Reconnecting
Hi @helgyafy @tinywhisper11 @mytwistedsoul
I hope you don’t mind me creating this thread. I’m sorry, I haven’t been online lately and I couldn’t find where we’ve chatted before. I think of you all often and the kindness you’ve shown me, and I wonder how you’re doing. I really hope you’ve been well. I’m sending you prayers. Please pray for or think of me too when you have a moment. Please let me know how you’ve been.
❤️
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas now your turn to be back 💖
@BlueDarkAurora I agree! Please come back to us @PiecesOfWhoeverIWas 💜
Thought I'd leave these here in case anyone wanted to see :)
@mytwistedsoul 😍😍😍 wow! Soul they are beautiful 💖 that little cave thing in the rocks is amazing I want to go camping there😁 are theese taken around where you live??
@Tinywhisper11 Hi 😊 It's the state below mine. In West Virginia. It's an area called Dolly Sods. (If you want to Google it) You would love it there and they do allow camping!
@Tinywhisper11 @WorkingitThrough2 @mytwistedsoul
How we doing? <_< 🌷
@BlueDarkAurora Truth be told, I'm having a moment. Trouble sleeping and nightmares. It will pass, just have to hold on until it does. 💜 Thank you for checking in with us all. How are you?
@mytwistedsoul is it cause of stress? You know the reason?
They're super frustrating but yep they'll pass 💙
Do you try to find reasons behind dreams or nightmares? Do you mind me asking questions xD?
I'm alright ^-^
@BlueDarkAurora Stress is probably part of it. Another part could be an attempt to process some grief. Other's are replays from the past. It's a little embarrassing to admit that some nights I feel absolutely terrified of the dark, afraid of what lurks in it, because it feels like someone is in the room.
@mytwistedsoul Processing grief ^^ we do have to start somewhere and then find the will to keep going. I'm glad you're already doing it 💙 I don't think I have started yet.
I always keep a night lamp on, or a torch nearby if the weather is rough. Nothing wrong with being afraid of the dark, it is a terrifying feeling to wake up from nightmares into the dark.
@BlueDarkAurora I sort of feel I have to? Or at least pretend to be. It feels like it's been taking too long. It seems to be what people expect of me. The things they say, the way they act if I mention or try to talk about it... I might just be fooling myself too, because there are times it feels as though I haven't even begun to grieve.
I've been thinking. People talk about the stages of grief, I don't know if I've seen any mention of the stage of confusion (although I've haven't looked either, I just realized the confusion that's there) and there is confusion.
@mytwistedsoul @BlueDarkAurora hugs you both tightly 💖 I keep calming lights on at night, cause yeah the dark is very scary. Soul I don't know if the stages of grief represent us all, it's a personal journey full of ups and downs, just remember we are here for you 💖 we are here for you to Aurora💖 we are 3 good friends who have been streaken by grief, but yet each of us finds it hard to talk about it with each other🙁 I guess it's just a matter of keep holding on, keep trying 💖 I love you both 💖
@Tinywhisper11 That last message I posted sounds confused too 😕 *hugs you tight* Thank you ❤️ I love you too
@mytwistedsoul confusion is very real and a hard thing to carry alonr🙁 I love you soul and I'm always here for you 💖
@Tinywhisper11 💗
@mytwistedsoul Honestly I've never thought about the stages of grief for myself cause it never felt that black and white to me. It's always been a mix of whatever. I guess I've noticed the confusion too, if you're talking about the kind that blurs the memories of what actually happened and what was just imagined. Also if a certain event happened before or after them.
@mytwistedsoul Do you feel like you are expected to share your progress with others? I don't understand the people who tell us or make us feel like we have to start unpacking trauma or grief just because it's been a while. But then I do understand too, cause they have fixes that they think can patch things up. And almost a hundred percent of the time those are horrible repairs.
This kind of suggestion about moving on burns bridges too. You don't see these people the same after that. It's like an indifference.. a "I'm fine, thanks" kind of exchange.
Hmm fooling our own self, like a false hope that feels real for a moment? But it's still a start I think ^^ maybe a practice run.
I hope you don't feel too behind or like it's too late. I'm there at the starting line, just running in place 💙
Oh and about the sounds, does amping up the security make it feel less scary?
@BlueDarkAurora Some of it is the kind that blurs memories. At the same time the memories are at war amongst themselves. The better memories are outnumbered but they are brave. It's thoughts of, am I grieving? Should I be grieving? Still? Am I doing it right? Which I know it's a personal experience for everyone and we're all different. There's really no one to share progress with. The handful of people in real life, couldn't care less. If I try, I get rolled eyes, or impatient sighs. I try not to bring it up. And here... idk. It's hard to share here because many times I do write and the censor catches something and I don't have the patience to skim through what was written to try and find the offending words. So I take that as another sign to be quiet. There's other thoughts about here but they're not really nice ones.
@mytwistedsoul No worries about long texts, we all here love walls. (I'm the blue one)
I think that confusion is also a part of grieving so that is grieving. Should you be grieving? If the loss has a "my" in front of it, then yes you should be grieving.
As for how long? That's not for anyone else to question but you. If it still hurts, it still needs to be grieved.
If the people around you aren't interested in your healing, they shouldn't be the ones acting like it's been too long. I'm guessing it is one of those situations where they want you to be better for their own comfort or convenience.
"but then I feel guilty because I should feel something."
Sometimes guilt swings us to the emotional edge just to settle. The mind jumps from love to hate, anger to guilt. And everything feels so extreme. That numbness can also be a part of this extreme.
Do you ever challenge your guilt? I think part of this comes from the beliefs we hold. How quick we are to make excuses for others and how difficult it is to justify our own reactions.
"Happiness is a little scary in that way."
Happiness can be terrifying. You remember how it feels, you remember the pain of losing it and then there's hope that maybe you could have it back again.
Can you think of something that brings you happiness, without such high stakes of loss once it arrives?
Love the puppies :D You have my 100% support 💖
"There are times I've wondered if he's haunting the house. Which is silly of course."
Haunted by grief or by the person who left, maybe a silly thought but I'm sure it's something that has crossed the mind of many who have experienced grief.
I think they do leave 💙 What stays is the emotional imprint of love, sadness, guilt, anger, everything they made us feel.
Praying, lightening candles does seem to help by filling the space with warmth and positivity. I'm sending you love and positive vibes 💕
The questions are skippable ^-^🌷
@BlueDarkAurora Convenience, I think, is a big part of it. I just need to function and get things taken care of.
@mytwistedsoul
@mytwistedsoul To love again after a loss takes a lot of courage. Same can be said about happiness. There's always a willing risk. That was a stupid question, sorry about that ^^
Can there be closure in the idea that there will be closure after? I'd like to think that love is the only emotion pure enough to remain in heaven. Writing letters or even speaking aloud can help I think.
The first year had me haunted by signs and dream that felt like signs. Now with some distance they all seem hazy, just something that the mind made up. But if believing in something brings a little peace to the heart, why not hold on to that? Maybe it's not about proving what's there or what's not. Maybe it's about how it makes us feel.
"Do you find that everything seems fine for a while but it slowly builds up and bursts?"
It does feel a bit like a mockery. Like what's the fun in pushing someone down when they're already so low? Let them climb a few steps first. But this is a belief I think I've strengthened with each misstep. Core beliefs can change, the struggle is about finding the strength to make them.
@BlueDarkAurora
@Tinywhisper11 💖💕💗
@BlueDarkAurora I don't think it was a stupid question. It made me give some thought to happiness and what that might be for me.
@mytwistedsoul nope all cool here 💗
The struggle with faith really hits so hard during grief ^^ What's been the hardest part for you?
The dream storylines are familiar 💙 Now the dreams are all a struggle to hold on to something so fragile.. hate the fear they bring. Have you noticed any major change in how you feel or react?
I'm glad that you're trying, really am proud of all the work that you've put in and all the love that you share with others even when it's difficult 💗
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas 💙 Sending you love and positive thoughts 💙
@BlueDarkAurora Adding mine to yours. She's been gone for so long. 😞 She is missed 💜
@mytwistedsoul sends my love to pieces💖💖 we are here for you 💗
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
🤔🤔 the people who use the phrase ' the best things in life are free' ... Are most likely theives🤔😂😂
@Tinywhisper11 xD
@BlueDarkAurora 😂😂😂😂 your the theif😮😮😮😂😂
@Tinywhisper11
@BlueDarkAurora
@Tinywhisper11
@BlueDarkAurora
@Tinywhisper11
@Tinywhisper11 Do you know where pine is? I haven't seen him in a while.
@BlueDarkAurora 🙁 nope! He dissapeared a couple of months ago, and haven't heard from him since😥
@Tinywhisper11 oh I hope he is alright 💗
@BlueDarkAurora me too😥 me and pine was pretty close, I'm worried about him
@Tinywhisper11 aw understandable 💗 Let's just imagine he's on a lovely vacation and will be back to us soon.
@BlueDarkAurora yeah maybe he went to visit the moon to get cheese for everyone's Xmas present 😁 and he'll be back any day now 💖
@Tinywhisper11
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I really can't stand my neighbours, so I'm just gonna eat the potatoes and veg instead😋
@Tinywhisper11
@BlueDarkAurora 😂😂
@Tinywhisper11
@BlueDarkAurora
@Tinywhisper11
@BlueDarkAurora 😂😂😂 thanks 💖 all better now😁
@Tinywhisper11
@WorkingitThrough2
@BlueDarkAurora
@Tinywhisper11
@BlueDarkAurora
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
@Tinywhisper11 💖
@BlueDarkAurora thanks sweetie 💖 I love you 💗
@mytwistedsoul @Tinywhisper11 :D wish me luck for two wishes please 💗
@BlueDarkAurora good luck💖💖 I hope your two wishes come true💖💖 how come you made two wishes?? Did you wish on a star??
@Tinywhisper11 I need to think of a wish for my birthday candle blowing😁 my carers said the birthday wishes will come true as long as your wish isn't selfish
@Tinywhisper11 Thank you sooo much 💖💗 No, no stars but I just wished for them from my heart :') 💗
@BlueDarkAurora Adding my hope to your's and Tiny's. May all your wishes come true! ❤️
