Compulsive Need For Reassurance
Hi, all! I'm struggling with compulsive need for reassurance that I'm liked/supported by friends. I seem to get into a cycle of constant mmessaging if they don't answer and then it gets awkward when they do because it's hard to explain why I feel that way. Does anyone else do this, or have tips on how to stop the intrusive thoughts of feeling annoying/not liked?
@AutumnAngelDaze
Hello there,
So what you're describing sounds like the awful cycle of approval seeking which can make you feel so so lost in your life because of course, not everyone will approve! When did you first begin to notice this? How long has it happened for? Does anything in particular trigger it?
So some tips that I've used on myself and my clients would be... analyse what is making you seek approval? Where does it come from? Once we uncover how it's developing, we can see the reasoning behind this and begin to unravel this spaghetti heap into order... It's not easy and takes alot of thought but it is useful :)
So I then would begin by trying to build acceptance, you are exactly where you need to be and if YOU feel like you're not then begin changing it.... analyse your thoughts and desires and try to turn those into actions too. Develop a future plan for you to make you feel comfortable in trusting yourself. Analyse how you talk to yourself and others... why do you think their opinions are so important and does it really mean that much to you? Evaluate what is important and if it means something to you and the most difficult task of yet would be to learn how to say no and set boundaries!!
Boundary setting isn't easy but it's necessary to stop approval seeking. It begins by accepting you and what you want, then to learn how to tell people how you feel without offending them but laying it down firmly and taking care of you... self-care :)
These are a few tips, but in essence it is SO difficult and takes practice. You can do it, but be patient and most of all accept and love you. Put yourself first!
Lisa
@AutumnAngelDaze
I do this too. I think after a certain point if you can say to yourself, "this friend said they still liked me before, and they keep wanting to hang out with me, so things must be okay between us" then it's best to just trust that and not keep asking. I know that's easier said than done! But like any other OC behavior the more you engage with the compulsion the stronger the obsession gets.