For two broken hearts to try and mend
@convivialAvocado1138. @braindamag3
If you are not named in the thread, please do not read/post/Subscribe/❤️
Thank you
Hello,
Finally nice to meet someone who can understand the pain of loosing a loved one even though there was never anything romantic or physical between the two parties.
I never felt so broken in my life, until that day. That is the main reason as to why I am here on 7 Cups
I totally get it. It feels worse than grieving someone who's actually passed in some ways
How are you managing now?
The past 3 weeks have been much better after getting closure.
But if a background:
Back in Sept 2025, work started renovations, kicking me out of my office that was my sanctuary for 23 years. I'll call her "C" she got shipped to a different building. I had the biggest panic attack I'd ever experienced.
Like a fool I called her to talk but I could not get a word in edgewise, she did nothing but complain about the location she had to work in, I listened.
I then sent her a text and I'm that text told her that I truly missed her presence and had deep feelings for her.
She became distant, barely two words in texts, then there would be a day where is get a life story. Not realizing she was breadcrumbing me.we continued to communicate through texts.
Then the office opened back up at the end of March, I was excited to see her. Went by her desk and we small talked but the one thing I picked up on was her facial expression and body language. It definitely told me she did not want me there.
I dropped by a couple days later and she had no time for me. I decided then that I needed to step back. Sent her a Teams note to tell her I was ending our journey.
Her reply back to me sounded very stand offish and defensive. Sayin she never told me she did not want to talk to me.
Imy next text, I layed it all out. Telling her how I felt she reacted to me being near her and that before I told her about my feelings, things we seamless between us but that was no longer the case. I just told her that I hope she finds true happiness in her future and that was it from me.
She replied back and said that I made her uncomfortable and overwhelmed her with what I said.
That's how I left it for 3-1/2 months. I tried my best to stay away and not go anywhere near her desk. We eventually crossed paths in a break room and I said morning and she replied morning turned around and saw that it was I standing there and abruptly turned and gave me the cold shoulder. That broke me more thinking she did not even want to keep it professional.
I found 7 Cups and started venting here but found it wasn't helping at first. I picked a Listener and the advice he gave made me want to throw up and massive panic attack.
He told me to write a letter laying everything out and telling her that I was not looking for anything romantic or physical from her. As tough as it sounded that is what gave me peace and my heart started to heal after getting the courage to go over to her desk and hand her that letter.
Telling her yes I did fall in love with her but only wanted her friendship and that I was sorry that I ruined everything.
She accepted my apology and we are at least keeping things professional in the office. Mind you I have not seen her in 3 weeks since sitting with her and giving the letter
But my body almost instantly became so much lighter. There are days I still fall back and become overly emotional and can't be around anyone.
Long story but there's much more. 😬
Hope your willing to share as well, it really does help to discuss. Just I haven't found one person on here who truly understands
I get it, maybe she didn't know how to say how she felt. Maybe she was afraid of hurting you or losing your friendship. I'm glad to hear that your body feels lighter. Sometimes seeing the person everyday only makes it harder.
That was one of the many "what ifs" that went though my head.
My marriage wasn't the greatest for a better part of 20 years, we basically just co-habitated in the same house.
Her marriage has been dead for over 20 years.
We we both vulnerable, and it was a 12 year friendship and I'd like to believe that she also had feelings but did not know how or did not want to express them.
WhT makes it hard for me is, 25 years with the same company and she was the only true friend I had. I do have two others but I have never confided in them.
One was my former boss who retired last year, we still communicate about once a week.
The other I have know from day 1 but our friendship is different.
I totally get it. The dynamic you two shared were unlike the others so it's natural it would seem stronger.
The one thing that eats at me everyday and will until the day I die.
I cannot tell my wife that I fell in love with another woman, it would devastate her.
We have been in a good place since last September, and I thank "C" for giving me advice to find out what was broken with my marriage.
Hmm, I see. Do you feel that it's eating away at you, not telling her?
In my situation I did tell my husband. He was hurt initially but understanding as to why it happened in the first place. Our communication wasn't great at the time.
My wife finds it very hard to trust a man.
She comes from a broken home where both parents cheated and most of her 7 brothers.
I've learnt to live with the way she is.
It definitely is but like I said. It is the one thing I will take to my grave.
Maybe things will change inside of me once I retire and no longer have to see C, that will happen at the end of this year.
So you experienced somewhat the same with a co-worker?
Understood. For some reason, it won't allow me to send my message. I have to keep breaking it up. Bear with me lol ð¤£
For my background:
The feelings were mutual on both ends with I'll call him "M". We both had a strong connection. Emotionally, mentally, even when it came down to music we'd send songs, playlists. He knew the artists I liked & ik what he liked to hear when he was on his way to the gym.
I'm married. He is not. While we worked together I had boundaries in place. When I left the company he saw no need for boundaries & that's when he confessed his feelings.
I'd consider myself pretty easy going & so to was he. We always got along together quite well. He always went out of his way to ensure I was comfortable, not stressed, wanted to lighten my load & I loved that.
At first I told him I was unavailable but we kept in touch for networking. Niche industry so you can't really afford to not keep in touch.
I had to let him go because if I kept making space for him in my heart ik he'd take over. & I wasn't willing to risk throwing away my marriage. When I broke things off it crushed him. He kept trying to change my mind. & I was battling internally. It was so hard. Still is. I often think of him. Always tempted to reach out. Ik for him he will always keep that door open.
There was one time I had just gone out with friends to a concert. Husband dropped me off. It was raining & late. Initially I was going to UBER home. But the venue was packed. The UBER's kept cancelling. "M" had been texting me all night. I had called my husband asking him to pick me up. He said he was tired & didn't wanna leave the house.
I never complained about my husband never talked about that with "M". But, he called me & asked hey how are you getting him did you get a ride yet? I told him no the cars keep cancelling. Didn't mention my husband didn't want to come out in the rain. Instantly, he tells me I'm coming to get you. Where are you now? He's very masculine, assumes responsibility & very much a protector. I admire that in him. I kept debating do I accept this ride? I really need one.
I ended up refusing the tide. Instead praying sooooo hard. Because ik if I get in that car it's over. I'd already been in the car with him once before. And hadn't seen him face to face since that day because of it. The last car ride we were supposed to grab food where I was planning to end our "relationship" face to face instead he made a move wanted to kiss. I turned him down. This time I didn't know if I'd be strong enough to turn him down again.
That's my story 🥺
Trying to get over someone I still love, because there was never a rain not to love him other than I belong to someone else 💔
That's my story 🥺
Trying to get over someone I still love, because there was never a rain not to love him other than I belong to someone else 💔
*reason
It is hard, there are days my heart still aches for C and I get all emotional over it.
We never met outside of the office, not even go out for lunch.
I totally get it, maybe it's better you never went for lunch. It would only make the bond stronger. I regret getting in the car, because I was wayyyyyy too comfortable with him. I could see instantly how he fit into my heart. I couldn't let it grow anymore. And he could see me fighting it always hoping I'd give in but never pushy.
When your heart aches for her what do you do to cope?
Good that you showed restraint.
After telling C I had feelings, I sent another text telling her out right that I would never act upon them. I could never ruin what my wife and I built all these years.
When I met my wife in 83, I did not know right away that she was a single mom (widow) of a beautiful little girl with down syndrome, me being a sucker for children, she just made my heart melt.
@braindamag3
Instant family. I can only imagine that poses a lot of it's own challenges. What things do you like to do together with your wife?
Just saw this post
It's rare we get time alone, our daughter is always there and can not be left alone. But one of my wife's friends will take her for a few nights so we can make date days / nights. She will be out from this Thursday to Sunday. We are trying think of things to do and places to go 😁
We like to take walks in forested areas, we'll drive for an hour to reach a good destination.
Listen to the birds or running water from a stream or small river running through.
What about you and your husband? What do the two of you like to do?
Yeah sometimes I miss a post too 🤭 then I'll go back & retrace my steps using the timestamps for anything I miss. I think it posts based off of where we click reply. I'll repost this at the bottom of the thread so you don't have to scroll all the way back. & I'll try to keep posting at the bottom to make it easier.
Aww that's sweet. It's amazing that you two have a support system that's willing to assist so you guys can enjoy that time together. Any time spent in nature I feel is a natural way to reestablish any bond.
For my husband & I we're both introverted. I consider myself to be an introverted extrovert 🤣 I love going out but when I want to be home I just want to be home chilling lol. So usually if we're in the mood to go out we're with friends usually. If it's a date night we'll go to dinner. Both love food. Maybe go grab a drink. Go see a show sorta thing.
He's a very BUSY man so sometimes we'll try to go out during the week after work just for a happy hour to reconnect. It's been awhile but when we're on it we're on it.
If we're at home, we're just couch potatoes together, I'll mix some drinks & we'll watch a movie or play games.
I'm very silly & animated so I like to tease & be mischievous 😆 so when we're in a good place we're usually just goofing off at home. Yesterday was kind of like that. It did make me smile.
I do feel guilty when I have good moments like that with my husband & I'm missing "M" at the same time.
It really is it's own kind of torture 😫
I go for long walks 3 to 5 miles, listening to music. It is the only thing that helps calm my heart.
@braindamag3
I love that for you. Music has always been my go to as well as any form of art.
Unfortunately I have also turned to taking THC sublingual tablets and or CBD gel caps to help ease the pain
@braindamag3
I know sometimes we choose a quick solution to move through an emotion faster. But, I'm learning this is no race one can speed through🥺. Take your time🥲
That's for sure.
My journey has been going 11 months and no end in the foreseeable future. There is some relief but when will it fully disappear? is a mystery.
My favorite all time band is Pink Floyd, mostly their music prior to The Wall but I do like a large variety. 90% of my playlist on my phone is Pink Floyd
Who's your favorite all time band?
@braindamag3
Funny story my old boss "different job" had kids roughly around early teens and he'd play Pink Floyd all the time. One day his kids were at the office and we were all jamming so he asks them have you heard of Pink Floyd and they were like yeah, she's that singer that does all those aerial arts. We looked at each other and bust out laughing. We're like no that's PINK and they were like, wait, so Floyd isn't her last name? 🤪
Too funny 𤣠ð¤£
@braindamag3
I'm a Caribbean gal by blood so I love some good SOCA music, Dancehall & Afrobeats. Currently, I've been listening to an artist Masego. I like Trap Jazz & Snoh Aalegra when I'm feeling a rush of emotions missing him.
OK, I did not see that coming 🤗
I will have Google some of those when I'm on my computer
I've always been fascinated by steel drum bands and how they can make such great music from a steel can. 👍
@braindamag3
I like to surprise people. 😄
LOL 😃
I live to dance lol so if the beat is good & makes me want to move it's my kind of music ❤️
I will be back later on in the evening or tomorrow.
Time to prep and get ready to cook dinner.
My wife would not understand me being on 7 Cups, she does not see me as broken, I put on a brave face when around her.
Have a great evening and hope some of this talking and getting it out has helped somewhat?
I'd like to thank you for listening to me ramble 😀
It has helped me some today, knowing that there is someone on 7 Cups who understands the depth of having a broken 💔 over the loss of a friend.
I totally get it same here. Hope you're making something that tastes amazing.
My husband is aware that I'm seeking support. I try to be honest in the steps I make to continue to promote better communication styles with us. Giving him the respect he deserves and also fostering continued trust.
While he also allows me the privacy I need to explore what that looks like for me fully. I'm eternally grateful for that. Maybe we can catch up later or tomorrow to see how you're doing? Anywho, enjoy your evening ☺️
Morning,
Dinner was not too bad. Boneless skinless chicken thighs, steamed veggies, sweet potatoes, brussel sprouts, carrots, broccoli and cauliflower. Problem is my wife and kid don't like spicy for food most of the time is bland 😕
I good that your husband is aware, at least you do have some support at home.
I work in the office Mon, Wed, and Thurs, and my anxiety tends to rise some when preparing to go to work.
Morninggggggg,
Nutrition is nutrition no matter how we look at it. Maybe keep a little hot sauce for yourself 😄
Yeah he's aware. I think yesterday he was upset a bit because he knew I was on here. I was trying to hang out with him throughout the day but he kept busying himself with other things so I let him be. But then, when he wanted to hang out I was so over it. I'm like you had all day to "WANT" to hang hang out. Now this is just your left over time. So I told him I don't want to always be an after thought. Timing is usually bad. He said sorry, let's watch a movie. He was enjoying the movie, at that point I was already upset, did laundry instead to now busy myself & jumped on here for a bit.
I can only imagine the level of anxiety that brings when you're about to step into the office. 🥺
I hope it feels less intense as the day progresses.
I'm preparing for an interview I have later today. A little anxious myself 😬
Can't lie I was tempted to text "M" again because of it. It was Sunday for crying out loud & you have no time for me? "M" would've said, Where are you? Where do you want to go? Let's chill No pressure. But I fought the urge yet again 💪
I can't lie in my deep gut. I enjoy talking to you. However, I'm a little afraid I'll develop an emotional attachment with you too. The reason I say that is because I was really looking forward to your good morning message.
I'm not trying to repeat history. But, I do enjoy our meaningful conversations.
I enjoy spicy, but no one else does. My preference is Habanero or Scotch Bonnet.
I grow them and then dehydrate and make a pepper flake.
I understand how you would feel that way towards your husband, I get the same way with my wife. She tends to spend a lot of time on her phone. Checking out news stories, or yapping with her friends.
Good luck with your interview, hope all goes well.
I use to do the same thing with "C", I would text her when I was neglected by my wife or she would say stuff that was really hurtful. But these days being alone at work make it really tough.
You shouldn't have to worry about getting emotionally attached, all we do is text here. The one thing I like about this place is that we are anonymous, there is no face to face or actual talking. Maybe look at it that way?
I also am enjoying our conversations.
I'll consider looking at it from that perspective âºï¸
Interview went VERY well. Had a tour of the facility. Met with a few of the supervisors. Looking forward to a second interview working with what could be my new team. Just finished making baked Ziti as a celebratory meal. 𤤠It was Delicious
The interview sounds like it was promising? Here's to acing the second interview 👍
Had to Google "baked Ziti" it looks amazing, a twist on just lasagna
🤞 Crossing my fingers
GASPS
You've never had baked Ziti before???
Mind Blown
Then you've never lived my friend lol
Loveeeeeee Scotch Bonnet. I usually drop it in my soup when I'm making it & take it out just before the seeds come out to get the flavor but control the spice level or I'll add it to season up some fish. Yum. Now I think I'm want to cook later this week lol
Only time I can make food spicy is when my wife and kid are not home or if I make a slow cook chilli. But I do put my pepper flakes on just about everything 😁
Mmmm chili. Comfort food that's good for the soul especially on a really cold day ð¥¶
I'll make a big batch and split it up into containers for lunch. It's the one thing that I cook solely for myself 😁
As u should have those little joys for yourself
I'm a Caribbean gal by blood so I love some good SOCA music, Dancehall & Afrobeats. Currently, I've been listening to an artist Masego. I like Trap Jazz & Snoh Aalegra when I'm feeling a rush of emotions missing him.
Got a feel for the type of music you enjoy. 👍
Masego - I listened to the remix of Favorite Things, he has a nice voice
Snon Aalegra - I can see why she would be a go to for feelings. Dying 4 your love seems like a heavy song.
I have a playlist on my phone for those days.
Black Sabbath - Changes << This one always pulls at the heart strings, and was my go to even when I lost my first love back in the early 80's before meeting my person.
Tom Petty - Wildflowers
Jimmy Cliff - I can see clearly now
Led Zeppelin - I can't Quit you baby
just to name a few.
I just listened to Tim Petty- Wildflowers. It's truly a beautiful song & I really liked the Led Zeppelin- I can't Quit you baby. Loved the guitar solo.
I really enjoy hearing live music, hearing all the instruments. That's one of the main reasons I was drawn to the artist Masego. His voice hits my soul but he plays all the instruments on his songs. He's a bit cocky lol but he's good. He literally has a song called I DO EVERYTHING! When I'm cleaning the house, cooking or driving my fav song to play by him is Veg Out. Always puts me in a good mood, dance cooking/cleaning as I call it
Went to go see Dave Matthews Band awhile back. Beautiful concert. What's the best concert you've been to if that's your thing?
