TK Reboot
A chat between two platonic friends from across the interwebs.
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I’m so depressed rn… So lonely.
What's going on? I'm here when I can
I’m just… tired of existing. But not like… in a crisis way. I’m just tired of there being constant crises, constantly being on and alert, constantly being alone and turned down by men, and just… existing. I just want a break for a day or two. Does this make any sense? I’m not in crisis, I’m safe, I’m just… tired.
This makes a lot of sense. I feel very much the same... I keep getting ambushed with things. Like a surprise bill, my cousin wanting to spend an indefinite amount of time in my home again... I don't have my usual drive, I just want to be in bed or something
I’ve been having this longing lately… To crawl into a guy’s arms, exhausted, and just… Rest there. Loved. Safe. Able to relax and let my guard down…
I just wish I could.
I wish you didn't have to feel alone on that aspect... I hope you are able to do that sometime
I keep trying. It’s not working. My heart is essentially shattered.
Maybe you need to focus elsewhere for now. Something might come to you
Like what
Kinda like I said on the other post. Loneliness and trauma are persistent. Adding people into the mix could go either way... But maybe focusing on something that helps empower you or makes you feel like you're getting more confident. Maybe a bunch of little things, it doesn't matter. Like, what if you could feel confident that you're in power of your own relationships and conversations with people?
Idk, how?
Well, I dunno if this works for you like it did for me, but... For a month or so, I was focusing on everything around me as being a chance to improve my confidence. Like, a funny example maybe, but I purposely went into Subway (even though they're not as good as they used to be) with the intention of going through all the sandwich questions without saying "um" or "uh" a single time. I was keeping a decent level of eye contact, walking without looking down. I still do some of those less confident appearing habits, but it did make a very noticeable change in me. What do you think?
Check my newest post under general. Beware the TW…
Thanks <3
Sorry I’m such a mess lately.
No worries, we all go through something... You've been exhausted by dealing with issues that won't leave you alone. I know what that's like. I'm glad that I'm able to be here with you for it.
I’m supposed to be the perfect little church girl. The perfect friend. A yes girl.
I'd far rather you be real. Anyone real would agree. Maybe church is fine, but it sounds like yours isn't. Maybe you could find a group outside of a church for fellowship... You're not the only one who seeks that and failed to find it in a church like that.
As for the rest, the more you feel comfortable in your own skin, the less people expect that sort of thing out of you. I say reject their expectations, and be yourself in ways that they don't have to agree with. As for a yes girl... Just remember, people only deserve that side if they like you for you and aren't just fairweather toxic noise.
You can’t share emotions in this society.
People do it all the time. It's not always well-received, but you can remedy that a little by remembering that any toxic reactions aren't meant for you, it's their own insecurity. On the other hand, if they can handle it, it speaks well of them. That said, some people really just aren't worth trying to share with.... It sounds like you unfortunately know a lot of those.
Perfection is required.
For exactly no one, and you know it. 😜 Perfection is a place where learning doesn't exist. Perhaps that makes learning greater than perfection, at least for any mortal being. You have to walk your own road and find your own answers. It's less lonely when you like the parts of the noise in your head that come directly from you.
I can’t imagine a guy wanting to be with a mess like me.
Hmm, sounds like you've been around guys that are no fun. 😜 I wouldn't want to be with anyone who didn't have a very strong knowledge of what being a mess is like.
You got a good point. I need someone who gets it. And also isn’t afraid of my fluctuating mental health… I don’t think I could relate to someone who’s got it going on. Does that make sense?
Absolutely. People react differently when they haven't been through a lot themselves, and it hard to be deep with them too. They usually can't reach the same levels.
But again… none of it matters. Nothing exists.
Don't accept that! Be so willful that you exist! That's what I do. I'm nothing if not willful. 😅
We know. ;)
I wish I didn’t tho. (I’m safe don’t worry)
I often wish I didn't either (also safe...)
I just wish life were different.
Strongly agreed. I wish the world was a place where everyone could actually thrive
I’m cold. And tired.
I wish I could give you a super warm sleeping bag and hug
Aww :)
I want to be loved…
I also wish you didn't have to be so lonely. It gets rough needing love
Yep
I had a weird dream where I ran into a swamp creature, and I got away, and then I got Superman and came back, asking him to use his x-ray vision and see if it was still there. He said that there were 16, and I was like "what!?" But it turns out, they had this building they lived in under the swamp and they were super nice.
Just saying that as a distraction, I hope it brings your mood up a little. 😁
Lol, your dreams are always so… unique hehe
Lol I love that I just went and grabbed Superman
You’re EPIC-Superman. Stronger than he is lol
Lol aww 😁
Kinda feel like crying
Oh no, for why?
Just life. It’s a little better now
Glad it's a little better. Yeah, mine is rough too. I've been under the weather all week due to drastic weather changes...
Like how?
Massive temp and humidity changes, rain on and off. I feel tired, throat is scratchy, eyes hurt, keep getting a little headache.
REST SIR
Also hydrate.
Yo, I can't even keep track of how much I've been hydrating. As for rest? I'm doing a little better now. I did at least sleep decently last night.
Take water with you EVERYWHERE
Yay!
I drink so much water that it annoys people. 😂
You oughta see me. I’m prediabetic and drink water like a camel lol
I hope I'm not prediabetic too. 😅 I might be
So when are you going to the doctor, Tor? ;)
My next visit isn't until late this year. I've actually been dieting better on the whole though
Ok so. You’re going to make an appointment this month, right? ;) (Don’t be one of those men that barely, if ever, sees a doctor. Lol! Ask them to do blood work and check your A1c :)
They're gonna do that in a few months. I don't need to make another appointment, I'm doing ok. 😅 Honestly my body started wanting water more when I started eating a lot more fruit and less junk
Mhmmmmmm i seeeeeeee ;)
This thread SCARED me for a minute… it said it was gone! And then it said your profile wasn’t available :’(
Just mine in particular?
Yeah, but it had just told me it was having technical issues, so I shoulda known lol
... I gotcha... Maybe it was when it had the second update for the week...
Huh?
Yeah, the app prompted me to update it on two separate occasions this week
Ohhhh yeah me too, i just haven’t yet. Maybe I need to later lol
Lol, who knows what happened? I don't even see any changes...
I’m a little hungry… But I ate recently. Lol
I know the feeling
I just ate leftover toast and Mac and cheese <3
I just had some spicy chicken from Popeyes 😁 really tasty.
Popeyes is too spicy for me lol
Bwahaha, they hold back on the spice for you. XD they have non-spicy, but I have to admit that their non-spicy stuff isn't that good
It’s kinda eh. Lol
You know what I hate? (Only right now lol)
Book spoilers. Lol
Lol, what's that?
When you read about a book and figure out the pertinent information… before you finish reading the book. Lol
Oh, I thought you meant a specific spoiler. Yeah, spoilers are no bueno
Well, a spoiler I read for Gathering Blue lol