Reconnecting
Hi @helgyafy @tinywhisper11 @mytwistedsoul
I hope you don’t mind me creating this thread. I’m sorry, I haven’t been online lately and I couldn’t find where we’ve chatted before. I think of you all often and the kindness you’ve shown me, and I wonder how you’re doing. I really hope you’ve been well. I’m sending you prayers. Please pray for or think of me too when you have a moment. Please let me know how you’ve been.
❤️
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I'm going to see the nutcracker on Saturday 😁 not the play though, just my partners mother
@Tinywhisper11
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
Be proud of the steps no one saw you take 💗
@BlueDarkAurora I can't even see me take steps😂 in defeeted😂😂
@Tinywhisper11 *-* but but your heart does
@BlueDarkAurora
@Tinywhisper11
@WorkingitThrough2 I hope you are alright 💖 Miss you :)
@BlueDarkAurora we all miss you💖
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas
@BlueDarkAurora Thank you friend. ❤️ I love you too. How have you been? How have you really been?
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I'm alright ^-^
How have you been? 💗
@BlueDarkAurora I’m alright too. ☺️
Is Christmas an enjoyable season for you or a harder one? I think it’s both for me in different ways. What is your favorite time of year?
Just so you know, you are very special person to me. ❤️❤️
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas Thank you for saying that, it made me smile 💓
This season doesn't hold much weight but winter feels a bit heavy. I think the failures I've faced are adding to it all. But that's okay, I can't skip to the good part ^^ have to go through it all to reach there.
I'm glad to know you're alright, I'm happy for you. You deserve all the happiness 💗 Hope You know that I will always have so much love and respect for you.
@mytwistedsoul Hi Twist! Please forgive me, I’ve been sitting here thinking that I’m pretty sure I bugged you lately, So I hope I don’t annoy you, but I’m going to do it again. I can’t help notice when I don’t see you posting a lot, and I wonder how you’re doing. I’m not sure when I logged on last, so I should probably search around before writing this, I think there are a lot of everyone’s news I miss. But I figured regardless maybe this note would just let you know my heart is thinking about your heart.
There are so many things to think and feel this time of year. I hope you would come to this thread if you need, to vent, for company, or talk about something deep. Big and small things are ok here. Thank you for all the times you’ve been there for me.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas There's nothing to forgive dear Pieces. You haven't bugged me at all. I apologize if I did or said something to make you think that. I don't always get notifications, if I missed one from you I am truly sorry ❤️
@mytwistedsoul 💜💕
@BlueDarkAurora 💜💜
@mytwistedsoul I love you soul 💖
@Tinywhisper11
@BlueDarkAurora
@mytwistedsoul
@BlueDarkAurora
@mytwistedsoul
@BlueDarkAurora I love you even more💖💖💖💖
@Tinywhisper11
@BlueDarkAurora 💖💖💖💖💖💖
@Tinywhisper11
@mytwistedsoul
@mytwistedsoul You haven’t done anything to make me feel that way at all, don’t worry. ❤️ It’s just my own memory lapses. 😅
I don’t want to push because I hope you are sharing as you want and feel most comfortable. I also get a feeling maybe you feel like you can’t or shouldn’t write when you need. I’m sorry if that’s wrong or overstepping. I’ve deleted that several times. I don’t mean to make you feel like you have to write either. Maybe I’m writing this from my own experience, if you ever find yourself in that place where you’re sitting in a room feeling alone in the world, or like you’re going to explode, or feel panicked and don’t know where to turn, or so down you can’t see how anything’s going to get better, know you have a place here where your feelings matter. You still don’t have to write if you don’t want, just know you aren’t alone and are cared for. It doesn’t matter if you think you’ve already talked about it, or it’s something that won’t change. I promise I will try my best to not try to make you feel better, just listen.
Don’t feel like you have to be anything, Twist. Please try to take good care of yourself. You’re good people. You really are. You don’t have to only be here for other people. And when your heart needs time for you, that’s perfectly fine.
I’m going on too long. I’m sorry if I’m going on about nonsense. I thought maybe I picked up on something familiar. I know you have a lot going on that I have no concept of. But maybe we are similar in some thoughts that stop us from writing.
Take care Twist. I love you. ❤️
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas You haven't overstepped and you aren't wrong.
@tinywhisper11 How are you dearheart?
What is your favorite part of Christmastime?
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas hi sweetie 💖💖 I'm doing ok 😁💖 favourite part of xmas🤔🤔🤔 allllllll of it😁 I lovvveee xmasss😁💖 hope your enjoying some festivities with your little ones💖💖
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas people here at the care home hate xmas😮 they don't like me wishing them a merry Xmas😥 it doesn't matter if I greet them from over or under the toilet door😥
@Tinywhisper11 Do you knock first? 🤭
@mytwistedsoul nope I try to make it a surprise😁😁
@Tinywhisper11
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas if he can do it why can't I !?!?
@Tinywhisper11
@Tinywhisper11 xD
oh no what is this gif xD wth
@BlueDarkAurora 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
How are we feeling?
@BlueDarkAurora With my hands mostly
@mytwistedsoul 😂 So true
@mytwistedsoul aw ^^ I'm sorry 💙 I meant to say how is everyone doing as the year comes to an end. Sometimes the close of a chapter can bring up a lot of emotions.
@BlueDarkAurora Nothing to be sorry for! I'm the one who should apologize, for being a smart alec. This is a bad time of year and it does bring up a lot of feelings.... and memories.
@mytwistedsoul Absolutely not 💗
@BlueDarkAurora ❤️
@BlueDarkAurora I’m feeling like it would be really nice if, in 2026 and beyond, I could have a thought and it just stay that. It takes me so long to get to that thought to begin with, for goodness sake. I wish my brain wouldn’t feel ok about something one minute, and then 3 minutes later tear it all apart wondering if I said the wrong thing, if I shouldn’t have said anything, if I’m a bad person, if I’m just stupid. etc. I hold off and wait, hoping that when I get to a decision it will feel right. And it does! So how is it that within moments it all goes out the window? I can’t even predict my own mind.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas There's a line in a song I like and it goes "All I did was right by me and I heard that almost k you. Well I knew it, I know you, I called it" (k is a harsh word like death, so it goes just by k)
And I think this captures a lot of what you said (this is just how I'm understanding it 💙). Sometimes what feels right for us breaks apart the moment we start thinking about it from the other person's perspective. And I think that comes from always wanting something that feels right to everyone, because there's a strong sense of responsibility about the effects of our decisions on other people.
The very next lines of the song goes "And I think that you earnestly have waited on apologies But I can't pretend that I'm sorry, when I'm not sorry" To me this shows the growth and stability we find in holding on to our thoughts and decisions without feeling the need to apologise for whatever effect it has on others.
I hope that someday soon you'll be able to unapologetically be you, to express, to implement and to hold on to what feels right for you 💗
@BlueDarkAurora I think that’s probably true. I try to think from various perspectives before I say anything, and I’ll eventually feel good about whatever I’m about to say/do. Maybe I have a moment of panic over the vulnerability of reaching out to anyone. There’s like this decision point where I wonder if it’s all for the best that I just keep to myself. Doesn’t seem to matter if it’s for my own support or theirs, or if it’s even just lighthearted. My interactions with people have been mostly rejection, or if I’m accepted it’s with disclaimers about how I should change. Maybe this is just the nature of human relationships. 😂
How are things going for you friend? Do you have new ideas on the horizon you’re working toward?
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas You're perfect just the way you are 💗 People would always want to change you based on what they like right now and have the audacity to turn back and ask - why did you change? <(0_0 *)>
Don't accept something just cause it seems to be a repeating pattern. Hold on to yourself.
And to answer your question, nope ^^ but it hasn't hit me yet so I'm cool for now.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I can relate to this all too well. ❤️
@mytwistedsoul It’s maddening, isn’t it? I’d like to be done with all the fear. Unfortunately experiences keep showing me my fears coming true, so it’s hard to change my thoughts. I imagine we’re supposed to just not care if we get hurt or rejected? Sometimes I can almost get there, but ultimately deep down I really want to connect genuinely with someone.
Just yesterday, I decided to try to relax and be myself with a few people. (You can tell Ashley where this is going. 😂) They’re always joking around and telling me to not be so sensitive or read too much into their jokes. So I did my little internal debating and eventually put my own joke into the mix. It wasn’t making fun of anyone, and a couple people thought it was funny, but this one person who’s always telling me to lighten up ended up getting offended by it. They just sent me a sad face, and my heart dropped. I don’t fully understand why they got upset, I apologized, they said it was because they’re in a funk about Christmas and it didn’t really have anything to do with me. I understand and it’s ok. Still, it created this whole awkwardness after, which I think wouldn’t have happened if I just stayed quiet. It’s like even the smallest things keep just showing me that I don’t belong. There’s so much effort put in just to end up back at square one over and over. I’m too old for this nonsense.
How are you Twist?
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas I don't think that it's that we're not supposed to care but that we're supposed to cope with it in a healthy way? In all honesty, not all my silence is fear related, it's mostly just a realistic observation that no one actually cares anyway.
@mytwistedsoul I’m sorry you’re feeling like no one actually cares, that it’s not just a feeling but reality. 😞 If it’s ok to ask, do you mean when you express yourself here, or to people in your life, both? You don’t have to answer. I’ve felt that way too.
@mytwistedsoul Oh and also, I reread my reply above to remember context, and I have no idea where Ashley came from. I think the word was supposed to be “actually” or “probably”. 😳😂 Thanks phone.
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas It feels wrong to say both. Although lately it feels that way. I've accidentally reached out to listeners, I say accidentally because sometimes my fingers move faster than the page does and I connected with a few that way. I always apologize and explain what happened. They're good natured about it and say "since we're both here, why don't we talk a bit". As soon as I mention anything, they leave. No words, no explanation. Sometimes it's not that I want anything more than just space to be heard and validated.
@mytwistedsoul I’ve read so many stories here like this about listeners. I feel like it would be a matter of statistics that a few would be like that, but so many? Although I think in the regular world the percentage of poor listeners is higher as well, so maybe it’s just representative of our world. I don’t know how much training would be required to teach a skill that (in my mind) comes naturally. I have had an inappropriate listener experience too, that I think we’ve talked about before, but I haven’t had anyone do what you’re saying. I honestly have been too scared to try after the stories I’ve heard. I’m really sorry that keeps happening to you. It would be hard not to feel down after taking the risk to be vulnerable. I know I’d avoid sharing too. Thank you for sharing it with me, it means a lot! 🥲
Thank you for saying such nice things. I am becoming more aware of my troubles with vulnerability. I get overwhelmed by sharing my own things but also apparently even just trying to support other people now. Somewhere along the line I think I have lost some faith in myself, or my mind, I don’t know. Also I remember too much, I observe and analyze too much, and am not very tolerant of people being people sometimes. Like the petty little bullying type things. Others just let it roll off their backs. It makes me add another brick to the wall. I’d like to work on this in 2026.
That sounds like a really nice things you did with your neighbors for Christmas. You have a good heart. ❤️
@PiecesOfWhoeverIWas There are quite a few posts about the quality. I think it's been getting progressively worse as time goes on. I don't actively look for listeners, it was an accident, it just would have been nice if they would have just said they can't chat about the subject. I remember that conversation. I am sorry that it has made you scared to try another listener, although I do understand.
