OCD religious thoughts
Hello. I've had anxiety and ocd for as long as I can remember, but was finally diagnosed 8 years ago. I grew up in a religious household where we went to church every Sunday, and was told that God speaks to you and the holy spirit. Having ocd this tortures me, because I have these thoughts that a religious figure is telling me scary things, example death. I've had my first panic attacks four months ago, and now I constantly focus on my heart, constantly think that things I see on the TV on the radio could be messages. I just want my brain to shut up and be able to go through the day not being irritated or scared of these thoughts. This anxiety has led to me being afraid to eat, exercise, engage in things with my girlfriend, brush my teerh etc. I've met with a psychologist and he brought up maybe it's the devil saying these things. that suggestion didn't help at all, since I have ocd and things like that add more stress and anxiety. I don't like going to church because it also adds a bunch of anxiety. I'm done hearing that if a message is from God you'll feel peace, because what happens when someone who is depressed finds peace in death? That's certainly not a good thing. Nothing makes sense in my mind anymore and I just want it to go away and leave me alone.
Hi @Carlybear. I just want to know you're not alone. What you're describing sounds like scrupulosity, which is a type of OCD centered on religious/moral obsessions. I have it too and I spent a lot of time as a kid completely terrified that I was a terrible person even though I wanted to be good, that the devil was haunting me, and that if I didn't "hear" God speak to me I wouldn't be able to make the right decisions. I understand how upsetting and scary these kinds of thoughts can be.
It doesn't sound like your psychologist is a good fit for the kind of treatment you need, if he is saying things like the devil could be sending you these thoughts. It might be worth trying to find a new psychologist who is more familiar with these issues. Exposure and Response Prevention (ERP) is considered the gold standard for OCD treatment. When I found a therapist I trusted who was trained in ERP, it seriously changed my life. The thoughts didn't 100% go away, but they lost a lot of their power. I was finally able to start learning to trust myself and let go of guilt.
I'm so sorry you're struggling with this and I hope you can find the help you need.
@Carlybear
Same what they're saying, you're not alone.
And wow that counselor was just..awful like that's a horrible thing to say to someone