A Personal Preference
Have you ever felt frustrated because no matter how much food is on the table, the other person won’t take a single bite?
We can’t force-feed healing.
What we put on our own plate may not curb the hunger of someone else.
We all have recipes we live by. Our emotional ingredients won’t taste the same in every meal. And not every meal calls for the same ingredients.
Understanding a personal preference isn’t about forcing someone to heal the way you did. It’s about learning to sit at the table with them and eat. You don’t have to eat what they eat — but it never hurts to have a taste.
Setting boundaries comes with managing our expectations and learning to compromise.
We may not like the flavor of someone's preferred dish.
We may cringe at how they hold their fork or chew their food.
We may feel annoyed when they talk with their mouth full.
But we can still show kindness.
We can practice patience.
We can have faith that the food they eat is what sustains them — it’s what makes their life one worth living, even if we disagree with their preference.
Healing is all about personal preference.
It doesn’t make you a bad person for wanting them to heal.
And it doesn’t make you a bad person for becoming frustrated when they haven’t yet.
Compromise is about learning to share a meal together — and allowing the other person to eat what they’re comfortable with.
It also doesn't make the person bad who is struggling to heal. For some, healing is a long road and can take a lifetime. If you're frustrated because someone hasn't healed yet, take a moment to think of how frustrated they might feel because they're having similar thoughts. ("Shouldn't I be over this by now?" "Why is it taking so long?") Yes it's understood that we have a personal responsibility to heal that comes with a little hope but there's also a great deal of pressure to heal. When pressure is greater than hope it's no longer empowering. Many trying to heal already feel as though they've failed in some way or that they're weak. Let's not add to our list of shortcomings we already feel because we're not meeting your expectations.
@mytwistedsoul
That's a good point to make. Healing isn't linear. Everyone is going through their own motions in life and doing the best they can. No one should be shamed or feel judged when they're literally trying not to drown in some serious waves!
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@GentleFish thank you for this, it shows two sides of the coin and why communication is vital because only we know what we need to heal and sometimes loved ones can feel angry, sad or frustrated when they see a loved one struggling, they do everything to help but nothing is changing. They feel as if the person doesn't want to change or heal or get better. But this is not the reality but both view points have merit and can coexist with communication, empathy and compassion 🥰💜
