Space to talk
@Tinywhisper11
Heyy! Hope you're doing great. I would love to chat with you more and it's so hard to do here. I am lost between all your different replies in my posts so let's just talk here, if you want ofc
@schrodingerscattt yep theese forums get quite confusing, when you want to talk to someone ❤ and if course I want to talk here with you ❤❤ we seem to have different time zones between each other, so this will be easier. Tell me how your day as been? And how are your thoughts today?? It's almost 5am here. And it's so windy, I can hear the wind howling. I'm just having my morning coffee and replying to threads before I go start my day ❤ I've come to love you as a friend, and I want to help you. So feel free to vent, get it all of your chest. I'm always here for you ❤
@Tinywhisper11
What country are you from, if you don't mind answering? Because i'm from France so my time is CET. But the thing is i'm so busy during the day so i go on cups usually at 10 pm or stuff like that. Right now it's 4 pm and it's so rare for me to be on this app this early. I'm just taking a break from studying. So far my day was ok i guess. I am now taking sleeping meds but it doesn't do much tbh. I still have nightmares and these meds don't take away this. It's so annoying. I just wanna get a good sleep for once. But i constantly have this background anxiety so it's so hard to calm down and just sleep yk. I also really struggle right now because i am reflecting more and more about my past and it hurts so much. I cried so hard the past few days because of it. I just wish i had a different family but well, at least i have you my best friend! You're such a motivation for me! Really! Your positivity is contagious and whenever i feel sad i think about you and i feel a bit better. Also wanted to say you wake up so early!! I wake up at 10 am right now but wanna wake up earlier because when you wake up late you have less time to do all the tasks you need to do.
I wanna say so many things right now i don't even know what to say😂 So excited to talk to you!
And you, how your day has been going? How are you doing? You can vent to me if you want i will listen. If you want to discuss whatever you're feeling i'm here.
@schrodingerscattt hey neighbour ❤ I live in the UK 😁 it's just gone 3pm here. And my sleeping meds will be kicking in any minute now😁 I'm terrified of when the sun goes down and darkness consumes the world. So I make sure I'm asleep before then. But it means I wake up any time around midnight to 3am 😁😁 yep my schedule is not the greatestest but it works for me. I use this site whilst waking up, then when my pain levels get a bit much as the day goes on. When you go to bed do you have a thousand thoughts in your head?
@Tinywhisper11
Omg! I've always wanted to visit uk! But tbh i have such a stereotyped version of it in my head😂
Yes!! I have so so many thoughts in my head that it's hard to quiet my mind yk. Even right now i have so many thoughts. And i am so tired too. I have 38 hours of work to catch up😭 But screw this, health is more important.
@schrodingerscattt yeah I'm not sure the uk and france particularly get along😂😂 but we are neighbours and should be best friends ❤ we'll have to lead by example😁
ok this is gonna seem impossible, and at the start it is hard. But when you go to bed put some relaxing music on, and try to completely stop thinking. If you find yourself thinking, focus on the music. Then try again
it's sounds stupid, but that's how I learnt to fall asleep with the help of sleep meds. Also I take them about half hour before I like down.
it's worth a shot ❤ sweetie I'm gonna have to lie down now ❤ so I'll check this post as soon as I wake up ❤ I hope you get a good night sleep ❤ hug s you tightly ❤ goodnight angel ❤
@Tinywhisper11
Aww thank you so much ❤❤❤
It doesn't sound stupid! It's such a great advice! But yeah it's so hard to do so. My mind is always wandering everywhere and is creating the worst case scenarios😭 i also just can't stop daydreaming especially before going to bed! It stops me from relaxing properly too. Like i imagine a whole new life for myself with a boyfriend and stuff like that😂😂😂
Thank you so much!! Good night❤❤❤
So i wanted to add, i'm feeling a bit bad about saying that i'm from France. I just unfortunately live here but i'm everything but french. I was born in Russia and my mother is Russian so i relate to this culture wayyy more than the one of the country i live in. My name is such a stereotypical Russian name😂 There's just so many Lenas in Russia😂 I actually hated my name when i was a kid, i thought it was too basic😂
I'm feeling so many different emotions rn. I just wanna cry to be honest and grieve my childhood nut on the other hand i don't wanna cry because it's not nice! It's not my hobby to cry after all! So yeah, rn i'm kinda stuck between wanting to feel this sadness and grief and escape it. I guess i'll just read a book, It usually helps.
Also i wanted to get to know you a bit more. Like what is your favorite song if you have one (i have way too many to only choose one😂), what is your favorite movie? Favorite season of the year? (mine's fall because of the pumpkins and the pumpkin spice latte😁)
@schrodingerscattt it doesn't matter to me what country your from or where you live ❤ I'm originally from America, I was moved to the UK a few years ago. Favourite season🤔🤔🤔 all of them😁 ok so music and tv, well I never knew exsisted till a few years ago, so music I've been exploring the past couple of years, and there's way to many to choose just one from. Tv, I haven't actually been well enough to watch yet. I tried to watch it when I first got it, but tv seems to confuse me and trigger flashbacks even more. My psychiatrist said it's something to do with the movements in the tv, that triggers my brain. I also hear voices and stuff, so it's just to much for my brain to handle. I've never watched a movie😞 lucki ly about a year and a half ago 🤔🤔 maybe just over i learnt how to use the internet and technology. Then my carer set me up on this site😁 I don't know what I'd do without 7 cups.
crying is good for you, if you need to cry. then just cry. It's ok to feel so many different emotions, after the childhood you've had its not gonna be easy to heal from. Let yourself heal by going through the emotions. And daydreaming especially before bed that's just you escaping from reality for a little while ❤ oneday soon, those dreams will become your reality. And you'll live happily ever after ❤ did you get much rest last night? How are you feeling today? When you day dream, what do you see your life as??
@Tinywhisper11
Hi!! So i am feeling ok but a bit confused. I don't even know how i feel. I feel excited about how my life can be in the future( super rare to feel this way), scared that things will go very very very bad and scary again, frustrated that no one around me actually puts an effort to talk to me( makes me really mad and unappreciated). When i daydream i have so many things in mind i don't even know where to start. But it's mainly me having a boyfriend that cares about me and loves me.
And you how are feeling today?
I'm at the library rn and just saw a cute guy😁 i don't even know why am i saying this😭
@schrodingerscattt dw your very young, focus on studies right now, cause that's what's important to you. Yep! Stop looking at the cute guy!!!😂😂 I'm glad your feeling a bit more optimistic today. Try to keep focusing on good, and not on what could go wrong. I know that's not easy with your past. Ok one more look at the cute guy😁 how cute is he????
@Tinywhisper11 you know I strongly believe that you will get everything you want in life, I really do believe that. So yes focus, and only look at the cute guy, once it twice more. Maybe flick your hair, and bat your eyelashes.. No no! Focus must focus on studying
@Tinywhisper11
Yes, yes trying to keep focused😂
And today is the only day i wore make up😭 lucky day
@Tinywhisper11
Yeah i'll try my best to focus on the bright side of things and try to give less energy to my negative thoughts.
He's sitting on my left side😭He's like 3 chairs awayyyyy. Can't concentrate😂
@schrodingerscattt oooo! Your wearing makeup. Maybe it's a sign🤔🤔🤔 3 chairs away🤔🤔🤔🤔 you should make a move. Maybe run his leg with yours under the table🤔🤔🤔 or drop your pencil by him, bend down to get it showing off your girl things make sure you look him in the eyes
@schrodingerscattt no no I mean study... But it might be a sign
I'm not brave enough for that😭 He went away anyways. I'm seriously so sad right now
@schrodingerscattt
But at least i can study better now😂
I don't remember if i told you what i study, but well i'll still say it. I study economics and mathematics and it's so hard. But i kinda have some regrets because i wish i took another major. I wasn't really prepared to make a good decision yk. But well economics are not that bad after all.
Sometimes i just wish it was easier. Like the workload is immense! The library is my second home now. I spend there almost all the days of the week. But i'm not complaining😁it's pretty nice and the building is so big and pretty! But sometimes it can be loud. I am easily distracted by loud noises.
And also wanted to say if you wanna vent or say something you can do this. I am here and i will listen. I'm not gonna lie i feel kinda bad because i feel like i'm only talking about myself. But well due to my upbringing i never really learned how to properly communicate with people so i'm learning.
@schrodingerscattt economics and maths😮😮😮😮😮 good luck😕 oh I thought library's were supposed to be quiet? Maybe that was in the past. I like talking about you ❤❤ I wanna be here for you, cause you really deserve love and kindness in your life ❤❤ and yeah. I never actually had a conversation with anyone for 18 years. So I'm still learning to communicate too. We can learn together ❤ last night after I messaged you last, I went to sleep. It's quiet here since all the other residents left😞 I'm a bit lonely to be honest, and when I'm alone I tend to overthink, and it's not good for my brain. But I'll be ok ❤
@Tinywhisper11 all the other residents here have gone home with their families for xmas and new years. When I think to much I get depressed. And it's not easy to get passed memories, I know you understand that ❤ it's like I can't escape them sometimes, I mean even my body, well I only have half a body left, and it's covered in burns and whip marks and rude words cut in my body. I just can't escape my memories sometimes😞 but anyways I'm on here now and I'm not going to think😁
Hi. I don't really wanna talk right now to be honest. I self harmed again and my head hurts so much. Right now i am just crying so mcuh i can barelay see the keyboard. I just wanna be alone
So a bit of an update. My head still hurts badly but i took a pill so hope it will get better. Now i'm just gonna try to have a good sleep and wake up rather early. Tomorrow i will call my psychologist to tell her what happened. I feel bad about what i did to myself but i was feeling so bad. And healing is so much harder than i thought. I also tend to want to isolate in these moments so i'm trying not do so because it actually makes things worse. I seriously don't know how you're doing it. You're so so strong for holding on and be such a wonderful person. The world needs more amazing people like you. I get the loneliness part so much! And yeah the more you're alone the more you think and all these thoughts can be so negative right? I have no one to celebrate christmas or the new year with so i won't but we can probably cheer each other up. I thought about watching a christmas movie but i seriously can't. There's just such a huge difference between the movie and how i feel inside so in the end it makes me feel worse because all these people in the movie are happy but not me.
I wanna try to fix my sleeping schedule and go for more walks to be more in nature, it really helps. Especially where i live it's sunny all the time so the walks are really enjoyable tho a bit lonely🥹(but i try to listen to podcasts)
@schrodingerscattt hugs you tightly ❤ kisses your head better. Yes tell your psychologist what happened to day. It's ok to not celebrate xmas, like I said there will be other celebrations when your well enough. Walks in nature sounds a great idea ❤❤ it's ok to want to be alone and not talk sometimes, I understand that. And yes healing is a hard journey, but your doing so very well. Im proud of you ❤❤ I've just woke up gonna drink me coffee ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
Hi!! Thank you so much! I am so happy to read your message! I decided to completely cut ties with my parents today so hope it will help me to heal faster. I just can't continue talking to them after everything they did to me. Low contact was ok but it still required me to make some efforts so no, i am just done with them. I wanna forget their existence altogether. I don't know why but i wish i didn't have a past yk. Like i hate it and don't wanna have memories from it. I already deleted all my childhood pictures to don't have this reminder and now i just wanna throw away all my personal items from when i was a kid. I just don't wanna have any reminders. I might regret this later but i really feel like throwing all these items.
@schrodingerscattt
Also i hope you're doing ok today. i really really wanna be a good friend to you. I might not always succeed tho because i am so frustrated with the things that are happening around me i cannot be my usual happy and joyful self and i don't really have the energy to properly communicate with you. But i'm sincerely trying💗
@schrodingerscattt I'm doing ok ❤ don't worry about me🙂 and you are a good friend to me, we will always be friends ❤❤ but right now your a friend in need, and as your best friend I'm right by your side ❤❤I love you ❤❤
@schrodingerscattt I say throw it all, I have nothing from my past. Although toys if you got any toys you loved, keep them ❤that's a very brave decision, I'm proud of you. You've been hurt so bad you don't need any more stress and pain, from connecting with your family and holding on to the past. Just another week, then we will be in 2024, a new year a new start ❤❤gives you a giant tiny hug, let's you know you don't have to do this alone, I'm right here with you always ❤ how is your head?
@Tinywhisper11
Thank youuuu💗 my head is a bit better thanks to the pill. I am just trying to process all these hard emotions right now but it's so tough. I've been holding on to the pain for way too long i think. And i also think i should stop being sad over who i used to be but instead create anew version of myself that i like! I am happy that it is soon the new year. This year has been so hard for me but some nice and even amazing things happened! The amazing thing is meeting you😁💗 You are restoring my hope in friendships!!! And in people in general. I'm so glad to know that there are some amazing people out here!
@schrodingerscattt awww I love you ❤ we've both seen the bad the evil, but I believe there is way more good people than bad. Just their sometimes hard to find. And yep that sounds great, a new year a new life. Let's make 2024 the year to remember ❤ and we'll do it together ❤ do you have a bucket list??
Yesss!! We'll do it together💗 It's gonna be our year💖
Yeah i do have a bucket list. For now it's to heal from the pain, develop a better self esteem, become more confident and i also really wanna learn programming. I was always so interested in that and i let my dad's negative opinion on this get to me and didn't try it so now i wanna try it, because it matters to me and so it's very important. I think that's it for now. Oh and go on more walks outside, talk to people more and fix my sleeping schedule. That's already a lot of stuff to do right?😁
And you, do you have a bucket list or any new or cool things that you wanna do this upcoming year?
@schrodingerscattt programming! I'm not sure what that is, but yes you should definitely do thatm , I think this year's bucket list for you sounds do able 😁❤
My list realistic goals🤔🤔🤔 I don't know
unrealistic goals, skinny dipping, going to the seaside, and being in top of a tall mountain, and seeing a waterfall in the forest😁
@Tinywhisper11 I'm gonna be going to bed now ❤ maybe we can think of my bucket list together ❤ hugs you goodnight ❤❤
@Tinywhisper11
That would be so great! I'm up to this❤️ hugs you back❤️
@Tinywhisper11
So programming is basically creating computer programs. Always has been interested in technology 😁
Wow that's such cool goals! I've always wanted to see a waterfall in a forest!! It looks so beautiful on picture I bet it will look magical in real life. And I actually live by the sea side. I am so accustomed to it now 😂 I can show you some pics of how it looks like. 
I used to love going there and read a book but now I don't go out much hence me talking earlier to go out more. But it almost never is that empty, it's usually so full of people😂
@schrodingerscattt
Ohh I forgot about the mountain. I've always wanted to go on top of a mountain too! But I'm not athletic at all😂 so that would be very hard
@schrodingerscattt wow! That photo is beautiful😍 I live about a 35-45 minute drive from the beach. 3 hours by my automobile ♿♿😁 but I don't leave the care home. I'm not brave enough yet. I'm not sure if I'm actually allowed🤔🤔🤔 computer programme making? What is a computer programme??
@Tinywhisper11
Oh you live near a beach! That's great. I often times forgot that the Uk has beaches too after all😭 a computer program is basically a sequence of different commands or instructions that you write yourself and then the computer performs it. And there's basically so many different programming languages 😭
Hi! We haven't talked in a while and I hope you're doing OK. ❤️❤️❤️
@schrodingerscattt sorry it was Xmas yesterday. So I wasn't really in here much ❤ you better start getting fit... Cause your either pushing or carrying me up the mountain 😁
how was your day yesterday?? And today? Is the library open for you this time of year? Did you throw things away after?? What about sleeping? Do you eat ok?
gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤ squeezes you tightly ❤
@Tinywhisper11
It's ok. You don't have to be sorry for this. I felt so lonely during Christmas and didn't celebrate at all.
That's a lot of questions 😂 so yeah the library is open and that is so great! I'm in the library while writing this btw. And I haven't seen this cute guy since😭 I think I might never see him again. Ohhhhhh girlllllllll I just saw him!!!!!!! The second I was writing about it!!!!! Ahhhhhh I am blushing!!!!!! I need to calm down. I am smiling like an idiot rn
@schrodingerscattt
Sooo he is sitting like right in front of me. Damn. I need to concentrate 😭 so otherwise I'm feeling kinda bad. I feel so alone and betrayed and miserable but hey there's a cute guy sitting in front of me and that's a win. And I also have an amazing bestie❤️ you're really the best
@schrodingerscattt ok stop smilling like a stalker 😂😂😂😂😂 and say hi. Or maybe ask if he had a spare pen you can borrow.❤ I know you wasn't looking forward to Xmas and feeling alone and betrayed , well you have every right to. But don't worry it's over now, almost a new year a new start remember? ❤ 2024 is gonna be out year 😁 ❤ biggg huggs. I love you ❤ have a great day ❤
@Tinywhisper11
I wanna make a move on him so bad but asking for a pen? I can't😭 I'm way to socially anxious for this. And what if he has a girlfriend already? Why am i investing myself so much in this 😭 It's bringing back some joy to my life. And he looks so much like a famous actor i know. He has the same pretty blond hairrrr. New crush alert! And i was just thinking that it has been a long time since i didn't have a crush😂 I don't know if i'm talking too much about him but when i have a crush i start thin king about only them.
Yes, yes, yes it will be our year!! We will have an amazing year! And looking back 2023 taught me some good life lessons so it was not wasted after all.
Update. I was looking at him almost the whole time😭 He's so my type physically and it's so rare for guys here to look like this. I am so tired. I studied an hour and am exhausted. I am scared I will actually collapse due to the pressure. I don't know what to do. I am feeling mentally exhausted. I am so hurt and my traumas won't leave me alone😭