should i contact him ??

i unblock my ex few months ago cause my bf was giving me silent treatment i’ve asked him 100000 times lets fix things before bed as he asked me 100000 times not to talk to other while we were arguing. i’ve forgive him for the thing he never apologized for. few days ago he went silent for 8 days and i break the no contact i feel sad weak humiliated

my ex texted me and i was like *** this shouldn’t be happening so i blocked him delete the text i didn’t reply him i would have block him earlier but it get out of my mind cause i don’t fear him he’s nothing to me.

my boyfriend find out that i’ve unblocked him and he has sent me text so he went mad at me i was guilty but then he called me names ( radi, valu *** ) everything and he said i’m that person cause i always go to another person when we argue which is true but i do that cause he seems not caring and at that moment i thought it’s over i’ll not go back to him, but things change, my heart feel so weak i end up goin, and he caught my mistake but he don’t saw his, why am i doin this ?? i’m not a person who cheat who lie i feel that i’ve never talk to any boy with the intention of cheating if i did then it was for 5 sec relief cause i want someone to listen to me .

i’m so ashamed to tell my friends he treat me that way cause i’ve always brag about him being a perfect man and everything i couldn’t tell em anything so the point is now i regret everything he called me names that is not healthy but i feel like he did that cause he find out i unblock my ex . im convincing myself even if i did