Any tips for dealing with intense friendships?
Hi, Im new here and not 100% sure how it works but hopefully Im posting in the right place.
Over the years Ive noticed Im prone to developing really intense (non romantic) friendships with people, like I become obsessed with them and will think about them constantly. Like if Im in a shop Ill notice things theyll like. This has happened over the years with about 5 different people and they end up as the worst friendships where I just let myself be walked all over/ end up obsessing about how long they take to reply to messages and get intensely jealous of their other friends. How long a certain person takes to reply can affect my whole mood and outlook on life at that time. I know its really unhealthy but its like I cant break these patterns.
But its not romantic feelings, I am happily in a relationship. Its just like obsessive friendships I get into. Has anyone else experienced this before or have any tips/ advice on how to break the cycle?
@SlothDog I haven't been quite where you are but from your post I'd say one step to consider is asking what you've been seeking from these friendships. Is there something in common with these people or how these friendships progressed/ended/etc. that all share? Is there something in particular you've been looking for from these people?
I've seen someone on what might have been the flip side of this, where she said that she had groups of friends throughout school but something always happened and she lost them. At the time I didn't understand and said that she was in a new place now, so it could be different. In the end, it still ended badly, although she's still in touch with some friends. She was someone who was intense, but not quite in the way like you describe--she was emotionally needy and hated being alone. There's more to it but I don't think she ever realized this was a huge turn-off for people and they eventually got tired of it (at least, from what I saw).
I'm not saying this scenario applies but I wonder if there's something in common with these friendships that might help you understand why this keeps happening. Good luck!
@ReadBooksDrinkTea
Thanks so much for your reply. Yeah when I think about it I do have a fear of abandonment so I think I need the constant reassurance of someone messaging me all the time to feel safe in our friendship.
I also grew up with a twin sister who I was really close to. So I think Im so used to having someone who is there for me all the time. And sometimes I cant always stop myself to go wait this isnt healthy.
@SlothDog
Hello there,
admittedly this is quite the assumption now, but you might want to look up the term "favorite person" in connection with bpd. Maybe by googling that you'll also find some tips or strategies for dealing with that kind of thing.
I remember I also did a daily check-in on that topic a while ago, THIS should be the link. In my initial post you'll find another link to an article I found... which you might or might not find useful. You'll see I guess. 
@suBSea Thank you so much for your reply. The concept of a ‘favourite person
@SlothDog
All good hun, I'm glad I was on the right track with this! 
