TK Reboot
A chat between two platonic friends from across the interwebs.
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***TW***
Stomach isn't happy with me today... I thought for awhile I was going to throw up. :(
Oof, sorry to hear that. Something you ate?
Thats what I thought. But I ate nothing unusual today, except the tiniest bite of a donut, which couldnt have triggered it that I'm aware of. Who knows?
I hate it when that happens. My stomach has been known to be like that outta nowhere occasionally. I hope you don't have to deal with that again anytime soon
Me too. It wasn't fun...
Doing better now I hope?
Are we still close friends?
Of course! Why wouldn't we be? I know we may have had less words here lately, but thats probably partly due to my exhaustion. 😅
Yeah... Less words.
I wish more people SAW me.
I wish they did too. I dunno why it has to be so hard. Maybe I feel the same way sometimes...
I'm invisible.
Why?
In what ways do you feel invisible?
I dunno... I guess it catches up with me after a while that I have a mask to wear with pretty much everyone. Not so much online because online is different. My close friends often end up getting surprised by me too.
Every?
Mask why?
Why surprised?
What's the main way you'd want to be seen?
Mask because... I don't even know anymore. I'm really down on myself today. I'm a messed up individual, and pretty much everything I put out there irl feels artificial. If I were to define myself by past experiences, I deserve to be set on fire. Other people live normal lives, and I feel like it's all absurd. All I really know is how to deal with feeling haunted and disturbed by things, and how to pretend.
Idk anything anymore. I can't even think straight...
Jesus forgives.
Me too. Pretending is all I ever do anymore...
We shouldn't have to pretend anything... Maybe we should do less of it.
I have to pretend with my Tourette's...
How so?
Please do something with me... I want to spend all of September free from social media. I spend so many hours on my favorite one... I just deleted it again. Do it with me, please? I need accountability <3
Err, ok. I'll drop one for now. I don't really need it 😊
Why the hesitation
I don't spend much time on social media is the thing. I have occasional inclinations towards some threads, but that's more like a once a week thing for me. I used to be really addicted to it though.
Do you know how awful it feels to want to be seen, and want to be invisible, at the same time? :(
Yeah, all the time actually. I was just thinking about that today... It's hard to explain
Try?
It's like when you just want to walk around and look at stuff in a store at the mall, and a ton of employees come to ask if you if you need anything, and the conversation feels jarring and forced, but it's good that you aren't alone, or something... Ahhh, I don't know where I'm going with this .. help? 😅
Lol XD
Its like when you just want everyone to leave you alone, and you also want someone to know and feel and fully understand your pain and trauma.
Lol, pretty much. you said it much better
I liked where you were going with it XD
I picked a desk drawer lock. I am so proud of myself. 😁 My first lockpicking.
Uh. I hope it belonged to you. Lol
Actually I've been wanting to learn how to do that myself. In case a door in my house accidentally gets locked and I dont have a key for it yk
Lol, it's good to know how to do... It felt really good when it worked. It was my coworkers desk. She found a key and tested it, and it locked the desk, but it wouldn't unlock. I tried a lot of things, but the paperclip along with the key worked. I know how to jimmy desk drawers open without breaking anything now too.
Hmm good to know, in case I ever get locked out of one of the rooms in my house somehow lol
It's good to know in general. 😁 You never know when it could come in handy.
Sometimes I wish I could forget the reasons. That's a really nice and helpful thought though
The reasons are always the worst part... Plus the after effects.
It's hard to tell what's the worst part because of that.
I wanna be loved again... Im reading a book with the sweetest, most innocent, slow burn love story. I forgot what love is...
You deserve to be loved. You have so much love to give, and don't forget those things.
Idk about that.
Well I do. I want you to acknowledge that one. You're holding yourself back if you don't, right?
You know I remember the last time I was loved?
It was pre-COVID.
You'd mentioned that... Do you think it's worth pursuing again right now?
Why?
Because, unlike during COVID, you have the freedom to do so... And it might be worth it if it could make you happy?
So I've found a really great trick for helping with overeating. I want you to do it. Not just think about it, do it. It'll cost you like $5. Lol
What is it?
I bought a bag of lollipops. And eat one when the urge hits. It actually works!
I gotta find a variation. I'll seriously just chew them. I know me.
Jawbreakers?
Again, I won't stop biting them. 😂 There's always frozen fruit, but it's cold.
Frozen veggies?
Same thing sadly. Even same thing with toothpicks, which I at least tried. 😅
Ice????
Nope 😅
Why lol
I dunno. 😅 I always bite down...
Well don't. Lol
Lol, I can't even avoid that with ice cream. 😅
Brain freeze???
I've gotten brain freeze down to my bum before. It went all the way down my back. I was walking, and my hand went up to clutch my head from the brain freeze, but then it went all the way down to my bum, and my hand was just up near my head. I was frozen in place, suffering it, in this awkward bigfoot pose. 😂
Hold me to something... No binging after dinner. Lollipops instead.
Its so weird how I have to promise to eat candy to fight my ED lol
I hear you. It actually makes a lot of sense. 😅 Binging as the final snack gets me sometimes too
Always the hard part of the day
It's like... I don't even have the capacity to do anything or relax from being hungry around the