Chat Between @jesusredeemedme2425 and @azurePond
Hey, Pondie. <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 Hey Kiara!
I have a crush on a guy and it’s confusing me…
Oh. I told you that already lol
@jesusredeemedme2425 Yeah you did... any new developments on that?
Idk. It’s just a mild crush. Someone I can’t actually see myself with…
@jesusredeemedme2425 well....... crushes happen, we have no control over it and it is a crush, there is no rule against having a crush on someone. People even have crushes on celebrities right?.... or do you want any new developments with him?
Also Kiara never sell yourself short, you are a good person that person you should feel honoured imo
I don’t understand the last sentence.
Yeah… idk if I wanna take it to another level or not.
@jesusredeemedme2425 What I meant was—don’t ever feel like having a crush is wrong, or that you don’t deserve it, or that you shouldn’t be feeling that way. You’re a wonderful human being, and you deserve every kind of happiness.
But I might hurt him.
@jesusredeemedme2425 Kiara, you have not reached that stage yet. Anticipation of hurt feels more painful than the actual hurt. So far, he has been a good guy and you are a kind soul who does not hurt others
You don’t know me. You don’t know what I’ve done
@jesusredeemedme2425 Yeah, fair point. But I do not think you are the kind of person who hurts others for fun.. maybe you hurt someone when you felt threaten or you may have involuntary hurt someone.
No… I’ve done stuff.
Saw him today. Crush almost gone.
@jesusredeemedme2425 ooh Kiara...what happened?
@azurePond
A mix of things… I feel little towards him. I’ve heard a negative way he acted towards someone. And the other day I heard him say something else, which, though innocuous, coupled with the other thing, gives me pause and reason to believe he may have anger issues.
Why does EVERY MAN HAVE ANGER ISSUES????
@jesusredeemedme2425 Oh… I honestly think it’s wise to be cautious around men with anger issues—speaking as a woman who struggles with anger issues.
Men are worse. Men are stronger physically…
@jesusredeemedme2425 Physically stronger that's true...also men tend to more take actions whe it comes to anger issues, women (I dont wanna generalise but especially me) try to bottle it up and then explode lol
****TW****
I could get beaten next time.
@jesusredeemedme2425 Oh Kiara..Apologies.. lately I have been a miss.. sorry for not responding to you earlier. I have not forgotten about you.
How are you? Any new developments about that crush?
Yes Kiara, that is a valid concern. Men can be dangerous sometimes, even women. Human beings are really dangerous. It is like when you know that one of the chocolate in a box is poisoned, you tend to be wary of every chocolate in that box. It is not fear or stupidity, it is called survival instinct and experience. So I do get why you need to tread carefully around men but I hope you can also be open to the possibilities of meeting men who are gentle and noble.
No rush at all, I’m always here <3
He was complimentary today :)
One of those chocolates could contain poison.
The men who are gentle and noble don’t want me.
@jesusredeemedme2425 Aww that's cute.
What makes you think that noble and gentle men dont want you?
I’ve tried. They’re not interested.
And what guy wants a girl with soooo many mental issues?
@jesusredeemedme2425 * sits beside you and gives you a hug *
I lose friends by being… Kiara. I try to blend in… and yet my real self comes out. :(
@jesusredeemedme2425 I get it. Some days I feel like I’m just pretending...like the whole “Azure Pond” persona is a performance and the real me isn’t all that likable in real life. But then a friend said something that stuck with me... both versions are still me. Just like you, Kira. The way I see you right now—kind, caring, inclusive—that is you. You are likable. Sure.. I may not know your worst sides but that doesn’t make the good parts any less real.
I think we’re all faking it on some sort of level.
I bet the real you is an incredible person <3 You just don’t see what others see <3
I’m grumpy and snappy and moody and bleh all the time IRL… But I also love HARD. <3
I love you <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 I don’t think we’re faking it—not really. Conversations are often about presenting the best version of ourselves, right? Even when we feel like calling someone an idiot, we hold back and try to be understanding. That’s not fake—it’s just being human in a society. It's restraint, not dishonesty.
I love you too <3
I think it’s more like… Trying to present ourselves as better than we feel. To blend in and pretend to be normal…
I love making Christmas cards for people. Sharing Jesus with them, using my cards. <3 But I’m also savagely moody sometimes… I mask when I can’t bother faking being happy that day. The mask helps me hide my sadness…
You ARE incredible. Even if you don’t see it. <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 That’s such a beautiful and honest way to put it—trying to blend in, to seem “normal” even when everything feels heavy inside. I really resonate with that. But that makes us 'considerate people' rather than 'fake' right?
<3
But the both versions of you are real..both are the same you. People can have contradictions, Kiara.
Even if you cannot see it all the time, I see it and I am sure the people here see it too <3
I’m a chameleon.
Considerate?
I try <3 I want people to know what love is. True love.
COVID was such a lifesaver… Masks allow me to hide in plain sight.
I wish I weren’t me.
I’m not incredible. I’m spinning my wheels. Existing. Waiting for… something. I wanna feel again…
I wanna feel, so badly, again…
@jesusredeemedme2425 YOU ARE INCREDIBLE, KIARA... YOU ARE NOT A CHAMELEON. YOU ARE THE INKREDIBLE KIARA, INKREDIBLE WITH A K BECAUSE K FOR KIARA... (am I ruining this ? but you get the message)
*licks a bug* Yummy!
@jesusredeemedme2425 What do you mean by masks helped you to hide?
I don’t feel pressured to show any certain emotion when I’m wearing a mask. It’s like I’m hiding.
@jesusredeemedme2425 That makes a lot of sense... masks can feel like a shield... like you’re allowed to disappear a little or at least not be expected to perform anything you’re not feeling.
So you ever feel like it’s easier to be yourself when you’re hidden ? or does it feel more like you’re protecting something?
Exactly.
Neither… It’s removing the pressure to perform.
Knock Knock , KIara
Puddles is back from the pond
with a croack croack frog
There’s a frog??? Where???? <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 
Hey Kiara....
So I was just thinking… imagine someone naming their son Reggie and you're like... "Oh! short for Reginald, after your grandfather?"
And they go...."No. short for Refrigerator"
Then there’s Cassie but her full name is Casserole.
Barnie? Short for Barnacle
Ellie—not Eleanor no no—short for Elastic
And Terry? Yeah that’s short for Teriyaki
😭😭
Bahahahahaha That’s EPIC XD
You should make a post about this. ;)
@jesusredeemedme2425 🤣🤣
I feel yucky inside :(
@jesusredeemedme2425 Oh Kiara... you're NOT yucky — you're absolutely amazing, inside and out. Can I ask what brought this thought up just now?
Men. Boundaries. I feel demoralized and beaten after standing up for myself…
@jesusredeemedme2425 If someone sees your boundaries as a threat or as unfair to them.... then they are the problem, Kiara, NOT YOU
I feel like… wearing a blanket so no one can see me anymore.
@jesusredeemedme2425 oh Kiara, you are loved and you are seen. We love you. you do not have to hide *hugs *
I think I need to retreat, disappear, for awhile… Not from here, not from life. Just from… being me.
@jesusredeemedme2425 I hear you, Kiara… we all feel like that sometimes and it’s completely ok to want a break from yourself. Just know that you don’t have to dis.appear to be loved—we love you exactly as you are.... even in the moments when it feels heavy to be you<3
See my last post under Needs reply
Check my newest post under general. Beware the TW…
@jesusredeemedme2425 ok..let me check
Yoooooo hehe
@jesusredeemedme2425 Sorry for disappearing on you, Kiara. I needed some time out . I was unwell and recovering and then things just got a bit overwhelming and out of balance. I’m only now catching up on all the notifications. How have you been? I hope you didn’t take my absence personally, and that you’re doing well <3
I’m so sorry, are you ok? <3
Absolutely not… I know people are busy and dealing with stuff <3
biiiigggg hugggggssss <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 Thanks for the hugs, Kiara *biiiigggg hugs for you *
Yeah.. I am not ok.. yet.. I think I will disappear for a while ... again
If you wanna talk about it, I’m here <3 If not, I’ll be here for you too <3
There’s a guy doing bird calls outside. Lol
@jesusredeemedme2425 Ahh sorry for the late reply, Kiara 😅
thank you for that, really. It means more than I can say <3 And haha a guy doing bird calls? that’s either oddly wholesome or slightly concerning 😂 what kind of birds was he summoning out there??
How are you, sis? what's up??
No matter how long, I’ll still be here <3
You’re worth it to me <3
Lol I think he was calling to the crows flying overhead <3
I almost had a breakdown the other day…
Also can’t stop overeating.
What about you??
@jesusredeemedme2425 That means a lot, Kiara.. more than you ever know <3
Crows? why did he call the crows though ..haha... its funny when you think about it
Oh what happened? did something trigger you? how are you holding up?
I am getting better.. I guess.. the ankle is kinda fine now, the wound on my forehead is still there... and I can breathe normally now... and heartbeats all normal.. but I do get occasional shortness of breath and mild pain in the chest
Awww <3
I have no idea, but his crow call was SO spot on lol
Idk… I just… keep eating. My stomach hurts. I’m getting fatter… I disgust myself.
Where are the last 4 symptoms coming from?
@jesusredeemedme2425 Hey Kiara, I get that your mind’s being really cruel rn but you don’t deserve that. You’re not “disgusting.” Period. You’re struggling rn and that’s human. Your body isn’t the enemy. It’s just tired and asking for care. And that translates to food... so let’s be gentle with it today, yeah? eventho it feels like a battle.
idk, my body is the least functioning thing in the world, right next to an iphone brought 3 years ago.
I feel like a bloated whale… out of control.
Lollllll how did you know about how my phone is behaving ;)
@jesusredeemedme2425 Do you feel like all the time or when something triggers you?
Anyway.. you are not a bloated whale, your mind is playing tricks on you
Mostly after I binge. But other times too.
Yep… My phone is doing that planned obsolescence thing lol
Have you seen The Brave Little Toaster?
@jesusredeemedme2425 Does delaying the binge eating helps?
No i havent watched it.. is it a disney movie? * I just googled it*
Sorta?
No, it’s from the 90s or so. It talks about planned obsolescence.
Hey you, how you doing??? <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 Hey sis... I am in a better shape than I was last week.. but overall, I could be better.. How are you?
What happened last week?
I’m good, dealing with my crazy tangle of mental issues as usual, but nothing too unusual lol! Also been finishing up my Christmas cards <3
Hey <3
@jesusredeemedme2425 Hey Kiara, how re you?
Hey girl <3
Sorry, super behind on my notifications lol. I think I had like 200 or so lol
Tired. Was in a bit of a crisis mode the other day (while safe). Wasn’t enjoying things. Bad day. :(
How’ve you been?
@jesusredeemedme2425
Heyy<3
I feel you.. I am mining through my mountain of notifications.
I am glad you are feeling better.
Me too. I have been a bit off lately.. maybe because it is Christmas season.. I get anxious a lot this time of the year
Can you tell how big my pile got? Hehe
Why anxious?
Hey :)
@jesusredeemedme2425 Hey.. how are u Kiara?
Tired. Overate again. Made myself sick. The usual lol, nothing exciting XD
How are youuuuu??? Haven’t seen you around much lately <3
Cool PFP btw <3