How was your day yáll
@cozyshadow14 it was um terrible had a headache most of the day and in the afternoon the temp swings started so yeah js tryna survive rn
@valentinorossi46 tht sounds tuff man, proud of u for holding on fr it aint easy but u giving your best n honestly that's fire fr bro. we gonna be here to listen to u altho it may take some hrs to get back to u js k we here for u man gl bro
@cozyshadow14 ty fr man we trying n ty for the offer to listen nice to have ppl care lol
wbu how u doin u alr?
@valentinorossi46 i'm good just like u thinking bout life n stuff but i'm good dw.
@cozyshadow14 its good that ur good fr but if ya need to talk im right here
@valentinorossi46 thanx Tino u too if u need to talk I'm right here.
yooo @cozyshadow14 im so so so so sorry i js dissapeared like that yesterday man. im like acc so sorry man that i couldnt finish talking to u mb 😭
@valentinorossi46 aye yo no prob Tino. u had talked to me for a while before u went, no stress fam life happens.
✌🏾😔 this place is so lonely n depressing gents
🧍🏾♀️hello , I guess sigh idk were to write this fr sr is so useless here atp , what am I feeling idk , am I ever gonna know though idk , have massive headache I didn't even hit my head man eish tired as ***, might as well say um starting to feel what loneliness is i dont like it, these whole emotion things ain't for me , thought I closed them but since I broke down they have bee everywhere ,thought alot n talked with peeps here , n guess what im the only one is this house that was physically hit by this so called parents of mine so my head today revisited all the momeries of me being hit the places , I walked through them through the house thinking about it , just made jokes about them but eish might be deeper than it actually is man tiff times ,✌🏾oh n im alive weird how my moods change alot but I dont know what im feeling lots of time when my moods off sad , happy angry idk ,all I know im feeling something oh my headache hurts so bad rn , n my whole body hurts , haven't eaten I. 2 days feel dizzy tuff times 12 am rn why am I not sleeping idk why am I writing i also dont know probs dont even know dont even makes sense n this *** actually stating to get long nah lemme end it 🤸🏾♀️
🤸🏾♀️ oh yeah im still thirsty water , cold drink thats not what im craving fr body doing tricks I aint falling for it though maybe ,maybe I will who knows yeah i dont care atp a sip maybe that wat is wants 😔im cooked
In a mood to write i guess🥲 i dont why my engkish teacher liked my essays practically write nonsense in those n I always exceeded the word amount tiff times okay what did I want to say oh yeah I dont know what I did wrong pronouns maybe I do know just dont care one thing I dont care something I caught that makes people thing im cold now , empathy ✌🏾said bye bye sometimes its there sometimes its not weird 💀gng forgot what I wanted to say shiiii. Damn my memory is whack
Will this ever get better , do I even want to get better , but what do I ant to get better from , what pain am I suffering from , what if all this is just in my head im faking all this for what attention 🥲✌🏾 eish tiff times bruu honestly find comfort in whatever this is idk why , man i want answers to all this cabt be saying idk all the times but I genuinely dont know though I dont whats wrong that the problem what went wrong sigh yall probs thing im crazy atp
@hardtobeRia man ur not faking this for attention, trust me. this goes deeper then what some pick me would do ong. its hard to deal with thoughts like that man, i feel you, but ur strong af man u can do it, i believe in u and im cheering for you from right here
👀 school time gng why we here , and thanksies you too *huggies*🫂
@hardtobeRia man that sound acc rly hard. headaches are absolute bs i feel you here n so is body pain so i hope it acc stops soon bc this is honestly getting out of hand. yk you dont rly realise how bad *** messes you up until a while after n maybe thats whats going on? its tough not to know what ur feeling fr and please please please try to eat man ik its hard n stuff but u need it fr. i rly hope u can figure shi out soon man cus u need it fr 🫂
The pain come n goes I'll be fine 🫠 I hope , u still having the headaches man those such hope thy go away soon, yeah eish trauma maybe but nah maybe I've been taught not to think about it to much african mindset is messed up man 🚶🏾♀️but the 3am beatings really hit those days n I still went to school nah I was a soldier 😭✌🏾 , im eating dw 😀 , hope u are atleast eating more now
Oh and sorry for these long stiffstuff e them fr , must've been the wind 🚶🏾♀️thats enough for a year shikdve not broken down *** forgot how sensitive I am i unlocked all that with those stupid tears now here I am how pathetic sigh
@hardtobeRia ummm i dont think that was the wind man. dw we dont judge ong n sometimes you need to js get ur struggles out ykwim. and ur not pathetic ur js human man ppl feel *** bc that shows u care. ong stay awesome gng
How u good with words damn
@hardtobeRia idk man how im doing this i js reach flow state when i write sometimes
Give me ur talent sirr I need it i suck at words
@hardtobeRia ummm sure ima transfer it to u rn trust gng
🚮im back when last did I talk about my songs to someone sigh 🚶🏾♀️anyways song on repeat whole day M.a.a.d city Kendrick Lamar yall dont know how i love this song its so catchy 🥲holycrap emotions *** im screwed , and the other song is spirit by kwesta,wale (not ur comon songs yeah ik)
@hardtobeRia ay maad city slaps havent heard the other one tho, finna listen to it later man. sending hugs n like good shi ur way trust
🫂🫂huggies, oh Goodluck with exams n everything else rooting for u as always
@hardtobeRia ty man fr but exam season is over now its js not using n my mother but tyyy
Woman better chill fr ,so you wrote or u gonna rewrite the exams?
@hardtobeRia i already done it so now js sitting in class doing absolutely nothing the pedo *** teacher wants me to do smth but i aint finna despise that bitchass
Eww pedos ,hate teachers like that fr
@hardtobeRia exactlyyyy
the shadoww is back. aye Ria i'm so proud of u gng for sharing bro. u not weak for tht gng u just human n feeling is a good sign trust. coz it still shows u here n can atleast tackle those emotions. when it will get bad is when u can't feel anything n that will be bad coz u'll be disconnected from yourself. proud of u gng.
i totally get the african part bro peeps suck. reliving the memories is tuff but lemme tell u smth sis, allow yourself to feel all tht shii trust me, allow yourself too. becoz if u don't it will come back again and again until if u supress them for long enough u won't be able to feel them anymore but they will still be just there. weighing u down. then the feeling of your heart being heavy n stuff will set in n trust it's such a bad feeling.
and yoo why your peeps be hitting u like tht men that's inhumane man. now i don't want u to have the i'm strong mentality i need to carry everything mentality, i can't cry mentality, crying is weak mentality, feeling hurt is wrong mentality, acknowledging tht the peeps did wrong is wrong for u mentality. crush all that down, carry the i'm a kid who got stuff i didn't deserve n becoz i didn't deserve them imma find ways to get them out of me to feel the emotions, n to possibly heal from all tht trauma. trust me it takes strength to even put on this mentality.
then when u do tht buckle up u gon start crying alot. but trust it's gonna be for your own good. if u ever trust me on one thing trust me on this just this one please. it's gonna hurt to feel tht the peeps r bad n they did shiii on u coz it will be a big diff from knowing tht the peeps did shii n still do shii. it's gonna hurt ngl. u gon cry, u gon become so angry, u gon crash out many times, sometimes u gon feel depressed n feel like ending it. but i want u to know it's all in the journey.
sometimes to handle all this emotions u may feel this certain energy to just break stuff n if u not careful u can end up inflicting pain on yourself instead. i don't want u to continue tht, coz at the end of the day it wasn't your fault, and we tryna heal u so keep u safe at all cost. treat yourself, your body as like the most precious thing even if u don't feel it. have this repulsion tht can't allow u to even touch yourself in a way to inflict harm. i'm proud of u gng even if noone else tells u. proud of u bro realy proud. more than u k.
@cozyshadow14 thanksies🫠 but that memory dont matter n i honestly dont care so yeah