Help with 16 year old son

Hi y'all!

Admittedly this is a bit of a long and sad one so buckle up.. 

My son was born in 2009 when I was a sophomore in college.  His mother and I did not have the best relationship and it ended pretty poorly for a number of reasons.  After we split up in 2014, we attempted to exchange our son as per the temporary orders in place where I got every other weekend but it was a very bad experience...in particular she blocked numerous weekends from me from saying our son was sick, grounded, because she and I needed to work things out before I could see him, among other reasons.. When we went back to court in 2015 to finalize the divorce, I explained my side of things hoping to get primary decision making but they just saw a poor woman trying to escape an angry man so the judge wanted to keep things as is to which I told them I can't deal with her being the decision maker as she isn't properly putting my son as her top priority (I was partly miffed she was very pregnant during that final hearing).  Well they calculated nearly $500 a month in child support since I gave her full parenting time and for several years I paid my financial obligations without ever hearing or seeing my son as she blocked all my communication to him claiming I was abusive and thus not deserving to speak to him.  No doubt I reacted very negatively at the end of our relationship and from the difficulty of trying to exchange our son.

Fast forward about 7 years later to 2021, I was remarried, preparing to start trying to have my 2nd child and was also back in my son's life trying to work some things out with his mother in hopes of getting his life on track because in short, after our divorce, his mom was more concerned about making 3 more kids with two different fathers over a 6 year period instead of trying to properly parent and teach him.  As a result he became very behind educationally and socially by the time we were involved.  In the middle of us trying to help him, she unilaterally decided to take him out of school so she could "homeschool" him and then out of nowhere said they wanted to move to the other side of the country for a fresh start!  This instantly prompted us to take her back to court so I could officially have some parenting time returned to me and hopefully block her from leaving with our son.  The entire court process took 1.5 years which ended in a trial.  During the middle of this, however, she decided to move anyways.  Within a month of them moving, she left our then 12 year old son with a babysitter who left him unsupervised with an 8 year old girl.  He SAd her and the cops were called.  During the investigation, it was revealed that he may have been doing this to his half sister (his mother's 2nd child) which ultimately wasn't substantiated but coincidentally my wife found out that the father of this 2nd child may have actually done something inappropriate to my son back around 2015-2016 when I was completely out of the picture. That man was also out of the picture but even more than me as she never took him to court to pay any child support.  Her 3rd/4th children's father basically took financial responsibility for her 2nd child.  We then have a custody trial almost a year after our son's crime where that situation gets brought up among other things. Surprisingly it all resulted in me winning primary custody, getting final decision-making and having majority of the parenting time (she only gets school breaks) on top of her owing me half my attorneys fees and a number of child support payments were to be repaid back to me since our son had been living us right after the crime occurred.

Right before he came to officially live with us, he plead guilty and was sentenced to like 3 years of probation which included maintaining good grades in junior high and having a therapist that he opens up to about his crime.  Well anyone could see this from a billion miles away that it was going to be a train wreck...so he struggled in school, struggled in our home and struggled with his therapists...after 7 months, probation got fed up so they sent him to Utah to live in a facility with boys who have committed sexual crimes.  Was rough at first but surprisingly he turned it around, actually opened up about his crime and came back a few months early after a total of 8 months.  He resumed as a 2nd semester freshman, did actually quite well successfully juggling sports and grades.  While therapy sort of reverted back to where he wasn't really opening up to his new counselor at the time, overall things were deemed good enough so probation closed their case.

Then he got *** while at his mom's over summer of 2025 and sophomore year turned into a complete shitshow.  Ditching classes left and right, got caught vaping once in class and once in the bathroom, abusing bathroom passes to avoid being in class, running away from security guards, lying about everything, stealing school laptops to sneak into our house to avoid our *** blocks, buying burner phones...his attendance and grades were absolutely horrid.  He was ineligible to play sports.  It all culminated a couple months ago, when after spending his spring break week over at his mom's, he refused to board the plane to come back and his mom has sided with him to be against us and thus has used this as proof that I am to blame for everything wrong with our son.

So my wife and I are stuck. Our judgment doesn't have power across state lines. We can open a case with their state's courts to begin some temporary or emergency order but even then it won't force my son out of his room and onto a plane. As a result, his high school dropped him for not returning, he lost all his credits from the semester and was recommended to go to an alternative high school if he comes back to this district. His mom owes me $10k+ that she refuses to pay and she doesn't help get him therapy for everything bad she has allowed him to experience in particular potentially getting molested by not properly supervising/parenting him during some of his most vulnerable time periods. He has never opened up about his trauma with a therapist but we recently saw on his burner phone that he revealed it to a person on ***. We realize he is 16 and there is only so much one can do. But he is hiding in another state just rotting his brain on *** without any school or structure, talking about stupid crap including sharing very inappropriate pictures.  Talking to his mom doesn't work because she views me as the problem for everything.

Thanks for sticking it out.  I really appreciate any experiences or suggestions shared!!