BPD and venting...

Browse listeners under keyword REED321 and send a message and I'll reply.

I have a blog where I write (type) everything. No one I know knows about it so I don't have to worry about anyone knowing what I'm thinking or what I'm up to. My husband is actually very good at listening and being supportive, but there are things I don't even want to talk to him about. Sometimes I go back and read my blog and I am ashamed, proud, disgusted, etc. but it's interesting to see how much my moods vary over time.

Hi, I'm 46. In a relationship for the last 12 years and I have 3 children. I have consistently picked abusive relationships, sexually but mostly emotionally. I'm stuck in a country where I don't speak the language and have been pretty much confined to the house for the entire 12 years ( I've been out socially 3 times ). My current partner gets angry if I don't entertain him every night and will goad me until he makes me cry. His favourite is to say " you're mentally ill, so your feelings and anything you say can't be trusted" and to imply I'm a bad mother. When he isn't around I'm perfectly happy. I'm sick of him using my illness as an excuse to abuse me. Yes, I'm ill, but that doesn't mean he's not an abuser.

~~I wish I knew, I wish I knew if I did in fact have BPD or am I just saying the symptoms match, here is what I do know the professionals can?t agree. This is the problem, do you fit your symptoms to match those of the disorder or do you in fact have the disorder, I would like to know. There are things that make perfect sense to me, things that I wonder why I did what I did, but know that is part of BPD. I am not sure I have started to do some serious actions that I have never done before and I don?t know if it is because that is part of this disorder or if it is because I think I have it so I do what is normal for the diagnosis. I know this doesn?t make a lot of sense but we know that our subconscious has some crazy ideas and makes us do what would not be normal. Long story short I have no idea what to do about my diagnosis, if it is in fact the correct one and the professionals I see are not helping. Ok my rant is over.

I have an online blog set to private and I use it as my venting place, it really helps to be able to blow up about things and not keep them in especially because I live alone and have nobody to talk to about anything