body issues postpartum
Hi everyone!
I am 24 years old and I've been a mother for 18 months now and for the past year I've been struggling with my body image and my self-esteem has taken a blow. I no longer have the drive to take care of myself like I used to. I've lost a lot of weight and now I just feel like I'm living in a shell. I don't feel as beautiful as I used to. I think I only have surface confidence because as much as I look like I am so sure and confident of myself, I know deep down, I do not believe it. I don't know what else to do. I'm just stuck and I can feel myself getting lost.
I am trying my best but nothing I've been doing is working to make me feel good about myself again. I rarely want to get out of bed but I have to because I am a mom. I love my son to death but I feel like I do not want another child again like I had planned. I'm not sure if it'll get any better but I definitely do not want it to get worse.
I try my best to read as much parenting books and be as present and positive as I can so my son can be happy and I think he is. I don't want my problems to shadow my duty as his mother.
Sometimes I cry a lot and honestly I hate it so much but a friend of mine suggested I write my thoughts down. It helps with the crying I suppose. Hopefully I get over this soon.
@hopefulfxye
You sound depressed. Please talk to your family and friends about it. Please talk to your doctor and jump on any opportunities available to you. Meds and therapy do help.
@LostTurtle2
Thank you for your comment! I have spoken to a few trusted family members and friends but mental health has been a challenging topic in my culture. It's difficult to get the help we need. I have reached out to a doctor who has been kind enough to assist me.
@hopefulfxye Thank you for sharing, your so brave! Motherhood is a wonderful experience however it does come with lots of challenges. Have you shared your feelings with any family or friends in your immediate circle?
@hopefulfxye
Hi Hopeful! First congratulations and welcome to motherhood. <3
After I had my daughter, I went through much of the exact same feelings you're feeling right now. The changes that happen during pregnancy and after can definitely leave us feeling unlike ourselves and sometimes even unrecognizable. My daughter is 3! I still have a little loose skin around my midsection and stretch marks and don't even get me started on how she took my breasts from perky to saggy through breastfeeding 😂. It can absolutely make you feel terrible.
I just wanted to drop a note and let you know that I empathize with you. While, I don't have the answer to regaining your confidence, I do want you to know that with time, you learn to rebuild it within yourself and to change what you can and accept what you can't.
The fact that you're doing so much research on being a good mother lets me know that you already are one. Don't ever forget that. Being a mom is hard. Parenting is hard, but the strength comes, and the acceptance comes with time. Cry if you need to. Reach out to friends, family, 7 Cups. It's not easy, but I can tell you from experience the love you get from your child even when you don't feel like you're doing a good job supersedes all. You truly can't do anything wrong in the eyes of your child. They will love you anyway. They are just happy that you're here and that you love them. They need food, shelter, water and other basic necessities, but if they had none of that they would still love you and think that you're the most incredible, important thing to ever happen to them.
Please, if you can, locate a therapist. One of my biggest tools when my daughter was around your sons age was being able to talk to a professional who could help me change thinking that was harmful to my self-esteem. My second biggest tool was talking to other mom's that had more experience than I did in the motherhood journey to let me know that I wasn't alone.
You're doing a fantastic job. I can tell just in the way you're expressing yourself and the amount of concern you have regarding your own issues effecting your son. <3 I know it feels hard to overcome now - and it may feel like that for a little while longer. But one day, when your son is jumping over the cracks in the sidewalk, or bringing home a picture that he drew for you at pre-school, or just randomly saying he loves you (because they do that ☺️❤️) - you'll remember how you felt in 2023 and be thankful that you've grown so much.
Do what you feel well enough to do for today, and then do what you feel well enough to do for tomorrow on tomorrow. One day at a time.
- Truth
