Can I get a little encouragement?

Hi everyone, I’m Mark and I’m 26.

Over the last years my OCD slowly but relentlessly took away pieces of my life. Everything I care, I like and I enjoy doing has started to be affected by intrusive thoughts. At first I tried to ignore it and go on, I only made it worse.

So I started avoiding the things that bring me pleasure and joy in life but as soon as I find something new my OCD follows it and robs me of that thing also.

I tried L-Tryptophan (a supplement that it’s supposed to increase serotonin, since meds used to treat OCD are SSRIs) with decent success, I had some improvements but my body didn’t tolerate that dose anymore and I had to quit.

I feel like the only thing left I can do is going to see a psychiatrist and make me prescribe SSRI, but I have issues with the visit and I’m worried about side effects. The visit and not knowing exactly what they’re gonna ask me is so terrifying to me that in a moment of distress I wrote 5 pages with my life story, symptoms and meds I took in the past, in the vain attempt of talking the least possible whenever I’ll decide to seek professional help.

Now I don’t know what to do cause I’m ashamed of going to the psychiatrist with a 5 pages summary of my issues and I started to think to wing it in during the appointment but I know I’ll forget important things because my social anxiety won’t allow me to think straight (OCD is only the main issue at the moment).

In the meanwhile I still feel the same and it’s a downward spiral and I know it won’t change until I do something.

Thank you for reading my ramble, I hope it makes sense.