My OCD Has Ruined my Health

TW// Eating Disorder, Sexual Abuse Mention

My OCD has completely ravaged my body. I'm so undernourished and sick all the time I don't know how much more my body can take. OCD has made me fear food and obsess over numbers, I can't eat anything if I don't know what is in it or how many calories it is. It's lead me to only be able to eat a handful of "safe foods" foods that I have convinced myself will not hurt me or make me gain weight. In my mind, being overweight is linked to the sexual abuse I suffered as a kid. If I'm overweight bad things are going to happen to me or my friends and family and that terrifies me. I feel as though the only way I can remedy it is to lose as much weight as possible, to be as far away from overweight as possible even if that means being dangerously underweight. I'm so tired of feeling this way, and I just want to feel less alone in this battle...