TK Reboot
A chat between two platonic friends from across the interwebs.
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I'm in "get rid of everything" mode hehe. Decluttering is so freeing <3
It really can be. Ive done a little bit lately myself 😁
What did you get rid of?
Im getting rid of books, plus moving some other things elsewhere because I dont need them right now <3
I got rid of some general stuff. Not a specific type of thing. Just stuff cluttered around
Do more. Hehe
Eh, maybe. I'm in a pretty balanced mood lately, so I probably will. 😁
Sleeping better?
I did for a few nights of the past week. Not last night though
How come?
I dunno? Sometimes my body just won't sleep... I've always had that problem on and off... It was really bad when I was a kid. I'd always hear my dad getting ready for his paper route at 2am. I'd still be awake most nights
Wow
I just wake up a zillion times in the middle of the night. Annoying. Lol
Ugh, that happens to me too sometimes. Usually when I finally get to sleep easily after nights of insomnia.
I very very rarely sleep the whole night through. Maybe I drink too much water before bed. But I'm prediabetic and I cant go without, either...
I drink too much water before bed too. I drink a lot of water all day too though
Are you prediabetic?
I was bordering it a year and a half ago, and was doing way better since then, half a year ago. I dunno.
I got my A1C tested recently, and it's stable and low. <3
Very nice, I'm glad to hear that! ❤️
Thank you!
Apparently an exertion of emotion leaves me feeling exhausted and sad for a long time afterward.
Oof, that's understandable... What happened?
Am I the only one seeing notifications for new posts on threads... But when you click the threads, there are no new posts? Is this a glitch?
Same thing happened to me a few times. Or I'll get notifications that posts that don't exist at all. It's confusing.
I am SO overstimulated and overwhelmed rn. Too many people...
You've gotta be able to get away when you feel like that :/
Im trying lol
I'm actually reallyvproud of you for trying. 😊
Awww thanks!
Idk. Too many feels. Also not enough feels.
I feel like that too. To the point that I probably need to write it out, but writing isn't working for me
I feel it. I was trying to convey my emotions to you, but kept deleting it. Nothing I could think of felt right. Idk how to explain my emotions and thoughts even to myself...
That happens. I'm here for it if the next attempt works better.
I'm also frustrated with my writing... Despite being a way more interesting person and better writer than the past... I feel like my older poetry has more of a bite and atmosphere to it.
Idk what to say. Everything in me is exhausted.
Maybe more trauma?
I feel that way too today already.
Yeah, I definitely had my back up against the wall with trauma and emotions back then.
Why?
Do you feel like you've healed any?
I mean, yeah, I've healed... I'm made of scars at this point. They open sometimes. That can be fun or not.
The "why" is way harder to answer. I don't know where to start, because there's so many sources of it.
I like that. Not that you feel that, but its me. Im made of scars.
Yeah... PTSD comes on at random unexpected times. For me too.
Like what?
I wonder what its like to live a life without trauma??
I didnt mean to add that extra question mark. Lol
I think you totally get what I mean in your own way.
Life without trauma seems so easy... I know it's not necessarily ever easy for anyone, but it's gotta be a perk to not have attacks that come with turbulent emotions.
Like what? Well... I mean, the days when my neighbor would lock me in a room and hit me, trying to make me fight back... My dad's neglect and messed up punishments, like the time he convinced me that my mom was never coming home or the other time when he started a garage sale for my stuff and acted like I had passed away to the point that I wondered if I did... A couple of sexual things girls have put me through... Guns that have been held on me... People betraying me, including a whole group of friends... Not having been able to save someone from something... A profoundly messed-up break-up... And then the worst trauma of all is the trauma that I caused myself... There's a lot to pick from. 😅 I'm just scratching the surface.
I do. I dont know what BPD is like, but I know how wounds, scars, and PTSD feel...
Yeah. Life without PTSD attacks... Flashbacks... Must be nice.
Why would the neighbor do that???
And your dad?? Did he have schizophrenia maybe? Someone telling him you were d**d?
Have you been to therapy?
I saw a book about BPD yesterday... Thought of you <3 Didn't get it because it was written in a very boring way lol. I would love to read about it if I could find a more engaging writing style <3
Yeah... I seem to have an almost textbook case of BPD, but I havent been diagnosed. Heh, yeah, it definitely has to be presented without being boring.
Why did my neighbor do that? I have no clue. He was my age, but he acted kinda crazy. I've probably told you about him. His family was from Iran. I don't know where he got all his issues, but he had the nicest mom, and his dad was probably more of a father figure to me than my own sometimes. But I mean... That's just one thing he did. He got me lost in a big neighborhood, locked in a dark bathroom, he made me fake wrong geography answers, and then there was the cap gun incident... I thought it was real. He started shooting it at me on the sidewalk, and I was begging him to stop, crying, telling him I thought that we were friends. He was telling me that I thought wrong, and he held it to my head, saying "You breathe, you d * e.". We were 5 or 6 at the time, and then he thought it was so funny afterwards. Also, when he was beating me up in the room, one time I snapped. I don't know what I did, but his head was bleeding badly. I remember riding in the car with him to the ER to get stitches. I was bawling and apologizing, his dad was telling me that it wasn't my fault and that his son was in trouble .. then there was him, on the seat next to me, not mad at all, telling me how proud he was of me.
No, my dad didn't have schizophrenia. No one told him anything happened to me. He was just really like that.
I've been to lots and lots of therapists, been on lots and lots of meds, been in a couple of mental institution stays... None of it ever scratched the surface honestly. A couple of them were really helpful in small ways that stuck with me though.
Remind me to respond to this when I have more time <3
Il remindo
Also I hate the song Wonderwall. Lol
Aww, I like it. That song is dedicated to one of my comic characters, because it somehow fits him. He's a humanoid squid bartender and crime boss. 😂
You can have it then XD I prefer harder rock <3
I usually do too. That song gets a pass, mostly because I kinda like the lyrics
Bleh. Lol
Im so exhausted and overwhelmed, T... :'(
Me too actually .. I'm sorry to hear it, what's going on?
Why?
Idk. I just keep hitting walls emotionally and meltdowns ensue lol
Too many people needing too much from me usually. I work 6 days a week and it's draining.
Meltdowns?
Same.
Why 6??
Welcome to autism. And mental issues.
Because I'm really needed that much.
How are you doing now? The weekend is definitely helping me so far
How hard is your job????
Im a bit better. Its been rough. But getting better <3
Totally depends on the day. Right now the hard part is that I hardly have time away from it, it seems.
I'm glad it's getting a little better for you. It might for me again... On the weekend. 😅
Same. I might as well have an apartment attached to my work, with how much time I spend there XD
To quote the Dowager Countess... "What is a week-end?" :P
I'm sayin'. I feel like I'm barely able to acknowledge the world outside work lately
Idk how to rest anymore. You too?
Sometimes I really can't rest. It's irritating. The moment I start to rest is when everyone wants to be in my bubble
How so?
Like, someone always needs to need something from me. I don't ask things of others very often though...
Why not?
Because I feel like others sometimes feel totally free to refuse me. I don't rely on others more than I have to. It makes me uncomfy to have to ask too. Doubly grateful if someone comes through though
So its only your feelings stopping you? Nothing grounded in reality?
(Not trying to be harsh lol, trying to play devil's advocate)
I mean, it is grounded in reality if I already kinda know what to expect and just don't wanna deal with it
Explain... I'm lost lol
Like, if I feel like no one's going to answer the phone, id rather not call at all. That sort of thing. I go the extra mile for people, and if I ask for anything, I get some kind of attitude or something
Call? Why am I so confused rn? My brain is fried... Sorry :(
Lol, don't worry about it. 😅 I barely remember now either
I had a date today :)
Oh nice! How did that go?
It was sweet :)
Aww, gimme deets!
Reread the wording. ;)
?
I had a date. I did not go on a date. ;)
Lol, you're something else. 😂
Do you get it now?? Hehe
What else am I hehe
A lot of other stuff 😜
Like what lol
You're asking when you're liable to get a sassy answer. 😜 I was gonna be all happy for you and everything about your date.
And would you really describe them as sweet? They taste weird to me. I'm glad you didn't describe it that way though. 😂 Then I just would've been worried.
I WANT the sassy answer XD
You think they taste weird? I mean i can see it if you said they have a weird texture lol
Whats sad is, if you asked me when was the last time I was loved, I could give you a year... It was pre-COVID. :(
Heh, maybe I shouldn't give you the sassy answer. XD
I dunno, maybe I need to keep trying them, they're just not something I'm used to.
Well, maybe it's high time for your post COVID love?
Whyyyyy hehe
Try one again. Theyre actually kinda like candy, but less in-your-face flavor wise lol
No way... Not when I'm deeply entrenched in abuse PTSD. Never again... Im not letting them hurt me again.
Still want to know the sassy answer XD
Oh Tor... I got SO PTSD triggered today :'(
What happened? Are you ok??
I'm ok. Kinda...
Just someone treating me in a way I don't want to be treated...
I hope that's not too serious... Do you wanna talk about it? ❤️
I'll happily go beat them up. 💪
Its not too serious, but boundaries have been crossed.
Can't share details, but... its a guy. As usual. Different situation tho, cant explain how, but its been getting uncomfortable.
I hate men. Theyre scary and abusive...
Hehe you totally would lol
Im angry. And you'd be angry too, if you knew what I'm dealing with...
I'm already angry. I have no idea what happened but... I hope you're getting this guy to leave you alone?
I hope so. Im too nice for my own good.
Why do you say that?
I endure a lot more than I should allow.
I hate telling people my experiences and feelings, and having them shut me down... :(
Maybe you really should shut them down back. Then again, they're the ones with the true character flaws.
I drop toxic people much more easily now. Im at the age where I dont let people give me junk anymore...
That's a good survival quality. I do the same if I have to.
Im too old, and jaded, to deal with people's nonsense lol
Same. It's often for everyone's sake too. Someone has to call certain people out for them to learn.
Oh there are definitely several people that could use that XD
Much agreed. 😁 Who do you have in mind?
Have you ever tried lengua?
Yes 😁 lengua street tacos are amazing
Its kinda eh to me lol
I still tend to like chicken or chorizo better. But only by a little
I'm mostly unfamiliar with Mexican food. I dont eat the legit stuff often.
What's your favorite Mexican food, that isn't one of the stereotypical ones?
I pretty much only eat the legit stuff. I almost never get the urge to go to places like Taco Bell, and I prefer the authentic taste.
Favorite Mexican food could go in a few directions. I really love chile verde guiso, I really love molcajete (google it if you don't know what it is - I rarely get it because it's always expensive), and there's a place in Dallas that I really love called Gloria's - there, you can get a mix of pork pupusas, fried plantains, and something else, I forget. It's super good. What about you?
I semi recently tried mole, and it was SO good <3 Horchata is eh. Lol!
Isn't it!? 😁
Heh, I like horchata, but it's never really my first pick. Jamaica tea is better (pronounced huh-mike-uh). It's a hibiscus flower tea. Sweet and tasty.
Made TV dinner. Licked the lid without thinking. Seared half my taste buds off because it was so hot XD
Oh lawd. 😂 Yeah, I tried a new Indian restaurant last night. My curry wouldn't stop being hot. I still have my back taste buds at least.
Food is too good to have to WAIT for it!!!! Hehe
Lol, right? Ugh, it makes me want to go get Indian food more often. I miss sushi too