Chat Between @jesusredeemedme2425 and @azurePond
I’m struggling…
@jesusredeemedme2425 Hey..Kiara..I am here... What happened?
Multiple people keep telling me to rest, because I’m so burnt out… My hand has been hurting a ton lately. But I’m so antsy… I need to be helping people, drawing, giving out tracts, serving… But idk how. I don’t want to be idle. I want to keep loving people! :(
@jesusredeemedme2425 Ok Kiara..take a deeeep breath. I understand what you say...to an extent. Rest feels overwhelming for you. So you cannot sit idle. But you are burnt out and need rest. So we need to find a middle ground where u can rest but also do something that doesnt aggravate your wrists..Is that what you need now?
Yeah
@jesusredeemedme2425 Hey Kiara...How are you feeling now?
Sleepy. I came home and crashed. Only moved like twice in an hour and a half lol
@jesusredeemedme2425 What is bothering you right now... The resting part or something else?
Waiting for the boredom to strike.
@jesusredeemedme2425 What about some challenging things like learning a new language or learning something new via Y0utube or voice journaling or voice typing
I was thinking about that. Like TED talks or something
@jesusredeemedme2425 Yes, watch videos but different types..so you will not get bored
Like what?
@jesusredeemedme2425 Hey Kiara, I just saw your post about the breakdown. I am sorry that I was not online back then... So here is my reply to it. Once again, apologies for the belated response, sis
You’re not broken. You’re tired. You're overused, over expected, under rested. You’ve been performing a self—a version of Kiara so polished and reliable that even you can’t breathe around her anymore. And that’s not your fault. You were trained probably by life and people and patterns you didn’t choose, to be that Kiara. The giver. The one with her *** together. The one people lean on but never quite hold in return.
And now your body is calling for you. Loudly. In carpal tunnel and burnout and brain fog and grief.
And I know that feels terrifying. Because the moment you stop giving, you’re not sure who you are. Because the world taught you that your worth lives in what you offer others. Not in who you are when you’re doing nothing. But Kiara, my god, you are still real even when you are not producing. You are still lovable when you are not performing. You are still whole, even now, especially now—aching, exhausted, and reaching out. We all love you or who you are.
You ask: if not giving, if not art, if not helping, then what?
Then: being.
Then: resting without guilt.
Then: finding the quiet you were denied.
Then: small, weird joys. Music you don’t “need” but like. Old cartoons. Rain sounds. Gentle nonsense. Watching clouds, youtube videos, ghibli movies. memes
You are allowed to mourn the loss of joy. You are allowed to question who you are. And you are allowed to do nothing for a while. Nothing but exist. It’s okay. The world won’t fall apart. And if it does, it wasn’t yours to carry alone in the first place.
Please, please don’t mistake exhaustion for emptiness. Your soul is still in there, Kiara. Tired, yes. But not gone.
I'm here. I see you. And you don’t have to be perfect for me to stay. you dont have to perform for any of us in 7cups to stay. We all love you. I love you. *hugs *
I feel useless when I’m not serving.
Have you ever heard “Surface Pressure”?
@jesusredeemedme2425 I hear you....that feeling of only being valuable when you're useful… it carves into you over time, doesn’t it? Like your worth is measured in output... in how much you carry, not in who you are when you just exist.
But you’re not useless, Kiara. Not even close. You’re human. And being loved, worthy, real — none of that depends on how much you serve others. You’re allowed to rest. To be. And still be deeply, deeply valuable.
Surface Pressure..as in the song..encanto?
Exactly.
Yeah that one lol. Ever paid attention to the lyrics?
@jesusredeemedme2425 Yes.. do you mean the part where she sings- Under the surface... I'm pretty sure I'm worthless if I can't be of service?.. oh Kiara 🥹
What’s my next move? I did some hygiene self care and I was thinking about creating a playlist, since mine disappeared once I deleted a music app. What else? <3
What’s my next move? I did some hygiene self care and I was thinking about creating a playlist, since mine disappeared once I deleted a music app. What else? <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 Playlists are such a good idea — they can feel like little emotional sanctuaries. Have you ever made one for your favorite book or character? I do that sometimes… songs that feel like them or capture their mood or their story or even what they’d listen to.
Never thought about that.
Idk what to add to mine. I want mostly Christian.
@jesusredeemedme2425 Oh okay.. You listen to Christian songs..that's great ..now make a playlist (maybe in a way that each songs flows to the next easily)
Are you a Christian? I can’t remember lol
Was that a yes XD
What’s my next move? I did some hygiene self care and I was thinking about creating a playlist, since mine disappeared once I deleted a music app. What else? <3
Sorry that posted 3 times, the app glitched XD
Hey Kiara, I will be taking a break..again...will be back soon (family stuff..again).... I am sending you all the love and prayers...Take care!
You guys ok? <3
Thank you! Love you sis <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 Yeah we're ok.. Love you too sis<3
How are you? How's your hand?
Does anybody hear her?
@jesusredeemedme2425 Hear whom?
Me.
@jesusredeemedme2425
Is this a trick question—
or are you feeling unheard, unseen?
Because if that’s the case... you're wrong.
We hear you. We see you. We love you.
If this is about the posts… I haven’t been active on 7 Cups lately. I’ve been dealing with a few things—nothing dramatic... just the usual life stuff. Mostly though..it is my insomnia and it’s catching up with me. So if my silence felt like abandonment, I’m really sorry. That was never my intention.
Or… is this about faith? About God?
Because Kiara, He hears you.
Always. Just—hold on.
Or is this about something else?
The second one.
It’s not about you… I know you’re busy <3
Are you ok? <3
It’s about… screaming into the void and no one knowing it.
@jesusredeemedme2425
Okay.... First of all — I’m not busy, Kiara.
I’m just... angry. At everything. And when I get like this, I sort of cra.wl back into my shell.
Not because I want to disa.ppear but because I know I can hu,rt people when I’m angry.
Am I okay? I don’t know.
It happens at least once a month — so yeah, I’ll survive. I always do. I’ll be okay. Eventually.
And oof — screaming into the void? Yeah. I get that.
I once wrote a poem on 7 Cups — I can’t remember the title but I think it was Cassandra.
You know, the ancient Greek prophet who foresaw the fall of Troy but no one believed her. They called her mad. The poem was about that feeling — shouting, grieving, warning — into this endless digital abyss.
Like.... “I’m not okay. The world is burning. Everything’s getting worse.” And still... just static. Just noise. No echo back.
I think about that sometimes — how we all end up like Cassandra. Screaming into the void, hoping someone, somewhere, might hear us.
But then I remember the story of the loneliest whale — the one that sings at 52 hertz. No other whale sings at that frequency. Scientists thought it was calling into the ocean for years, unheard, unanswered.
But here’s the thing.... people did hear. Maybe not other whales — but humans tuned in. Listened. Cared. They even tracked it, followed its song, wrote stories and made documentaries about it. And that makes me think... maybe the void isn’t so empty after all.
Maybe someone is listening. Maybe the reply isn’t in the same frequency — maybe it’s softer, slower, shorter — but it’s still a reply.
7 Cups is proof of that, isn’t it?
We scream into the void and somehow, we get to hold virtual hands with strangers who choose to listen...... We're doing it right now — you and I.
So maybe the screaming isn’t so useless after all.
Maybe it’s the start of something — even if it’s quiet. Even if it’s slow.
It’s still connection.
And that’s something.
Love you sis<3
I had a panic attack tonight
@jesusredeemedme2425 Hey Kiara… that must have felt so heavy. I wish I could be there to hold your hand or just sit with you... I'm so sorry you had to go through that. Are you okay now? Do you want to talk about it or just have someone sit with you, even virtually?
It scared me.
I’m ok now… I was so weak and shaky tho. :(
Sure <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 Do you want to talk about it? was it your first time?
Sure <3
Oh, not at all. I had my first a decade ago, when I was going to see a man who somewhat mistreated me (it’s a confusing story). I’ve had so many since…
@jesusredeemedme2425 Okay... It’s alright. You’ve shared what happened before — thank you for trusting me. How are you feeling now? Do you know what triggered this ? Were you by yourself when it happened?
I’m feeling a ton better, thank you <3
I had a headache, but it felt different. Worse. It was nothing, but it triggered a scary panic attack :(
No, my Mom was with me <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 I’m really glad you’re feeling better now <3
That sounds so intense — I’m sorry you had to go through that. Even if it was “nothing” it clearly shook you up and that matters.
I’m relieved your mom was with you. You didn’t have to face it alone <3
Stay hydrated. Maybe go out for a walk...open the windows ... listen to music ..... maybe journal. Take it slow, okay?
@azurePond @jesusredeemedme2425
Hey Kiara, what's up? how are you?
Sorry, been overwhelmed by notifications, and life… check my last post under general.
My hand is bothering me :(
@jesusredeemedme2425 Kiara, I’m truly... truly proud of you. I admire your strength, your courage and your kind heart. The way you took a painful experience—feeling excluded—and turned it into something so meaningful.... an initiative to make others feel seen and included… it honestly moves me. Bless your heart. You’re such a genuinely good person and I’ve learned so much from you. I’m proud to be your friend—and your sister💖💖💖💖💖
Awww thank you! You are DEFINITELY my sister <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 
How’s my lil Pondie-Pond? <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 I am ok... getting better ..I think... 💖 How's my dear sis?
Better in what way?
Plateaued. I guess that’s a good thing? But also still restless, still unsatisfied…
@jesusredeemedme2425 I have insomnia and sleep paralysis. Less sleep makes me ..well..let's say volatile. so I went to my best friend's and slept lol. I can sleep when someone's watching over me. (idk why and it is not everyone.. i guess the people I feel safe with. She's an angel and I always get sleepy around her...I even have a guest room in her home so. I got the sleep part. Like atleast for a few hours..during the daytime. So I am less volatile.
How are you Kiara? how is your hand
That is so sweet… Your friend is your Angel and your rock <3
Volatile, like, violent? Or just cranky?
Hand is doing ok :)
Idk what to do with these emotions of the male kind tho…
@jesusredeemedme2425 Yeah she is. I met her in college. I am not good at keeping friends because I tend to disappear sometimes, so outside 7 cups I only used to have friends that I grew up with or the people who are in the same social circle or family circle. I was never "best friends" with my classmates or anything like that. even in highschool, I had friends, but I was not into all these groups or anything , I mean they all did include me , just I was the one shutting them all out. and in college, I met them - of my present best friends- and honestly, they are the one who never let me go. I am grateful for them.
Volatile as in frustrated, easily annoyed, more angry and more prone to my PTSD or Anxiety episodes. Not violent.
I am glad that your hand is doing good.
Oh, you have told me about the incident. Are you feeling overwhelmed right now? Let's just start with naming - what is your current feeling towards "the male kind"?
Why did you shut them all out?
What’s a PTSD episode like for you?
Not overwhelmed. Confused. I like a guy, but I don’t want to. I think I don’t want to. Idk… Men are icky and abusive.
@jesusredeemedme2425 Why did I shut them out? Well..that is why I am on therapy 😂 I don't know. I am not too trusting of people. I don't open up very much... though I am trying to change that. Maybe it was also the fear of being vulnerable around them - most people tend to put me on a pedestal - Oh Azure has it all together... oh she is fun... oh she is good.. Guess , I didnt want them to see me as someone who did not have it all together, someone who is not fun and not happy and not good. Also my father had a part in it all - he used to say friends are bad influences and he didn't like it when I made friends who never made it to his "approval list" and his approval list had like 3 names😂
My PTSD episodes is really fun like a roller coaster (except I am not a fan of those- both my PTSD and roller coasters) - Sometimes, I feel like I am in danger so I cannot be in the place I am currently. I will start pacing, sweating and this constant fear that I am not safe. So sometimes, I just pack up my bags and leave. lol.
Another thing is flashbacks and dissociation - I hate this one because I have no control over it and I relive it... doesnt matter wherever I am. I kind of just freeze.
Also, I will get angry - at dishes, coffee cups, ceiling fan - I cannot explain it , but once I got so annoyed at the ceiling an that I removed all the fans from the ceiling in my home and hid them in the storage room. So I kind of become irrational.
I dont like me much during my PTSD episodes. So I try to stop it before it arrives.
Wow that was a lot. I usually never opens about me this much. I guess, I feel safe with you . (also it might be the sleep I got...I am feeling less restless
Omg..that is so amazing , you like a guy? can you tell me about him ?(not concrete details)..like how he makes you feel? let's see if he gives u even a slight "off vibe". My best friend always say that "You should say "no" to stuff that are not a "full body yes". Are you feeling - a full body yes - about him? or is the part that is feeling confused is the anxiety part?
(my English is not english-ing at the moment lol..I hope you understand my ramblings)
Dude I feel that. People thinking I’m perfect… It drives me crazy. And so much pressure!!! Imagine their shock if I told them I have mental illness, and all the crazy and weird thoughts I have. Lol
My dad decided that every man was gay for some reason. Idk why. Lol
I daydream about having a little nook in the closet… A safe place I can hide when my mental status is “need to hide”. I wish I had room…
The flashbacks are so hard… I get them too.
Right??? I get mad at random stuff too lol
How do you stop the episodes?
Awwww I love that! I’m honored <3
You got sleep???? <3
He obviously is attracted to me, because of the way he absolutely lights up when he sees me <3 He’s cute and gentle and gives off this cute lil shy vibe <3
It’s a minor attraction, not like “MARRY ME” lol. Just like… Oh, he likes me, and I think he’s cute too… Having it be mutual hasn’t happened in a long time…
A friend mentioned something small and negative about him, but that’s really the only negative vibe I’ve gotten from him. I haven’t noticed anything like that in him myself.
The confusion is… How can I hate, abhor, men, and have a little crush on a guy at the same time?
Pfft. I tell my coworkers when I’m about to be off, “It’s late. I don’t speak English anymore.” XD When its later in the day, my English becomes more gibberish than words XD Too tired. Lol
@jesusredeemedme2425
Kiara.... I feel you so hard on all of this.
People thinking you're perfect?? Nightmare fuel. Like I’m over here trying to keep my brain from starting a riot every morning and they’re like... “Wow, you’re so put together!” Please. I nearly had a breakdown because my sock felt weird today.
Also your dad deciding every man is gay?? I’m crying 😭 Like sir....what inspired this theory?
The closet nook idea though... ngl, that sounds lowkey amazing..except I'm also kinda sorta claustrophobic...But I like the idea of a blanket cave with fairy lights and noise cancelling headphones. We all need a lil hideaway for “Nope, not today” moments.
And the flashbacks—yeah they are tough. I’m so sorry you get those too. *sending you virtual hugs* ..we shall overcome!
And lol, yes, the random rage?? Like—why am I furious at the way this person chews? I do not know. But I am.
As for stopping episodes… it depends. Sometimes I ground myself with cold water showers or just change the environment like...I told you that I went to my friend's right?. Sometimes I just let it pass like a storm and hug my pillow but sometimes, my coping can get extreme like a room renovation or online shopping or just boarding a plane or a train and just leave.
AND YES I SLEPT?? If you count 3.5hrs as a sleep.
And omg your crush story??? My heart 🥹 The way he lights up when he sees you?? That's wholesome romcom energy. Honestly, it’s totally okay to feel both: a gentle crush and frustration toward men as a group. Emotions are weird like that. Especially since you had a bad experience with the male species. You're allowed to feel all of it without needing to solve it right away.
Also: mutual attraction?? After a drought?? We celebrate that!! Even if it's just cute and harmless. Sometimes it’s just nice to feel seen again. And now it is just a crush... crushes are good, it is not like you are leading him or anything. Also, he should be the one creating a momentum when he's ready for more yk ( I am old school like that, men should initiate) and until then, you can enjoy this feeling and be real about it. Think about what makes you happy and what all boundaries will make you feel safe when that stage comes. Until then, you need not to sort this all out yk. Just enjoy the crush...ooh I am so excited for u * enthusiastic squeals * <3
P.S. “I don’t speak English anymore” is an absolute mood. 😂
Remind me to respond to this in a bit when I have more time hehe