How can I help a "hoarder"
Can I really help someone who just can't let go of things??? HOW???
Hoarding is a serious mental health condition that can expose people who do it to dangerous living conditions, the derision of family and friends, and social isolation. About 5% of the worlds population hoards, but only about 15% of people who hoard recognize that their behavior is irrational. If youre concerned about someone you love who hoards, you cant force your loved one to get better. You can, however, provide a supportive environment that encourages your loved one to seek help and makes recovery possible.
Dont Take Their Possessions
If your loved ones house is covered in old magazines or unused clothes, it can be tempting to cure him or her by taking the items he or she hoards. This wont remedy the underlying problem, though, and it can destroy your relationship with your loved one. Moreover, people who hoard can experience serious emotional distress when their possessions are taken, so your good intentions may actually harm a person you love.
Dont Enable the Behavior
While you cant stop someone who hoards from hoarding, you can avoid enabling the behavior. If your friend hoards antiques, dont invite her to go antiquing. If your mother is a compulsive collector, dont add to her collection at every birthday and holiday. Dont offer to store hoarded items for a loved one, and if you live with someone who has been hoarding, dont allow their possessions to overtake your home.
Educate Yourself
To the outside observer, hoarding just doesnt make sense. If you want to help a loved one, learn as much as you can about this condition by reading websites, consulting mental health professionals, or even attending a support group for people who want to love and help people who hoard. Once you understand the fear, loneliness, and anxiety associated with hoarding, you may be better able to offer empathy and support.
Recognize Small Victories
Particularly among people who hoard who have had the habitfor years, it can take months or years to get rid of hoarded possessions and for progress with the issue to become visible. If your loved one doesnt feel like small victories matter, he or she will have little incentive to keep trying. Help your loved one celebrate small victories by praising them for throwing away a few items or refraining from buying new ones.
Help Them Sort Their Belongings
Some people who hoard accumulate so much stuff that it fills an entire house. Even after your loved one stops hoarding, he or she may have an entire home filled with hoarded items. Volunteer to help your loved one sort through his or her items and clean out the home. Some companies specialize in helping those who have hoarding issues clean up, so if you and your loved one are daunted by a packed home, consider contacting an organization that can help.
Dont Clean Up for Them
Although helping your loved one sort his or her possessions can be helpful, doing it for him or her is not. Likewise, you cant expect that the person in your life who is hoarding will make progress if you force him or her into treatment. These individuals need to make independent decisions, and this might mean waiting to intervene until the person you love is ready for help.
Help Your Loved One Find Treatment
Taking the first step toward treatment can be daunting, and its not always easy to find a qualified therapist. Dont force your loved one into treatment, but consider researching treatment providers so you can offer information when your loved one is ready. GoodTherapy.org can help you find a therapist who specializes in hoarding.
Don't forget about healthy boundaries-keep them active and up front. But most of all- it is an illness and you still can love the person
@Lucy
@RumpleSteeleSkin Oh my, I know about this subject very well! My mother is a hoarder. It was a nightmare to help her move almost 2 years ago! A lot of times, she buys junk she doesn't need and then it sits somewhere in it's package until she remembers she bought it. I know she has been taking anxiety medication since she was like 20 years old and she's 62 now. I remember her saying to me about a month ago that she feels so alone and now nobody needs her (my brothers and I are adults now) so she doesn't know what to do anymore. So, I agree w/you, hoarding is surely a disease.
@TransAm85
aaww Trans -hug-
My mom too was a hoarder when my sister finally moved out. But I think she was starting to hoard-but our eyes stayed "shut" cause she was a very neat hoarder. It is a disease and a very serious one if not looked and treated properly. What I found out was the family did alot of damage when it came to dealing with the hoarding issue. Im glad your mom is doing better
My mom past many of years ago-and we kids had to deal with her many belongings. Alot of stuff was new and in great shape. So we donated alot to shelters and homeless programs.. -hugs-
@TransAm85. My mother is a hoarder too. I have helped her 3 times since 1992, I also have to help her this spring she is moving to my state, to be close so I can help her and my dad, who has alzheimer beginning stages.
@jr50 Oh my, Alzheimer's is a struggle. My grandfather on my dad's side had that. I hope your dad is doing ok right now? My grandpa passed away b/c he had Alzheimer's and dementia. He was always happy, but didn't know who anyone was except my grandma. Well I hope you spend as much time as you can w/him even if he doesn't know who you are. I'm so sorry.
@RumpleSteeleSkin. Awesome post, my mom has hoarded for 40+ years. I have always cleaned it up, oops,
@jr50
I do understand you alot on this, and the deep love there but also the pain you feel when you know its not healthy for them....
@RumpleSteeleSkin
I'm afraid to admit that my dad is a hoarder. Recently we moved and my family and I did not realize my dad had a problem until that point. There was so much junk and my dad tried to convince us to keep every item, even though a lot was either ripped, worn down or dirty. More so, when we tried explaining to him that moving all this stuff we didn't need would be absolutely impossible and backbreaking (he absolutely refused to get hired help, said "it would be too expensive"), he ended up breaking down and crying.
My dad collects baseball cards and has been doing so since I was 13. It took my family hours and hours to just bring down all his cards (he has thousands of them) and during it, he was convincing himself that someone would try to steal his cards as a few friends of my mom and uncle came by and helped with the move. He had his all his cards in our cellar and he also in secret, filled up the cellar with all sort of items he had bought after it had been cleared out when my grandmother died. He broke down so many times during the move, I thought he was going to be ill. Once we got to our new place, my dad agreed initially that a few more items had to go. That never happened and we've had quite a few fights about it. Just recently, I found out that he kept a bunch of silverware that I took hours to sort through since we had so much. He agreed to throw away the extra silverware at first but he didn't. When I confronted him about it, he made it seem like I was the crazy one for being upset about it. Everyone (including my uncle who helped us move) says he has a problem and we're unsure of what to do.
I'm afraid that my dad will end up collecting more stuff and put it in our new cellar (which is much bigger than the old cellar we had in our old home). Even though my dad has a massive collection of baseball cards, we've always supported his hobby (and I would never tell him to get rid of it). The problem is, everything he collects now is his hobby it seems like. Very frustrating and I feel powerless to stop it. 
@TrueArrow
Arrow -hugs-
This is an illness and a bad one-but one that can be treated. Maybe you can call around and see where he qualifies for home therapy that specailize in this. Also and I say this very gently to you- DO NOT COSIGN him bringing more things to the cellar. Hope that doesnt sound like advice. But that is co-signing this illness and making it worse. Maybe a lock on the door idk.
I do hope soon maybe you can find him help and him willing to accept it
@RumpleSteeleSkin
My mom is vocal in making sure he doesn't bring in unnecessary items (but sometimes he will threaten to leave and has temporarily left, when doesn't get his way). I feel like since I live with them (even though I do bring in income, so they aren't financially supporting me...in fact, it's probably the opposite) that I don't really have a choice in what he does since "it's their house". Despite the fact I am over the age of 21, my dad still looks at me like a child and treats me as such. His "famous words" to get me to be quiet is, "children should be seen and not heard". Gotta love old Victorian sayings that are not applicable to someone my age lol
I feel like he chooses his stuff over us and the sanity of the family. My dad also has shown a past of cutting friends and family members out of his life for various reasons so...It's quite possible that one day, we might drive him over the edge. It's difficult, I don't want to lose my dad and I'd like to think he wouldn't do that but I'm honestly unsure. I've been contemplating about moving out for years now but sadly if I do, it will have other serious consequences for my family's financial stability.
I wish I could be more "selfish" about my own personal needs but I care for my family. It's just a shame when you love someone and want to care for them, despite knowing you're being manipulated. 
Sorry for the mini rant. It's just these things have been weighing on my mind for awhile.
Ohhhh myyyyy *George Takei voice* 
I'm too familiar with this. The domestic overseers were hoarders, but my mother more so growing up. She was a compulsive shopper. Mostly clothes and shoes. Her s**t was everywhere lol, even my closet had been taken over. It was so funny, like she would have bought this dress when I was 7, never wear it, then at 15, expect me to find it. My "father" on the other hand, would buy stupid stuff and hide it. Their stupid habit and lies made me believe that we were poor growing up. Truth was, they were too selfish to care if my brothers and I needed food or clothes for school.
Tbh, the only way I felt I could/would/want to help, would've been to burn down the house and piss on the ashes.
It's horrible to grow up in an environment where your "caregivers" are more concerned with themselves.
@YourTearsAreDelicious
Tears you too -hugzzzzz-
Hoarders well, it affects loved ones too. Im sorry that you had to go through this.
Amazing thread! Thanks so much <3
