I have AvPD

I understand the feeling. I would recommend finding a person like you. That's what I've done. It's really really difficult, but it's also entirely worth it. Good luck<3

Hi @thesnail !

From your post, I notice a lot of frustration and disappointment?it?s not easy to come to terms with having a personality disorder. Though I cannot say I know what it?s like to have Avoidant Personality Disorder, I have some experience with dealing with a chronical pain illness that will simply be with me for as long as I live. It won?t go away and some days just thinking about it makes me feel extremely sad and like I have no control over my life?over myself.

I can?t promise you it will get better, and I can?t promise you that it won?t either. In my experience, it helps to take it day by day and force myself to see and appreciate my little victories. Your will to face this is another important part on not letting your diagnosis become stronger than the person you are; and by what I read here it seems like you have a very strong will and have been coping to the best of your capacities at this moment. That is a huge step (together with the fact that you are taking the decision to reach out for help too!), so I?d say you have made some pretty good progress. It might be a little far from where you want to be but let?s appreciate the baby steps for a moment J

And about people dealing with the same issue, I know my middle sister has AvPD. From what she tells me, finding this diagnosis was actually really helpful for her to come to terms with herself and it made it easier for her to explains to others what its like for her. Often, she would use quotes, books, characters and videos to tell me how she is feeling or what she needs rather than be direct about it. To support her, we have done some research ourselves and kind of tried to be more aware of things. Within the last few months (since she started reaching out for help), she has done some great progress and I could not be more proud of her courage to reach out for help. This does not mean our relationship is perfect or that she is ?cured?, but she?s happier than I could ever remember her being and that has to count for something right?

Lastly I would like to leave you some resources here, I?m not sure if you have checked them out before or not but I?ve found them really informative and useful.

This is a website for people with AvPD(it contains life stories, useful links, support groups and other resources).

This is an informative page for people who support family or friends with AvPD or other personalitydisorders, but it also contains links to support forums, glosaries and other cool things.

Best wishes,

Iara

Personality disorders have become a controversial subject in recent psychology and research, because you're right, labeling these disorders as such suggests that they are static and unchanging, in much the same way that personality is considered static and unchanging. However, as a construct, one's personality simply describes the general quality of his/her cognitions, affect, and behaviour across different environments (occupational, interpersonal, leisure, etc.). Each of these can be directly modified through therapy that teaches skills specific to the individual's concerns - modifying maladaptive thoughts and behaviours, developing good interpersonal communication, regulating emotions, etc. Cognitive behaviour therapy, interpersonal skills therapy, and dialectical behaviour therapy would all be helpful forms of treatment for both acute disorders related to thoughts and emotions (depression, anxiety, PTSD, etc.) and more chronic conditions, such as is observed in personality disorders. For more chronic issues, it takes more time and practice, but a better quality of life can be achieved with the guidance of expert professional care. In which case, if the symptoms of a personality disorder can eventually be alleviated so that the individual functions within normal parameters, then is it really a disordered personality at all? That is where the controversy lies, and also why some professionals might be very hesitant to make this kind of diagnosis. But it doesn't mean that there isn't help for your concerns, or hope for a better quality of life.

As far as I am aware, most psychiatrists use the medical model of psychological disorders, often opting to treat symptoms with medication. A psychologist or psychotherapist, however, is trained to teach you the skills necessary so that you can better manage your intrapsychic and interpersonal experiences, achieving more long-term relief from symptoms. Sometimes it is most helpful to combine medication (e.g., anti-anxiety medication) while learning skills so that you're in a better frame of mind when confronting new challenges through therapy (e.g., practicing new skills while in different anxiety-provoking situations). All of this can be discussed with a qualified healthcare professional. I wish you the best of luck!