the full picture almost a year after the breakup, when I was still struggling deeply and decided to talk to a therapist. In just a demo session, they diagnosed me with anxious attachment and explained how her behaviour matched patterns of manipulation and betrayal.
She mirrored me a lot, groomed me emotionally and gaslighted me a lot. She maintained a “good image” publicly but behaved very differently privately. And everything changed when she found a new supply.
Over time, when I was with her, I did start to notice things that didn’t add up, but she was too clever and good at covering things.
Current struggles:
Deep trust issues — finding it hard to believe people’s intentions
Triggers from completely ordinary things (e.g., phrases she said during betrayal that now replay in my head, their hidden meanings)
“What if” thoughts like I should have said this or I should have done that
Mornings are the worst — waking up with dread and feeling stuck in this loop, “how could she do this”, and “how is she fine doing that to me?"
- Feeling that sleep or dreams are easier than facing reality
I’m posting here to connect with anyone who’s gone through something similar, to hear how you coped, and to hopefully get a bit of perspective. Right now, I still feel stuck between anger, hurt, and disbelief.
Wishing everyone here some peace and healing.
@FreshStartV
🥺
💕💜
Thank you for opening your heart.
That's not easy .
To be vulnerable is a strength.
I'm so sorry that she treated you so badly.
I'm sorry your love was used against you.
This is solely a reflection of her character and not you.
Its hard when we are manipulated or gaslighted, in hindsight we know we knew alot of it wasn't working for us and yet we accepted it anyway .
Sometimes we cling onto things even though they are not right for us, because we don't wish to be alone.
You didn't deserve any of this.
You matter.
You deserve a love that uplifts.
That is honest.
That fills you with joy and has your back.
That doesn't make you second guess.
A lovely that makes your days brighter and your nights warmer.
Healing is possible.
It takes one day at a time and taking accountability not for her actions, but for yours, knowing you deserved more and always advocating for that 💕💜
I genuinely wish you the best in the future 💕💜
@Amanda84 hey!! Thanks for your warm words, and yes, I am trying my best to move forward in life and learn from experience and working on my triggers and tbh I am doing a lot better as compared to last year. I can look for help myself is a big leap, and I am hopeful that things will get better.
@FreshStartV
It looks like that woman had hurt you thrice:
By actually cheating on you.
By making you take part in covering the tracks of her wrongdoings (and putting you in bad light).
And by making you lose trust in other people's real intentions.
Now, it's her malicious, cynical and deceitful "values" against your positive values like love, friendship and trust.
If you spend the rest of your life wondering and broken, she wins. But if it doesn't stop you from looking for the love of your life, you are the winner.
It sounds quite natural that now—when you are far less affected by emotions and physical chemistry—all those logical "I should have said..." and "I should have done..." are coming to your mind.
What was done cannot be undone. Still, this is the way—even though painful—you are getting more experienced and wiser.
The mornings... Yes, that also sounds natural. While at night, your subconscious mind is at work, trying to work out solutions. And a tad like being obsessed about what happened the first thing when you wake up.
As a matter of fact it's a kind of PTSD (post-traumatic stress) and works in a similar way: no matter if you were robbed by a thug, wounded during a fight in the street or... brutally disillusioned about your relationship.
Anger, hurt, disbelief are all parts of grief. Nobody died, but a part of your heart did. Mourning lost love and letdown trust seems to be very natural reaction.
It takes time. Still, I believe you will get better. Maybe not yet today, but soon.
Believe me, I have been is some nurturing relationships, and I know sometimes life can be much better than a dream or a movie. Just give it another chance...
@jacek73, thanks for your warm words, and you summed up my situation exactly the way I am feeling. The triggers that were suppressed when I was in survival mode are showing up, and yes, it does feel like PTSD out of nowhere Neutral things that feel similar to betrayal do trigger me a lot, and the hardest part is living with the truth when the world thinks she's all innocent and good, while I was the problem.
@FreshStartV
Is there any fair way to let "the world" know your part of the story, not only hers? Would that do any justice to you if you unveiled it, to maintain your good name?
@jacek73, the way she planned things, I don't think there's any way to unveil it for now, and People won't believe it. It's similar to the feeling when someone is wrongly accused, hence it's more about right than about clearing my name, it's a psychological thing to urn for the justice, similar to people who are wrongly accused by others stuff, like you know the culprit and you want to tell everyone you are not and who it is.
@FreshStartV
So, on the top of things, I see that—no matter if other people are able to get to know anything, believe you or find the truth—you've got your internal truth about the entire situation. And I think it can be a good point to let your healing and growth proceed any further 👍
@jacek73 yes, and I am building upon that, and that's the reason in the first place she did all that, so I can never confront her, it's just the sudden bursts of that thought randomly pop wreaking the brain for quite some time.
