Hi, I think this might be an OCD-type issue and I could really use some perspective.
I have a very vague memory from about 7 years ago (I was around 21 at the time) involving ***. I remember coming across different profiles, and there’s a faint memory that I might have sent someone a short message like “you’re cute 🙂.”
The problem is, I don’t clearly remember who it was. There are two possibilities in my mind:
One person who I think was around my age (20/21)
Another person who I vaguely remember might have been 17, but I’m honestly not sure
I don’t remember a conversation, reply, or anything concrete—just a general sense that I may have sent a message to someone and didn’t hear back.
What’s been bothering me is the uncertainty. My brain keeps going: “What if it was the younger person?”
“What if I knew their age and still said that?”
That thought feels really distressing because it goes against my values, and I’ve never had any pattern of interacting inappropriately with minors. But I can’t get 100% certainty about what actually happened, and I keep mentally replaying it trying to figure it out.
I guess my question is: How do you deal with this kind of uncertainty and stop the mental checking/replaying?
I’m not trying to justify anything—I just feel stuck in a loop and want to handle it in a healthier way.
Thanks.
@sensibleWest5603
Imagining myself on the receiving end of such a message, from my early teens on, I would've felt really good. In fact, it may have given my confidence a much needed boost. Perhaps my opinion is biased, because when I was 17 and 18, I was involved with a 33-year-old. I don't know if you've seen the movie "Summer of 42," but it was that kind of situation. I will say, the experience did nothing but good for me.
Whether the message was received by a 17 or 21-year-old, I can't imagine how it would be anything but harmless. More than likely, it was flattering. Also, social media is a jungle, and an innocent observation about someone's looks, is probably one of the least harmful things out there.
If you had sent something full of innuendo and solicitation, that would've been bad. That would fulfill the definition of "interacting inappropriately," but that's not what happened.
One very solid fact is that you had no intention of causing harm. I would bet my life that you didn't cause harm.
How to deal with the uncertainty?
Would the certainty that no harm was done help?
Thankyou. This helped put it into a better perspective for me, because I've been feeling off & guilty for several days now. I really wish I could remember how things went back then, but I'll have to live with the lack of recollection.
At the time, I was interested in dating people but I know I wouldn't have dated a minor. I just hope that whatever possible online interaction occured back then stayed within appropriate limits. But I do remember at the very least there was nothing inappropriate like soliciting or anything of that nature.
Thankyou again.
Thankyou. This helped put it into a better perspective for me , because I've been feeling off & guilty for several days now. I really wish I could remember how things went back then , but I'll have to live with the lack of recollection. At the time , I was interested in dating people but I know I wouldn't have dated a minor. I just hope that whatever possible online interaction occured back then stayed within appropriate limits. But I do remember at the very least there was nothing inappropriate like soliciting or anything of that nature.
Thankyou again.