TK Reboot
A chat between two platonic friends from across the interwebs.
If you're not us and want to chat, please make a new chat and tag us. This one is public, but others commenting or liking comments in this particular thread will likely make us uncomfy.
To anyone with concerns, mods or otherwise: If you have concerns, please bring them up to us so that we can address them appropriately. We, too, want to help keep 7Cups a safe and positive place.
Tor…
What's going on?...
Hard day. And no real friends.
What was hard about it? I'm about to go to bed... But I'm here, and I'm thinking of you. ❤️
Stuff I can’t share here because, identifying details… But things that activated fear and loneliness.
I’m just glad you came back. I needed you around tonight…
I'm sorry I wasn't around longer. I'm really trying to get over this cold thing. I'm glad I got to come back to make some difference. I dunno what's going on, but I definitely don't want you to have to feel fearful. The loneliness isn't good either, but the other part... No one's trying to do anything are they?
****TW****
Do I really? When I’m not with you, do I still exist? Do you even think of me? Am I only good for laughs and giggles and snarky banter? Only good enough to be there for you when you need something?
Because when I’m gone, you don’t remember me. You don’t contact me. I fade into nothingness when it doesn’t suit you anymore. Do I cease to exist when I’m not useful anymore?
I am NOTHING in your eyes.
Am I Pinocchio? A puppet on a string? An actor wearing a mask. That’s what you want, isn’t it? A pasted-on smile. Disposable after use. Make sure to recycle!
Do you realize how much you affect me? Do any of you care?
When I hurt, do you hurt too?
When I’m cut, do you bleed too?
Do you even see me????
Or do I scream in silence? Surrounded in fog. The brutality of my past clawing at my skin, at my mind, the bats of my thoughts beating their wings against my brain so hard and fast that I can’t even think straight.
Do you see them? The bats?
Not physically, of course.
But do you see my pain?
My loss?
My hurt?
My anger?
My razor-sharp memories that tear me apart?
I force myself not to feel.
That’s the only way I survive.
Blankness.
Nothingness.
Just one step forward.
One bleeding, broken, cracked, beaten foot at a time.
That’s the only way I keep going.
I need to eat better, sleep better, whatever.
But I don’t stinkin CARE.
Apathy. Anger. Numbness. Sharp, agonizing pains in my soul.
God won’t let me d*e. He’s not done with me yet.
I don’t want to, really. And yet… I can’t bring myself to take care of myself so I heal. I don’t have it in me. I just… I can’t.
No one cares that I exist anyway. If I disappeared, who would notice? 3 people? Maybe?
My sole purpose in life seems to be to do things for other people. To be a tool and a toy and a slave and an outlet for anger. I emotionally keep people at a distance now. They’ll just leave anyway. Why care?
Men are disgusting. They either use me or unleash their anger at me. I cower mentally when people don’t see. I remember when that so-called “friend” hurt me, tried to break my finger. When my almost-fiance left me in front of a bunch of people. I wait to be beaten sometimes. I wonder when it will happen. Every man is the same. A user or an abuser.
But who cares? I’m just a puppet.
Tie some strings on my arms and charge a fee. See this puppet dance. No heart. No feelings. Just a plaything. Throw it away when you’re bored.
And people who see me…
Think I’m fine.
Am I real?
Do you see me?
I figured I’d repost here… Have more than a sound bite conversation, yk?
Yo... Is that how people are making you feel? I hope I don't make you feel that way. I really care about you.
No… it’s how my brain is making me feel.
You don’t… Is it weird that my best friend is a man I’ve never met?
It's not weird at all. 😊 In fact, having deeper connections with online friends is normal to me at this point. It's getting more normal to more people as time goes on. I'm just glad that I can be that good of a friend to you. ❤️
IRL friends just don’t… stick around yk?
They should. They're missing out. Too many don't though, you're right
I just ate a ton of tortilla chips and realized why I overeat. It regulates me. I don’t feel those emotions anymore, or at least like I did…
Maybe there's something to that. I tend to stress eat sometimes... And the time of eating definitely feels better, regardless. It just feels gross after
Yeah. It stabilized me. Now I just need to find something else that has the same effect…
Usually it's vices or hobbies. Maybe you haven't found your true passion hobby yet
What would that be?
I dunno, maybe it's something you barely think about, because it's too comeplling
I’m disgusted by my fat stomach.
You say this, but I bet it's not so fat. I know how that feels too much though... Mine is kinda fat. I'm not fat in general, just my stomach really...
I think I’m more… overloaded in there lol.
How do I have all of the feels and none of the feels at the same time…? Maybe I’m just exhausted.
That definitely sounds like exhaustion because I'm there too. 😅
Struggling to keep my eyes open lol
Me too. I am soooo tired of 6 day work weeks....
Why are you doing this???
Doing what?
Working 6 days a week lol
Lol, I don't have a choice. I work 6 days every other week
I’ll respond to your deeper stuff later, busy atm. Just send me a notification so I see it later lol
I want to write.
I hear you. This is my reminder to respond to the deeper stuff. It'll just take a few minutes. 😜
That sounds cool. Whatcha wanna write?
Journaling. Idk how tho… Carpal tunnel. Brain doesn’t work with talk to text.
Maybe just take a little break between sentences and make them precise? Also, hand exercises, physical therapy style. Have you been doing those at all?
Is my life ever going to change?
It will change, more and more. You've already made a lot of good changes. I'm proud of you for it.
I feel like a fat hippo who’s going nowhere in life.
That's the opposite of you. 😜
Wym
You're making a lot of difference in small ways and you're not fat. Also, you have some momentum if you can only find direction. Also also, hippos are mean!
How come no guy will ever just… hold me? With no expectations and no anger issues and no abuse? Just… comfort? Love? Am I really incapable of being loved anymore?
You are so loveable. You deserve love, and I really hope that you can feel that before long... You deserve way better than what you've gotten
Hasn’t happened in YEARS. Maybe the guys are right. Maybe I’m only good for romance and not love.
Only romance and not love? Who said that, and what exactly is that supposed to mean? You actually have such a capacity for love
Relationships tend to be transactional. I know nothing else anymore.
I really don’t.
You're an example of something better than that. You deserve way better, and you're more capable of recognizing it and keeping it up than you think
Are you a fan of Oklahoma?
Hahaha....
Not really. 😅 My city is pretty cool... It's slowly getting more to do, and it's not too backwards... Same with OKC. Can't say the same for the whole state for sure. That and we had Ryan Walters trying to ruin the schools. It's an embarrassment. So much extremism and willful ignorance.
Oh good, you figured out what I meant ;)
What’s it like there?
Ryan Walters? I know nothing about the news lol
Lol, yep. 😁 Uhh... The food is pretty good here overall. Not the best. For the past 5 years or so, we get about 8 months of summer, 2-3 of winter, and very little in between. Insane amounts of allergens. Lots of countryside and forested area. Some of the worst drivers. More baptist churches than you can keep track of. Way too many tornadoes. Like, it's insane, and people don't even bat an eye. They honestly look forward to the drama of it. I don't like tornadoes, they scare me. I saw one come down and form across the street before. They really don't ever hit my city though. You can't go anywhere in my city without seeing OU clothes or car decoration.
So, complaints aside... At least the cities aren't so bad. Mine has a mix of everything. It at least feels like home, and it used to be a lot more boring than it is now. People tend to be laid back and friendly. We actually have a diverse set of radio stations (not that I listen to it anymore). That's all I can really think of right now.
As for Ryan Walters? He was leading the education board, and it was disgusting. Basically trying to force all teachers to talk about Christianity, and for all of them to have Trump bibles. It just got more and more extreme. He was trying to force all classes to watch a video of him praying for Trump's success and whatever. We have an extremely religious state, and he was down to a 3% approval, I'll put it that way. A lot of teachers and districts just refused. Some got their teaching licenses taken away for having made social media posts making fun of Trump. Fortunately he resigned, and things are getting corrected... Fascism and religious fantatacism do not belong in the classroom. Now he's literally created a teacher's union to try to take away the rights of teacher's unions...
Out of all the states you coulda lived in, I never imagined Oklahoma. Lol
How does one survive tornadoes?? Multiple of them???
Why is it less boring now?
What’s a Trump Bible?
Lol, right? I was born here... I inherited a house here... So many of my friends and family are here... Those are the only reasons. I almost would have stayed in NYC... I probably would have if my friend actually had a better living situation planned for me.
Tornadoes... Well, you could either be in a shelter, get low in a room central to the house... Stuff like that. Or you could just live in my city. They don't really touch down here. Apparently bison used to migrate to this area when they could sense tornadoes coming because it was safe.
It's less boring because times are moving on, and this is a college town. People aren't satisfied with a boring place, so there's always new stuff coming in and events going on.
As for a Trump Bible... It's his own version, that apparently omits things, and buying them supports him. The one thing I know for sure it omits is... Like, it includes an American Constitution in there, but doesn't include most of the amendments after the bill of rights. Like, it doesn't include abolishing slavery, women's rights, etc. Also, I forgot, with Walters, he was trying to force teachers to teach that the 2020 election was stolen by Democrats.
