Hi, parent of teens and new here
Hello,
I am relatively new to seven cups, so glad I found the site. I have three kids. One is grown and out of the house, one is about to graduate high school and the youngest is about to be a freshman in high school. It has been quite the struggle with two teenage girls! They were really fun when they were younger, but... Are there any parents of teenagers that might like to discuss strategies that have worked for them? Or maybe there's already a thread about this, I would love hear what's going right for you and what is a struggle.
@reservedOwl321
I'm not a parent, but I'll boost this so more people see it <3
*hugs*
@jesusredeemedme2425 Thank you for boosting. Hopefully there are parents who are able to share their experiences. It has been pretty quiet on this board given that it is so full of members, but I am sure there are others going through a similar experience.
An update I went to my daughter's high school graduation today and also had an 8th grade graduation this week! It has been a busy week! My middle child will be working after high school she got a good food service job (Her first job) We have been attempting to nudge/push her to grow up and she has been resisting. She doesn't have a drivers license yet at almost 18 years old.
I got my license in my 30s, so I can relate lol
WOW @jesusredeemedme2425 I was eager to get mine. As an update she got her permit this week reluctantly!
I’m a late bloomer, what can I say hehe
Yay! Does she enjoy the freedom
Good question. We have yet to teach her. My husband will start with her this weekend. I am very nervous about being behind the wheel with her when she first starts, but I am willing to help her once she is a little more roadworthy.
May I ask why you waited so long? My daughter is really nervous, we actually have been pushing her as it is really hard to live without driving these days.
Take her to a very quiet or abandoned parking lot. That’s how my mom taught me <3
Fear. Just fear. Lol
Take her to a very quiet or abandoned parking lot. That’s how my mom taught me <3
Fear. Just fear. Lol
@reservedOwl321
Hey there! I have a 5-year-old daughter, so I’m not quite in the teen zone yet as a parent, but I do have a 13-year-old sister who lives with us 😅
What I’ve noticed is that with teens, it’s all about boundaries that still feel like freedom. My sister needs structure, but the second she feels controlled, she pushes back hard. What helps us is giving her choices (even small ones), letting her feel heard, and not reacting emotionally when she’s having a moment, which is often!
I’d love to hear what’s worked for others too, especially with girls. Some days I feel like I’m navigating a minefield, and other days, she’s sweet and we’re laughing like best friends.
Thanks for joining this conversation @sincereliz27. I can definitely relate to a lot of what you are dealing with with your sister. May I ask how you have created boundaries for her? My daughter has autism and ADHD as well as being almost 15, so It can be really hard for me to tell what part of it is the new autism diagnosis and what part is just being a teenager. I do know that she craves more structure, but trying to put more structure in place is a constant battle with me as enemy number one!
That being said, we do have our good days and our bad days, It just seems like nobody loves her as much as I do yet. I am the last person she wants to be around a lot of the time. 😢
@reservedOwl321
How is your summer with teens going? One piece of advice I can offer is helping children to learn basic personal financial management practices.
@faithfulscout. Our summer has been very trying. We have our ups and downs. We've been busy too. I just saw your response, and I apologize for being so slow to respond. My notifications we're getting really full.
I don't think financial management is going to be a huge problem for my kids, as this is something I have always worked on with them. It is really interesting though how each of them is different in their their everyday lives as well as their spending patterns. The youngest seems to be the most responsible with money oddly.
@reservedOwl321
No worries about the delay 🙂
It’s actually perfect timing—in the sense that my ex and I are dealing with a teenage issue right now!
It’s awesome your kids have some financial literacy. I believe it will serve them well!
In our situation, my ex has custody of our 2 children, and she has been financially supporting them (I pay child support but she has really sustained their lifestyle since the divorce). Our son is going into his last year of high school, and my ex has finally had it with him and decided to “cut him” off when he turns 18.
This is gonna be fun!
(I haven’t talked to him yet ,,, but I’ll catch up with him sometime this week.)
I looked at the conversation thread (which I hadn’t before), and I’ll add to what @sincereliz27 said about boundaries: consistency and follow through. For example, when a kid left a room without turning off the light (and they were the only ones in it), I would call out with a gentle reminder. Oftentimes they would be already in their room, so I would send them a text. If they didn’t respond within a few minutes, I would call them … and as a final consequence, I will go knocking on their door.
When does school start? Is everyone all set with their school supplies?
@Faithfuscout
This sounds challenging. When they are used to a certain lifestyle it must be harder. My oldest son has been out of the house, and he tends to like vacations as we always have, but he has been pretty good at budgeting and making things work.
We have our second 18yo leaving the nest very soon, He has been in a rush to grow up not exactly by choice. He has a part-time job, and has reluctantly gotten a permit. We have offered to help with a vehicle, likely a van in case he has no place else to live. This kiddo is a free spender very unlike myself, so he will need to learn fast , He knows he has to be out of our home, but we are trying to let him get a driver's license first. He might be going for the test today.
School started yesterday and I have school supplies figured out. Maybe we need to get some winter clothes still.
Follow through is really hard for me sometimes because I get distracted and forget to follow up. I am just starting to get my youngest to even text at all as a lot of the time she doesn't even have her phone with her and she hates that I have a phone with parental controls on it for her, but I will try to do that and maybe set a reminder for myself to follow up if need be. Using texting seems to be the best way with the kids these days though. Especially with my youngest, so hopefully we can get her more used to using her texts and responding.
I'm hoping things go well with your 18 yo. over the long term. I hear a lot about parents these days supporting their adult children for long periods of time. I have nieces who do dog walking live at home and are in shock when they turn 26 and go off at their parents insurance. And if parents keep paying for the kids that might put both in a really bad situation as retirement is on the horizon. Does your kiddo have a job yet or plans for the future?
@reservedOwl321
Thanks so much for sharing! That's so cool that your oldest has launched! I can imagine how proud you and your husband are.
It's funny, I have nieces and nephews who are almost 40, but because I was estranged from my siblings for a period, I missed seeing these nieces and nephews at that stage between adolescence and young adulthood. Therefore, hearing you talk about your two eldest sounds so new and exciting for me!
Before the “hammer” came down on my son, he had plans to go to college. He probably will still go, but I’m sure his expectations have changed (his sister is heading into her junior year of college).
I’ll be interested to hear how your daughter takes to texting. Like what you said … texting seems to be the main form of communication for my kids and their friends.
I love your proactive and practical approach toward helping your son get his license: “We have offered to help with a vehicle, likely a van in case he has no place else to live.” ~ totally genius!
I’m so glad you posted your message. I think it would be helpful if there is some way to highlight teen issues/questions on 7Cups … hmmm.
Hi @reservedOwl321 … I appreciate your recent upvote!
Did your 18yo get his driver's license? Is the “van plan” still a consideration?
Has your daughter been making progress in responding to text messages?
About a week after my post to you, my son and his mother started to patch things up. Looking back on the whole experience, I can see how our son’s summer schedule was a factor in their conflicts and misunderstandings. Plus, he was recovering from a track injury and under a lot of pressure regarding college applications and preparation for his senior year.
I’ve been having medical issues that have also added to the stress all around for the family, but we’re all hanging in there.
I still think your idea of having a dedicated space for Parents of Teens is a great idea, especially when I read this recent post about Supporting our Youth. Did you see it?
I’m gonna definitely give it some thought, read the responses, and try to add to the conversation.
I hope everything else is going well for you 🙂
Tom
Hi @faithfulscout. The 18yo is still at home and working some. I usually respond on my phone so im sorry if I don't answer all of your questions, but I'm glad they worked things out. Driving now, but no vehicle yet. I think we need a family meeting with the child and my husband so we can get on the same page. Thank you for keeping the thread going. I will try to check and respond more frequently.
Hi @reservedOwl321 !!!
I imagine it’s a busy time of year, so I just wanted to say “Hello” and that I’m looking forward to catching up sometime soon! (I had a tough November, and I'm just starting to get my footing back on 7Cups.) I hope things are well in your world 🙂
Hello @faithfulscout I'm sorry November was rough for you but am glad you reached out. Anything you want to talk about? Holidays can be hard. I had a surgery before Thanksgiving and another in a week, so the kids are going to have to learn to take care of Mom this season.
@reservedOwl321
I’m glad you’ll have family around during this time of taking care of your medical needs.
Speaking of which … I would like to share something—I’ll tag you for a Pen Pal Chat. (Let me know if you have trouble getting to it.)
In other news, holidays aren’t so stressful since my partner (now my WIFE—we got married in October!!!) ... we have a rather alternative (maybe cynical) view of this time of year.
Anyway, I hope to catch you on the Pen Pal Chat!
