A place for Vase and Berry
Hi @bestVase7265 This is a place where we can chat with each other. Thank you so much for supporting me, Vase. I'm very grateful and I'm happy to continue our previous conversion here. 😊
I HATE MY MOTHER I HATE HER SO MUCH. I HATE HER. I HATE HER. I HATE HER. I HATE HER MORE THAN I HATE MYSELF. I WANT HER TO GET THE HELLL OUT OF MY LIFE. I AM SO DONE WITH HER.
HER ONLY JOB IS TO HURT ME AND SHE IS THE MOST SUCCESSFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD AT THAT. SHE IS SO GOOD AT HER JOB, I CANT EVEN EXPLAIN. SHE IS SO SO SO GOOD.
I WANT THAT *** OUT OF MY LIFE. JUST GET LOST, I DONT EVEN CARE.
"YOU SAY IM TOO GROWN UP AND DONT NEED YOU ANYMORE, RIGHT? WELL, YOU'RE RIGHT. NOW GO GET LOST, I DONT WANT TO SEE YOUR FACE AGAIN. IVE HAD ENOUGH. NOW GET THE HELLL OUT OF MY LIFE. I HATE YOU. I DONT WANT YOU HERE ANYMORE IF ALL YOU WANT TO DO IT HURT ME. GO AWAY. LEAVE ME ALONE! I'M DONE WITH YOU." i want to say that to her face. but i cant.
i want to go to school. i want to be away from her for 8 hours. i cant tolerate her 24/7. i just cant. i wish i could leave the house alone and just be away. you think 15 is old enough to leave the house alone? i think it is. but i look too young and am scared. i used to go out alone when i was 9 though. go out and play in the society park alone. nothing ever went wrong with that except when i fell off a slide right on my head once. but now we live in a small society and i dunno if i can leave it alone. and where am i to go? no parks nearby.
i feel bad for talking about my mother like that. other people have it worse, why am i complaining? i'm so ungrateful.
No need to turn some legitimate anger at your mom against yourself. You are indeed living in a rough situation.
I totally agree that school is actually an improvement over home even with the stress of schoolwork. Your mom is plain hard to deal with.
So let's figure out over the next few days ways for you to get outside on your own for a few hours. It will help.
You say there aren't nearby parks. Any playgrounds? What does walking down the street or around the block look like? Any kids in the area that look like they need babysitting? What about some kind of library or reading room in walking distance? Any spots where people do sports or games that you could watch?
i wanna k1ll myself
she is so annoying. wont even let me wake up at 8:30 am because i gotta break the bad habit of waking up "late". because apparently that is ruining my health. so waking up at 8 am will fix my health, no doctors needed. if i try to tell her that i want to sleep more, i have to sit and listen to 10 minutes of ***.
everything. every. ***. thing. i do is bad for my health. every. single. thing. because i have to be healthy in 10th grade. you know what, is she goes on like this, i will never ever be healthy. i'd rather be dead than have this *** try to fix my health on her own. she is one of the stupidest creatures to exist on earth. why was a born to such an idiot?
i'm exhausted. how do i actually get some rest? real rest?
I know how tired you are. But neither of us is going to be able to change her. Getting angry wastes your energy.
So let's try to figure out some ways to get you out of the house for at least a few hours. Were any of my suggestions workable? Is there anything that you are considering trying?
@exuberantBlackberry9105
@bestVase7265 "Getting angry wastes your energy." that's great to hear. i cant help but get angry, i cant. so that's amazing to hear, thank you so much. now you are telling me i am wasting my energy. you're right. but i cant help it.
sorry that was so rude. i'm sorry. i was just so angry at the time.
my mother took me to a doctor today... the doctor was very nice, extremely nice. but i dunno how to feel about everything that happened or how to talk about it. what do i tell you? it's a long story. ask me if you wanna know anything specific.
i hardly slept last night. went to bed at 12:30 am but took ages to fall asleep and kept dreaming and wakjng up. i have school today and will get to know my marks. im terrified and stressed.
I would love to hear your doctor story. Maybe there is something in there that can help you lean towards something good.
Please don't push me away too with your anger. Anger is most definitely a choice that you don't have to make. When you say you can't control your anger then you become your mother. You aren't your mother. You are kind to others and try to understand things. But when you say "I can't control my anger" two things happen. First, you beat up on yourself harder and second, you become so hard to the world that you lash out even at kindness.
@bestVase7265 i'm so sorry. i didn't mean to hurt you or push you away.
The only person that I worry about getting hurt is you. I'm okay.
I want to see you find a way forward so that you become empowered and you don't think all the world is is a burden for you that you have no control over. It is so easy to feel that way when you are in school and have really controlling, rough parents to deal with at home.
But you have regularly reported on how your mom blames her anger on everyone but her. She literally destroys her own world with her anger. She destroys you as well.
You deserve a better future than that by breaking free from her anger hurricane. It doesn't have to belong to you as well.
I know that your results are coming soon if you haven't already gotten them. Whatever they are, school results also aren't all you are as a person. We move forward no matter what you hear, good or bad. I am not going anywhere. @exuberantBlackberry9105
@bestVase7265 hi
i will always be hurt anyway, so don't worry. and i did get my results yesterday.
i give up. living is pointless. maybe it's supposed to get better next year. maybe i will feel better soon now that we figured out what's wrong with my body. but it doesnt matter. nothing matters. life is pointless. people suck. no one loves me or truly cares about me. no one needs me, and even if someone did, i dont care anymore. nothing truly matters.
nothing makes me happy anymore. nothing comforts me, nothing gives me some relief. except the thought that everything will be over tonight.
i cant end it tonight. I HATE THIS.
why cant i just naturally die?
