Chat between @chillmoon and @Creamyyy
Please do not read if you are not Creamyyy or chillmoon
kindly respect the privacy
thank you!
Hello dear friend
How are you?
I couldn't find our pen pal thread so I created a new one
Hey im so happy u made it...
I got a lot of my threads deleted because I was aiming to publish and I didnt want to be traced to confidential info here
But my plans are kinda stalled now...
Im still aiming to publish .. but kind of finding clarity on how to do make things more fiction-ish
Really happy to have our chat renewed. I had been thinking about you. How are things on your end?
@chillmoon
@Creamyyy ohhhh I see. Sryyy didn't know that you intentionally deleted. Should've asked you before creating the thread.
But I'm so glad to reconnect with you
So you want it to be kind of like a fiction?. That is great to be honest. It is always okay to take time on things. That is a quality of a great writer 😃
I've been a little ill for the last two months. Am still on medications but have recovered a lot. Everything was so messed up and had some family issues so couldn't come on cups
I'm more than happy to be back 💕
Hope your self love is going on these days😊. I too am working on self love.
Hey Im sorry you fell ill. What health concern is it? (Only if you feel comfortable sharing).
Im just glad youre on recovery mode and social mode as well :d
I dont use cups as much as before I either. But I do a bit everyday and its a really good feeling.
Ive been having a lot of home toxicity that was disturbing my mental health & ive been writing "fiction diaries" .. sharing my feelings about things Ive been thru.. and because i wish to discuss sexuality and faith struggles, I want to remain faceless & anonymous & in fiction mode , but the other part of me wants to be a revolutionary / activist, seeing my books as a stepping stone for it, and that would mean not staying anonymous... maybe I could go with anonymous first and based on the response decide which course I want to take in my life.... and also I dont have entire clarity about what my message is, so the work is in draft stages..
Im trying to be more patient with obstacles that come up in life and not to get irritable because of them.
@chillmoon
@Creamyyy Low pressure, gastritis with severe depression. everything got hard bcs I had some family issues on top of everything else.
It sure is a great feeling to connect with the cups community even for a bit.
I'm sorry for the toxic happenings. Sending lots of love and warmth to you.
I can see why you want to stay anonymous. I mean I wouldn't be sharing downsides of my addictions and mental health if we had to have our real names in this platform. It's hard to give out our true self to the society as a known person. Vulnerability is something really hard and lovely at the same time but sad to see how some people judge others when they are vulnerable.
You know what, I can see you as a remarkable activist. Being the voice for many. Yes that would mean you going with your real name.
Both saying anonymous and going with the real name have pros and cons, but I agree with you in going anonymous and then deciding how you want to go forward. Because we don't know how the society will react and respond to certain things. and I think you will be able to be more true about yourself and your life in the book if you go anonymous first.
But then again, maybe you'll want to go with the real name in the time of publish, time will do what is best.
All that matters is that you are doing what you love right. No rush. (I'm rooting and cheering for your draft🙃)
I'm working on that tooooo. It's so easy to feel down and just fall down when faced with obstacles. I'm trying to be patient about happenings. Also working on my 'giving opinions'. I tend to give my opinion about a lot of things, with family and friends. I just feel I have to give my opinion when i think others are doing things in the wrong way. But I'm trying not to. Everything doesn't have to work the correct way all the time and some things and ideas will be different to mine and that's totally okay. there is a high chance that my opinion is the wrong one. there is much more calm when i don't involve myself in everything.you are not in a country affected by the war right? I hope you are safe
Ah Im sorry about the gastritis & the depression. Have experience with both & I know how tough it can be :/
Thank you for your encouragement to me about being an activist. I need more self belief on that. Like I can be really emotional like a revolutionary to support the right cause but the type of activist I want to be is demonstrate more than passion - some smart strategies to counter the ills. I feel that contribution makes for a package deal to offer. The feelings part is more like a connection point to generate momentum.
Im trying dating too. And generally doing just whatever keeps me happy - reading, cups, browsing online and real stores (shopping for tasteful things is my way of manifesting good things in my life ...). So Im not a focused revolutionary certainly. Not yet. Ill get there I think at the right time. God willing.
You mentioned a great point about not giving opinions all the time and be less involved in lives of others. I could certainly pluck that tip too. Not only does it saturate you emotionally and mentally, not everyone feels comfortable with your insights even if they are well intentioned.
Im from Pakistan. Its not affected by the current war but we are generally speaking a country marred by terror perpetually 😅
I was planning to relocate to Dubai this year though but given the situation there now, I am going to hold off that idea...
Where are you from?
Its so comfortable connecting with you. I feel so much resonance. 🩷
@chillmoon
@Creamyyy I agree you on the package deal. mmm yeah it will be almost impossible to walk through the obstacles and the society without planned strategies. demonstration as in ? like discussions, rallies and events to raise awareness of the public? would love to know more about what you mean.
yesss, you will come there in the right time
yes it really saturates the mind and take up space, which can be used to better things.
oooh, i see. yeah yeah terrorism has been there for a long time right.
Oh really? Better not to do that soon with the current problems. I don't know when this will end. Any specific reason to chose Dubai?
I don't want to say my country. I don't know why. there's this safety things in my mind. Idkk. maybe i'll say it in some time when i have those things off my mind haha. I'm from Asia (Not India or Pakistan) . Guess that makes us Asian buddies 😀
@Creamyyy Nice to hear you are trying dating ✨. that's such an awesome and fun way to manifest 🙃. do you read a specific genre of books or? I read almost anything lol. love reading. I finished this book today called 'the subtle art of not giving a f*uck'. i was hesitant to read it bcs of the title, but it actually was a good book. it's about lifestyle and i learned and reflected a lot.
Hey great to know we are Asians <3
Its perfectly reasonable and wise to keep your location anonymous if you have fears.
I used to have mine as well ... for a long long time... Im kinda slowly growing out of them....
Dating can feeling emotionally disturbing at times when things feel confusing.... it can also be fun if things work well ...
I feel like im quite close to meeting my soulmate... its just a feeling...
How r u keeping?
@chillmoon
Im gona check out that book too. It sounds like something my type. Thanks for telling me about it.
How old are you? I cant remember if I already asked you this before in our previous thread. Im 39 year old woman - although I also see myself as a girl quite a lot of time.
@chillmoon
@Creamyyy I do recommend it but there are controversial ideas so i don't know if you'd like it or not. but i mean being open minded to different ideas is always a good thing ryt.
Oh reallyyy. you actually sound younger (it's a compliment haha). like a girl.
I'm 19. did you predict an age for me? lol
oh and i'm a girl (i can't remember if i told that before)
@Creamyyy i don't have have any experience but i do know from others how emotionally consuming and disturbing it can be at times
reallyyyyy. that is such a heartfelt feeling. I hope you meet your soulmate one day.
I'm doing okay. it is so warm here. can't bear the heat.
U gave definite vibes of a girl.
And yes age wise I felt u werent more than 20s
I read the book synopsis. The few things i read seemed to be in sync with me. So i ordered it to know more.
Thank u for ur kind wishes for my love life. It means a lot <3
Thank u for also boosting my confidence a lil thru feeling girl vibes over woman.. hhehee.
Its getting warmer here too. Still pleasant though.
After May itll be super hot. Not looking forward .
Whats new ?
I met an old friend / acquaintance today and it was really nice catching up. She wanted to start a book club. I encouraged her and expressed interest to be a part of it. I think it could be great to collect as a group to engage with ideas we read about.
@chillmoon
@Creamyyy wait no way. you have good detective skills haha
Is synopsis the name of the book? i searched and couldn't find it.
Aw I'm glad. Being a girl in the inside is something most people want but they don't have it. i think the mindset of a 'girl' makes life happier and good; always open to new experiences and ideas ,having a warm heart.
Ah I see. May is the start of the rainy season for us.
We moved to our new house (yayyyy). My parents have been having the house built for like 10 years now. It is quite huge with a huge garden and a backyard. It's an antique house. Inspired by the ancient houses of our country. I sound exaggerating but i absolutely love it. I feel so lucky. It is surrounded by trees and it's so peaceful.
Other than that,
Family problems, disagreements and a highly tense environment. I cried almost every day , last week.
Also I'm dealing with addictions and trying to get into studying. I have my University entrance exam in August and I'm so behind in studies.
How was last week?
Anything new?
I meant i read synopsis (like the main ideas) of the book you mentioned -- the subtle art of not giving a f... its been delivered to me. Im planning to read today.
The house sounds really exciting. So happy for u. I hope I make mine soon too especially with a blend of nature in it. One of our friends have a waterfall built inside their house. Kinda expensive to get it made. I think id like some kinda water body around me. Even a little pond perhaps? I can sit by it and have tea. Water just soothes me. Or have a home in the countryside where theres natural streams and all.
I like yr definition of a girl. I guess its all about feeling young at heart.
Sorry about the toxicity. So relatable. My mind often feels fragmented seeing the abuse . I just am mastering my skills of filtering/ ignoring the noise. Also keep close to people who are positive. It will make the toxic ones appear insignificant in comparison.
I remember u mentioned about the addictions before but I cant recall which ones.. I dont drink alcohol anymore but in my 20s I would once every month or two months to cope with depression. I still feel a leaning towards it at times... the desire to just disconnect from reality and transition into another world for a bit. I hope i dont do it though because itll become a habit. Instead I take the name of God a lot to give myself strength. Do you have a spiritual side to you?
Safe hugs <3
@chillmoon
@Creamyyy
Ahhhhhhhhhhh, rightttttt
Now I'm nervous cs maybe you won't like it 😭
Hope you do :)
Your idea for your house is so lovely. Resonates so much with me. We have a lake behind our house. Yes water is just soothing and grounding. I love water, I like to swim cs i feel so free and it's like i'm flying
I'm so sorry you have to live with toxicity. It is so hard to be happy and have a good mindset when the environment around you is filled with toxic people and things. You are strong person, to be open to life and have lovely dreams for your life despite the toxic environment.
I should take your advice and associate more positive people.
It's youtube and p*** addiction (i don't have this anymore). I don't drink alcohol.
Glad you are not in that habit anymore. Yeah it's just the coping mechanism for depression. It distracts me from reality and makes me forget real life problems for a while and give a high form the videos.
In a TED talk I watched, this woman told that most of the people who watch you.tube shorts are not watching it willingly. They can't live without it. When I watch shorts for a few hours , my brain just feels like it's filled with cement. I'm not thinking clearly, I'm automated. When I try to do something else, I crave shorts and goes and reopens youtube. I'm literally another person when that happens. I watch shorts, i feel guilt, as a solution for guilt I watch shorts again. It's a loop.
Tell me your ideas about this. I think the companies are hijacking our brain and controlling it which makes us stay longer in their application, which then gives them profit.
That is the best solution, leaning towards god. Whatever religion we are, spirituality just helps us become better versions of ourselves.
I'm a Buddhist
*Hugs you back*
@Creamyyy I totally forgot about the waterfall. No way your friend has one inside their house. I should've taken a lot of money to built. and high maintenance, with the algae and all. Yeah, a cute little pond would be nice. Oh wait you like to drink tea?? Me too
Hi @chillmoon
Apologies for the delay in replying.
Ive not been using this app.
And Im also battling ptsd. Most of the times - I'm out of focus.
Even reading isnt possible. I try.
A lot of people pity me. Others blame me for my perception. The lack of connection makes things much harder.
Im just going to try and write my story bit by bit. Whatever I can manage.
Please share how u r. It would make me happy to hear from u.
U asked me about companies hijacking minds. Hmm. I dont know. Its quite possible. I think the human mind is often geared towards exploiting others for financial gains or support towards their values agendas. One has to be careful.
@Creamyyy hiii
ohh no apologies needed :). here i am replying after months.
It is so great to hear from you. i thought about you, hoped you were doing well
That sounds incredibly heavy. Thank you for letting me in on what you're dealing with
ohh my dear, nothing is wrong with your perception, you are a unique being in this wide world and there is nothing wrong about being you. i know you are a wonderful soul. i admire you for the way you think,your ideas and you as a whole.
happy to hear you are writing the story. there is no rush at all.
how are you now? (asking bcs this was a few months back). you don't have to reply. I hope you are healthy and doing well.
I've also been going through a lot lately. family problems and studies. battling with myself to study. trying to cope with addictions. having lots of self blame and shame.
i didnt come on cups bcs i was not in a good state. i was just existing and drowning in all the negative emotions and actions.
i saw your mentions in forum posts. i will reply. im just taking small steps and not going on forums cs its just still too much at once. hope you dont mind me not acknowledging mentions.
sending lots of love to you.
@chillmoon
Hey I thought of you too. <3
Im doing fine... writing. Dealing with family. Hunting for lovers. Same old 😅
Be easy on yourself.. a lot of self blame we do is exaggerated often... more self compassion feels good at times <3
@Creamyyy lovely to hear from you.
haha that's great.
i have to work on self compassion. it is something i struggle with
sending lots of warmth and love on your way 💗