F16 POCD?

I'm just anxious tbh. This is pretty long l've been struggling with intrusive thoughts or imagery involving children since around March, and they cause me a lot of distress and self-doubt. The thoughts are unwanted, but l often get stuck replaying them and analyzing what they mean about me. I feel ashamed, guilty, and scared to talk about them. And I haven't gotten help because I just wanted to avoid push it away and thought l'd get over and that I can’t get access to free therapy under 18 and my parents would refuse to sign a form (there abusive) for one. Sometimes these thoughts I’m like oh just treat it like whatever it just slides and sometimes it works other times i feel like careless or lack empathy if I ignore i also avoid children. Idk if it came from watching pred catching videos or when I was groomed younger. It usually happens when I'm sleepy, anxious like alone, or this might sound weird like when (attraction yknow from an adult) than a thought comes.