TK Reboot
A chat between two platonic friends from across the interwebs.
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I am sooopppo exhausted… (Decided to leave the typo)
Lol relatable. Me too. I had a dream about these super dangerous looking snakes.. and then there were these people that were trying to make everyone in the neighborhood become maids
I had weird dreams too, but I forgot what they were. My dreams have been super random lately
Same, but mine are always random 😅
Throw me a random topic lol
Do you like snakes?
I’ve OWNED snakes. <3
Nice, I think I remember that. I would kinda like to have one... Maybe someday after the guin guin gunners. I think I got bit by a snake once...
You should get a ball python. They’re super relaxed and will fall asleep on your tummy <3
You did??
Aww, I didn't know theyd do that. Yeah, I like big snakes like that.
Yeah, I was swimming out near the falls. I felt teeth in the water and I scrambled away. There were three teeth marks, the top two were even and then one lower, as if it was a snakebite since their jaws open wide. I was told not to worry, that id feel it if it were venomous. The thing is, I really did feel woozy for a short bit...
It might’ve been fear.
Maybe. I'll never know, because I never saw what bit me. Maybe I'm just a little more immune to venom now. 😁
Snakes have been a running theme in my day actually. Maybe I'm like a snake. I feel unattached to my body, and like I've shaken off a multitude of lifetimes where I've suffered. Like shedding skin.
Maybe you’re Cobraman. ;)
You feel unattached to your body?
What caused the BPD?
Maybe again. 😁 This is weird, but every time I see cobras in the zoo, they start to rise and make eye contact with me specifically. I figured they were wanting to attack me, but...
Yeah, why should I feel attached to my body? Living with 5 senses is great and all, but bodies get old, they're a fragile host of illness and psychosis. I feel like the real me doesn't necessarily look like my body.
What caused the BPD? Excellent question. I can draw most of my mental issues back to two people. One was my friend from two houses down who used to lock me in a room and hurt me to make me defend myself. I totally blacked out the part where I snapped and made him have to get stitches. I have no idea what I did at all.
The other was my first girlfriend... It wasn't her fault or anything. But I found out that her neighbor was uh... Forcing her. I was too angry about it to be supportive. Instead of being there for her like I should have been, I studied and practiced. Like, to a scary extent... It's weird to look back on it, I was only 14... But I learned about all kinds of weapons, forms of torture... I'd practice outside at night, especially with a sword. I really, really wanted to destroy that guy with a sword. There's something old school and bada-- about it... Though my thoughts at the time were a lot more serious. I invented and perfected a move... I think "moves" are usually stupid and ineffective, something that you only really see on video games. This one, though... I fight like a trickster as it is, but I can feign what seems like a clumsy attack, and shift it to become an effective deathblow that they literally wouldn't be able to see happen. That's what I wanted to use on him... Though I wanted to drag it out a bit more than that too. Anyway, that encounter never happened... I hesitated, and I felt like every hesitation meant I needed to train more. I think all that anger made me vulnerable to BPD when I became my own opponent through shame.
I heard today that vengeance is a lonely path... That resonates with me. I know what it's like to feel like I have nothing to lose because I've been pushed that far.. that's when I've ended up disassociating. I think a lot of this is why I get far more success in keeping myself together when I'm doing the same things I was doing back then, in a way. Learning and staying productive helps me a lot. I feel like I'm getting more joy out of life, I'm more effective and interesting. And it's why specifically Kendo is necessary for me. An actual martial art to reflect the same drive I had in my weird vengeful 14-year-old days. I'm angrier than ever, but under such better control. It keeps me from getting indulgent... Usually .. I know what I'm capable of. I'm still my own opponent.
I'm rambling I guess, I hope all of that made some sense.
I feel frustrated, relationship wise…
For why?
I feel so close… and yet so far… to being cuddled.
Did you see my post?
That makes sense... Cuddles can be really important. It's almost like needing hugs, and you deserve both.
Which post?..
They’re under recent
Idk. Men are abusive…
I'll look but you got a tag me.
You don't have to stand for abuse... You shouldn't ever have to
@Torean
I didn't want to be annoying by tagging you over and over again...
I'm a target. :(
No worries, you don't annoy me.
Maybe you have been a target, but you don't deserve to be, and being assertive can definitely help some
@Torean
I annoy everyone. I have almost zero friends.
Please. I've been cornered before...
You don't really gotta tag me in this thread, just helps in new ones. It doesn't annoy me either way. I'm more annoying. 😜 That said you deserve friends that stick by you.
I know, it doesn't always work, but I was trying to help the optimistic vibe.
Meh.
I hate being beautiful.
Try being an ugly fat kid like me. 😜 That comes with its own problems.
You’re not an ugly fat kid.
Lol, thanks. 😅 I've identified as that for a while now.
No.
I am SO antsy rn.
For why?
I’m not totally sure. I hadn’t moved much in hours, and I wanted to crawl out of my skin. But I could feel it in my abdomen…
Sometimes not moving for so long can do that. It's good to take time for a little movement. Especially if you have restless leg syndrome
I think I might be starting to get it.
I finally left and drove to 4 LFLs, to give away the books I had <3
Yeah, I struggle with it from time to time too. Especially lately. My coworker doesn't like it when I get up and move around a lot.
Nice, proud of ya! 😁 I've made an aquaintance with someone who has one of those in my neighborhood
Your coworker’s gonna hafta deal. Lol
Thank you! I really wanted them gone lol
Did you adopt it? ;)
Lol, right?
Whatcha mean adopt it?
I mean… Claim it as yours. Fill it, organize it, clean it out <3
Don’t forget to respond to Consider the Following… I think you’ll LOVE that post <3
I'm pretty sure they already do that. 😅 There's a lot of kids in the neighborhood, and most of my stuff to donate is probably questionable for you get ages.
I’m sure you have something. Lol
I’m assuming that was supposed to say younger ages?
Lol, I don't know.... Not my books probably. Maybe some that are on my parent's bookshelf. The only ones that I probably could, I plan to keep. Those are mostly psychology books.
And yeah it was supposed to say that
I hate confrontation… :(
Me neither. What's going on?
Had to confront someone yesterday. It all turned out well… It just made me feel like crying :(
I'm sorry.. I wish I could give you hugs for that. What about?
Can’t give details, but interpersonal conflict. It was misunderstanding in both directions, and we got through it. It was hard tho…
I'm glad you got through it at least. Conflict is hard, it doesn't even feel real sometimes with how rough it gets.
Real?
Yeah. I tend to feel like it's not really happening and that I'm somewhere else. Especially if someone is yelling at me
Ooh I used to do that… My mom said I disappeared when I was being yelled at… and I was sitting in front of the person who was yelling at me.
That makes sense. Same here, I just... I usually use it to brush everything off and come back with something sassy.
I just turn my brain off.
How are things since it got resolved?
Much better <3
I'm super glad to hear it. 😊😊❤️❤️
Wyd
Eating a sandwich. Italian bread with a habanero lentil spread, salami, provolone, thin rotisserie chicken slices, seaweed, cucumber, and some ruffles chips inside for crunch. My invention. 😁 What about you?
*invites myself over for lunch hehe*
That sounds really good and beautifully inventive! Seaweed hmm? <3
Daydreaming about all the books I’m going to finish today <3
Heheh, it was pretty good. I think it could've used some spinach leaves and more of that spread. 😁
Yo, you're going to finish multiple books today?
Sounds spicy hehe
Yeah, I’m one of these people that reads multiple books at once lol
It was maybe a 4/10 on the spicy scale. That's a good level for a sandwich like that I think.
Heh, I envy that a little. I focus on one book at a time. I barely focus on more than one video game at a time. Something usually gets lost on the way if I try to do more at once .
What causes that?
You need to read Paper Things.
What causes what? And what's paper things?
Note: Sugar and coffee and I don’t get along.
For why not? 😁 That sounds like a great combination
Not when it makes my heart race…
Ok, point
@Torean
I finished 3 books today <3
Nicely done! Which ones?
Paper Things, Shakespeare’s Secret, and another one that’s personal <3
Heh, personal huh? 😂 Very nice though!
I don’t tell everyone absolutely everything… <3
Thank you! I just finished a book from the Amish Cooking Class series <3 (Don’t laugh at that lol)
5!!!!!!!! <3
I finished Lauren Ipsum too <3
Very nicely done! How was the cooking one?
And then I ate food that made me feel yucky, digestive issues…. I worry. :(
Oh no, what caused the stummy badness? I hope you'll be ok soon.
Bad chicken. I feel a lot better now! God healed me <3
I'm glad you're doing better! I think I gave myself tummy blahs from drinking too much water at once yesterday
I just read Ephesians 5 <3 I haven’t read the Bible in ages…
Hm, what do you think of that chapter?
