Anyways stay safe guys I don't have a long time here.
i wrote another one iono how this ones finna be was not in right headspace while i wrote it
i went to school
feeling oh so drained
i barely slept
no point in it anyway
i was not a fool
but i was quite pained
all night i wept
i never could have my way
at school i didnt pay attention
i slept in class in hopes of getting
any snippet of rest i could
i needed it to deal with my home
there was no direction
in my life i was just betting
on whether or not this day could be good
i just hoped i would be left alone
the bus ride was silent like everyday
i just stared out the window and thought
about life and her actions and true love
maybe hoped something bad would happen
like getting robbed in an alleyway
because i was taught
that love isnt given its earned or collected like crumbs off the floor
that nothing i wanted should happen
so i believed that when i needed affection
i was like a whiny old dog
begging for love and attention
and getting kicked like a rock
when i got home it was reflex
to take off my bag and do dishes
then i went upstairs hoping to stay unnoticed
yet failing once again
i really tried to deflect
when the yelling started my only wishes
were for it to end and for me to not get noticed
again
i went to my room and did homework
losing myself more as i wrote
i could hear them fighting and yelling
through the thin paper walls
i felt like such a jerk
i just wanted to write a note
then slit someones throat
and go to jail
i tried to focus on spelling
but i couldnt help but listen to her calls
she talked about me a lot
about how i was a bad kid
how i was hard to deal with
how she didnt like me
but i fought
and i hid
from my thoughts and myth
i just wanted to be
id try to sleep
but mostly wouldnt
and would just think
what would it be like to be de*d
i wanted to keep
my brain from going there but couldnt
i would stare at the ceiling and blink
until my whole body felt like lead
those days were tough to live through
with no reason to keep going
but i somehow made it like a zombie
barely holding on
its a hard truth to chew
but i wasnt even growing
in any way
just living on
now im still lost
i will not lie
but at least i have a point
a reason not to count my days
but theres a cost
i got high
i smoked a joint
and that got me out my ways
only to make me into something worse
Sheesh man , hope u get out if there soon fr. I too want to slit someone's throat or maybe my own throat who knows.
@hardtobeRia Hey Ria, let's hope it ain't yours k? (Sorry didn't k what else to say fr ik that's not gonna cormfort u or anything just see my heart's position atp)
Its aight
@hardtobeRia i feel you but how about we dont cus like i dont want u to die or be in prison yeah?
Idk maybe that would be better, I dont know what im doing with my life shem
@hardtobeRia lol me too fam.
@valentinorossi46 damn T I feel u. Idk wat to say fr J's k imma be here if u need a space again that's only thing I can offer so far. Power to u T. 💪💪
Yo guys I'm so freaking bored. With no wifi. I wanna check on u guys but I can't.
@cozyshadow14 how r y'all....really.
Ummm rly bad had a bunch of bs in my life basically ain't clean, had a bad deal that ended up in me offing a guy, od d and am now on probation fun stuff gng yh we surviving i g
What abt u how u doin gng
@valentinorossi46 tf what. Hey gng what happened? U aight now? Damn.
Well with the guy he for some reason chose a deserted loc for me to sell and I thought it was js bc he wanted to buy bulk but he tried to pull a heater on me and I pulled a blade and yeah
A few days later I was the smoking some ganja when one of the guys offered some crack n I didn't turn it down but apparently he mixed smth in n I took too much so I ended up in the hospital
And I also got caught by the fuzz with meth and weed on me so now I'm on probation yay fun stuff ummm yeah
Home situation also rly shi but that's the usually
Acc tho wbu how u doin gng
Well with the guy he for some reason chose a deserted loc for me to sell and I thought it was js bc he wanted to buy bulk but he tried to pull a heater on me and I pulled a blade and yeah
A few days later I was the smoking some ganja when one of the guys offered some crack n I didn't turn it down but apparently he mixed smth in n I took too much so I ended up in the hospital
And I also got caught by the fuzz with meth and weed on me so now I'm on probation yay fun stuff ummm yeah
Home situation also rly shi but that's the usually
Acc tho wbu how u doin gng
Damn. Power to you T. But what the fuzz do to u T. Home situation damn more power acc.
@cozyshadow14 what happens when someone is in probation? Like for u how they treating u? Sorry for that situation T. N also um forgive me but offing someone wat does it mean?
Well since I'm on probation I rly can't use cus fuzz make me do drug tests. Also gotta get good grades, pay some fines and do community service n shi but at least I aint in prison. And I meet with an officer a few times a week n he's pretty chill n shi he like gets me yk and he let's me smoke as long as it aint weed so that's something
And ummm offing some one is like I k lled him but oml I did not mean to it was self defense
Damnnnnnn , glad u safe though
And hello guys
@hardtobeRia heyyy there missed ya fr cuh hyd like acc howve u been holding up
also what do u think of me gng
@valentinorossi46 Think of you?? that you on ur pfp?
@hardtobeRia yupppp thats me lol but im lwky high in this photo its fine tho
@valentinorossi46 ): this is legit u your frowning face so cute ,
🧍🏾♀️borrow me ur closset for a sec in need of it
I'm not frowning cuh this js my face 😭
But sry can't lend my wardrobe use it myself mb cuh 😔
@valentinorossi46 😭nah u probs are misunderstood alot because of that ,
Yh 😔
But I mean I am mad a lot of the time sooo
@valentinorossi46 you dont look mad to me u look sad , ths flip how they seeing that face as a mad face
I look tired mostly this life takes a toll on people fr
Yesh can relate , ifk wat I look like to people maybe angry sad who knows,me tired 🧍🏾♀️🔫 this would be me if my mom wont stop calling me useless every minute
@hardtobeRia hey lets not do anything rash mkay? what she says aint the truth ur a great person man n u fs aint useless trust me
@valentinorossi46 😭 im tired of her fr , I woukd be legit just chilling n shes just gonna up to me talk trash
Ik man been there fr but yk what she says ain't true fr ur better than she says
Stay strong twin
@valentinorossi46 why are we awake? Its late tino
Bc I'm in Russia rn n it ain't that late it's still a normal time n I'm js going home from a concert
@valentinorossi46 oh u in Russia when did u go there n a concert me jealous 𥲠never been to one
What concert was it , oh n what time is it now
N im probably asking too number questions my bad
I came here like a couple of days ago I think
And the concert was called young talents n basically buncha soloists and I was one 😛 legit don't know how I landed a spot here
It's almost 10 in the night rn
And I don't kind the questions ask me more lol
@valentinorossi46 🧍🏾♀️ I was ur number one fan
Remember meeeeee when u go out there , hope u enjoyed though
Waiiitttttttt were u the one that told me u had a gf ?or am I wrong maybe not u tf who was it man
U r my number 1 fan for poems but not music sadly but I 100 percent remember u fr
And nah gf was Rome not me I'm single af lol
@velantinorossi46 can't believe im not ur n1 fan😔
Nah not him someone else at the beginning, sheeshhow long have u been single
Man Ive been doing music for years b4 cups I'm sorry 😔
Ive been single for a whileee now but eh it's fine
Atleast you've been in one ,I've been single since birth when am I ever gonna experience love😭 ik im the problem but still not even a talking stage
Be patient man fr u fa will find some1 trust me
And you're not the entire problem man fr
@valentinorossi46 ✌🏾 gonna be single till death atp but uts aight better than letting someone suffer because of me in not very communicative
Nahhh u ain't finna be single till death and man ppl won't suffer with you you'll find ways man cmon keep it positive n shi
@valentinorossi46 sometimes u try to ignore ut but its gets to u sometimes but im trying not to believe that
Ik man ik fr but yk gotta prove the haters wrong n shi keep pushing fam
@valentinorossi46 👀 but fr though I need more caps mine are getting old
I only have like 2 lol I js try n style them in dif ways
✌🏾 me to but im getting tired of getting called a wanna be 😭 im just dressing like this cause I like it n its conformable
@hardtobeRia man f what ppl say fr tell them theyre a wannabe cus like y tf they saying tht to u
@valentinorossi46 not everyday u see a girl dress like a dude here at school rare sight mostly so that gets their attention
Damn well I mean that's cool tho? Ur like a fun person fr cuh don't let them discourage u
@valentinorossi46 😎 im the definition of cool /jk im not ,lol I wont plus girl clothes are so uncomfortable 😭
Ive gotta say I both disagree and agree
Ur cool af
And girl clothes are uncomfortable
@valentinorossi46 why do u mean disagree hauwð¤º
The fortune are lets not start with crop tops bruu
I disagree with u saying that ur not kewl cus u r af
And I must say crop tops scare me
😭😭 may I ask why?
@hardtobeRia ummm y abt what? i think ur cool bc like i know u some from here and from what i know u sound rly great man
and crop tops r js scary man i dont get y yall wear them
@valentinorossi46 asked why u scared of crop tops , n who is yall i dont wear those never will they uncomfortable
Theyre scary to wear man 😔
And y'all like girls not specifically u
Ouf of all things u can fear u chose crop tops 😭😭
@valentinorossi46 how am I..... ive been not okay , normal things 🧍🏾♀️
@hardtobeRia need to talk abt it? Yk im aleays hfy fr cuh
@valentinorossi46 eh just my head been messing with alot , talking trash lots no biggie
🫂 tough gng fr hope it stops soon man u need a break
With my mom talking alot dont think it will end soon talking about her ugh shes calling me
@hardtobeRia i feel u there man but i believe in u fr ur strong u can make it thru
with u n hfy
@valentinorossi46 u too believe in u
@hardtobeRia iono man dont feel safe at all nowadays but hey its fine js my mind playing tricks on me
@valentinorossi46 🫂🫂 huggies so much going on at the same time like damn u need a vacation fr
Feel u on the mind thing im drained.
@hardtobeRia yh idk i js think i need a proper break td too much but we trying
N i hope ur mind stops doin weird n bad shi fr
Came back , hmmm how u feeling about that though is u good mentally about offing someone , and yeah dont have to answer that if dont want too...
@hardtobeRia i am infact not good about it still freaking out but i mean at least i didnt get caught thats something but otherwise im a big ahh mess recently so um yeah and my mind is very shi tty all the time yh some1 get me outta here
@valentinorossi46 so the offing , the fuss dont know about that ?
I mean its a normal reaction not to be okay, its gonna mess with u for a long time though hope you'll be okay
𤺠me vs your mind tonight 7pm ð¤º
@hardtobeRia thanfully the fuzz dont know n yh ik i wont be okay for a while oh well js another way im messed up lol
@velentinorossi46 sorry shem , hope you'll be alright soon
@hardtobeRia doubt it tbh but yk hope so too
@valentinorossi46 Glad u safe homie fr. W for the police who gets u fr
🤸🏾♀️and my song of today is acrually they are 2 but eh
Let you down
Fear
Both by NF 🧍🏾♀️ have a great day ladies n gentlemen
Im loosing my *** mind rn ✌🏾but we move
Hate myself n my life 🚣🏾♀️ why was I born again but anyways turned this into a venting thingy n I'm still typing ***
@hardtobeRia fire songs fr
n i feel u abt the losing ur mind thing me too cuh but we move on fr
n im rly hapy u were born n like exist and ill love you enough for u trust man i care n a lot miss seeing u in chats fr
😭 I miss yall damm cant believe im saying this i dont eveb miss people but cmon yall were ny kiddoes 🧍🏾♀️yall are kids to me nothing is going to change that
Me to gng me to glad yall exist🫂🖤 huggies for all
@hardtobeRia hugs Ria. Fr I missed you bro. Always Gon be kid to u fam. Huggies fr. Aye guys we can do this aight. *Hugs* 💖
@valentinorossi46 fr miss seeing u in chats man. Like I stayed a few days not on cups n I thought the worst fr.
@@cozyshadow14 How are you? No bs
@cozyshadow14 like real all the ppl whp used to be around a lot js dissapeared like ik some of them got banned n its like mannn nooo
Banned?? Damn what happened when I left
@hardtobeRia yeah man iono most ppl we talked with r js gone now n its kinda depressing cups aint the same nowadays
@hardtobeRia with u gng. I feel u.
Talks with cozyyyyyyyyyyyy , damn feels like we haven't talked in forever
@hardtobeRia fr feels like we haven't talked in centuries.
@hardtobeRia haha talks with cozy i see what u did there
@valentinorossi46 yupp , he shoukd really get back to his old self
Jokd lemme quickly go vatch chickens😭😭
@hardtobeRia lol Ria. Damn Ria I feel old man 😭.
@cozyshadow14 why do you feel old?
@hardtobeRia work.
Data over.
Welelle me n my battery rn im on 12 percent
@cozyshadow14 finna miss u cuh fr
And before my phone goes off todays songs are 🥁🥁
Charlie xcx- von Dutch
The neighborhood- jealousy
The neighborhood- R.I.P 2 my youth
🙂↔️ I thank you
Im so tired
@hardtobeRia i feel u gng me 2 brah