A Borderline Relationship Story

My name is Chris. I am 34 years old. And I would like to share a brief story of my relationship with a BPD person.

I met Alexandra 5 years ago online. She had an almost magical intensity that strongly appealed to me. We talked for hours every day and quickly became best friends despite living in different countries. Most of our early conversations centered on a relationship she had in which she felt abused by her previous boyfriend who made unwelcomed sexual advances, was physically violent, lied and abandoned her. Alexandra told me she found immense comfort in talking to me and soon started to refer to me as her best friend and big brother.

There were some red flags from the very beginning. Alexandra lied about where she was from, where she studied and a few other personal details. She brought up indirect sexual remarks that seemed somewhat out of place. She also seemed to struggle a lot. Health issues, family conflicts, friendships that went from intimacy and respect one week to distance and disregard the following week.

As I got to know Alexandra over the years, I was constantly surprised how the stories from her past constantly evolved and changed as she re-told them. A former friend who tried to rape her would suddenly become a good person who did not do any harm. A physically abusive father would suddenly become a wonderful dad. An emotionally unstable mother who made her cry every day would become her closest friend.

Alexandra was very intense sexually. Almost every day I felt pressured to have sex regardless of what I was doing. Whether I was doing work or was in a meeting and regardless of how many hours I spent with her that day, she almost demanded attention and sex on a daily basis. She habitually faked orgasms as she admitted later. While the sex was wonderful and intense, something about it felt unsatisfying. Her kisses were almost robotic as if she was completing a task. She had vaginal pain and would sometimes physically shake before or during intercourse.

As time went on, the problems in the relationship seemed to snowball. She would habitually lie about people she had met and the nature of her relationships. It was common for her to admit months later after some pressure from me that she was sexually involved with various people. Once she even showed her vagina to one of my good friends and only admitted it after the friend told me what had done.

In addition to the lying and cheating behavior, Alexandra became more and more emotionally unstable. She would accuse me of ruining her studies or career although I spent many hours supporting her and helping her with everything she did and celebrating her every accomplishment. She would often say she felt cold inside or that she was very anxious. She would explode at people at work or disassociate from friends. She also had distinct OCD tendencies.

On at least 3 occasions Alexandra threatened suicide, and one time she made a suicide threat and disappeared. I had to call the police to check on her. When she was at home with parents, it always seemed to result in conflict to the point where she was considering escaping and starting a new life elsewhere.

In the end, her anger turned on me. She betrayed me many times and put me in dangerous situations to the point of trying to actively destroy my life by telling hurtful lies to people I knew.

The only reason this relationship lasted almost 5 years is that I genuinely loved Alexandra and at times I would see glimpses of the beautiful, passionate, intense would I had met. But those glimpses no longer lasted. In the end, after Alexandra threatened me, I decided to end the relationship and break all ties. It was a difficult decision but one I should have made much earlier on.

I am sharing this story in the hope that those who do have BPD will understand how their actions affect the people who care for them. If you have BPD, please see a therapist and continue with long-term therapy. If you are in a relationship with a BPD person and feel completely confused and betrayed, the first step is to understand what your partner is dealing with and to encourage them to seek therapy or decide to end the relationship before it turns your life upside down.