Calling on Men with BPD
Without emphasizing special interest groups, I would like to invite all men with this diagnosis to the conversation. I encourage you all to share your stories and experiences.
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Well I don't know to what extent I have BPD but i find it makes it hard for me to trust people and my partners included even though there is no logical reason for such mistrust. I get overwhelmed a lot and tend to have mood swings which arent really explainable but often related to my girlfriend. Like if she doesn't text me i start thinking crazy things or if I see or read something that talks about cheating or relationships. I find a way to relate it back to ours. I often find myself in a depressive incapable state and often think of the final solution. Hope this has some insight but im not sure.
@jabbathehut
Thank you so much for sharing. I wrote this post with the fact in mind that most BPD populations consist primarily of women, so I am curious to understand the way this illness presents itself in men. I encourage you to continue sharing and I thank you for your input.
I am sorry you see so much struggle within your relationships. Unfortunately, I think that is a very real fact and struggle for many living with this illness. I appreciate the honesty you used here. Is your girlfriend understanding and supportive?
I am a male diagnosed with BPD and it's very hard because I'm good at making it seem like it's under control when it's not. I have been to the hospital and there were only 2 boys including me on the DBT hall so I did notice the marginalization of us two. I enjoyed it quite more though after previously being on a boys only hall. It was good to have people who go through what you go through with you at the hospital because you could learn from them. I've met only a few other males diagnosed with BPD and I don't feel like I can relate to them as much as the girls. I am however genderqueer and don't fully identify as a man so I don't know if that factors in at all but idk. Adding gender and sexuality to the mix makes it so much worse lol
@waterdude125
I always wondered the benefits of grouping together people who are unwell in a similar way. For a long time I felt it counterproductive to put people struggling with drugs and alcohol with other addicts. I felt similarly about the psych hospital. Until I went to one and realized the power of simply relating to someone as lost as you and knowing you are far from alone in this world. I will never forget that experience or the people I met along the way. 
(Edited by blitheSun94 for word choice)
I'm a 20 year old male. 2 years ago I started medicine. after a year, I quit and then moved on to being a salesman and then to a fitness instructor.(I did a certification during college) and now I'm a designer and animator(photoshop/adobe after effects and s***). I want to quit and start my own company. I keep moving from career path to career path and I don't think I'll ever be satisfied with what I do.
I have a very bad compulsion to lie. I keep lying and lying and lying. it never stops. And many of them I believe myself. And when I get a fear that no one really knows me, I confess some of the lies and that's when they stop trusting me. My father neglected me my whole life which is probably why I have BPD. but I've told people that he abused me and tried to murder me which are obviously lies which I believed myself.
I spend recklessly and gamble. and I keep putting myself into huge debts that I know I can't repay. So I steal or commit fraud. I can be very creative in making money as well as losing it.
I am a thrill seeker. I do parkour and almost got myself killed multiple times. when I got my license I got into 2 accidents in a span of 2 months and now my license is suspended, a month later I started riding my motorbike and got into an accident a week into riding. So that didn't really work out. I don't know how I'm still alive.
I never had thoughts of suicide and never really cut myself. But I go through depression and I cry uncontrollably.
I have ADHD too.
I don't think we can ever really fall in love. I have had quite a few relationships and I loved them intensely. But just like my career path. I can never really stay with one person. I wonder if it will be different falling for someone with BPD.
My values and goals all keep changing. I don't really know who I am. but I feel like i can read others very well.
I get bored very easily and when I'm alone, I make faces to myself, start dancing to entertain myself, dry humping a pillow if I'm bored and horny. I am a heterosexual I think but I kissed a few guys. I even sucked a dude's d***.( I got some h*** too)
No one really knows I have BPD. I just found out 2 days ago. Only one other person knows about it. I feel like telling everyone so that they can feel pity towards me.
I had a surgery 3 months ago for my leg.(i injured myself during football) and thats when i started really noticing that something is off about me. but the symptoms were always there. but it drastically increased post surgery.
FYI this is my first forum post.
I have a question. Have any of you fallen in love with someone with BPD? What's it like?
It excites me that I'm crazy.
@NatsuDragneel
I deeply appreciate your honesty! This insight is exactly what I was looking for by starting this post. It sounds like your life has had a lot of ups and downs which is certainly a hallmark of BPD. I used to stare in the mirror just to be sure I exist. This is an extremely difficult and misunderstood diagnosis and goes on to affect all of our relationships including the one with ourself. Learning who you are outside your symptoms is one of the most difficult tasks one can take on in life, but it is possible. I have regained my sense of self by taking back the thing depression and paranoia stole from me. What do I love? What are my interests? What do I value? What are my likes and dislikes? What are my needs in a relationship with another person? Who am I? These are all very deep seated questions that can take years to explore. I find it requires a certain maturity to truly hold yourself accountable and make meaningful changes toward wholeness. Admitting your short comings and detecting your harmful patterns is the first step in this direction.
Thank you for sharing.
My favorite quote on the topic comes from Girl, Interrupted: Very easily the most poignant cinematic portrayal of BPD for our generation-
Dr. Wick: "Quis hic locus?, quae regio?, quae mundi plaga? What world is this?... What kingdom?... What shores of what worlds? It's a very big question you're faced with, Susanna. The *choice* of your *life*. How much will you indulge in your flaws? What are your flaws? Are they flaws?... If you embrace them, will you commit yourself to hospital?... for life? Big questions, big decisions! Not surprising you profess carelessness about them."
I have bpd
@Dercellist
Welcome! You are safe here.
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I have BPD, but I've also got a lot of other stuff going on so it's kinda hard to say what's causing what anymore. I have really bad mood swings, especially when it comes to ppl. Well, majority of my problems are with ppl... I'm constantly afraid of being left on my own, yet I find it really hard to trust anyone. Or communicate with ppl half the time. Open up about stuff and all that. Yet, if someone doesn't respond to me quick enough etc, my mind directly goes to no one really giving a crap. I try to practice logical thinking, but that tends to lose against emotions most the time.
It feels like I live in this constant state of needing ppl in my life but feeling I don't deserve them, if that makes any sense. But yeah, ppl, friends and relationships are complicated.
@OneErased
That makes a lot of sense hun... and I'd say what you nailed pretty well is that there always seem to be a bunch of opposing thoughts going on all at once, so I guess it's like... no matter which direction or which thought you follow, it never really feels right, cause there's a nagging voice in the back of your head telling you to do the exact opposite of no matter what you're doing 
. And yup it's not easy to really listen to logic... like, even for me, guess who wins if it's logic vs. emotion.
But I'm keeping my fingers crossed you're gonna figure it out eventually. I mean, look at you, you're already right in the middle of it!! 
By becoming more active here, writing posts like this one, being super spot-on with everything (although it contains opening up about personal stuff^^)... so you're real good at challenging yourself and like, trying to change things.
That's really quite something my dear! 
Don't lose patience, you're doing great!
@blitheSun94
Hello! I will share the story of how I got my borderline diagnosis.
From a very young age I knew I was borderline, (age 13-14 is when I figured it out). And I would bring this up to doctors and they would say yeah it kind of fits but you're too young to diagnose and we don't diagnose under 18. And so after an overdose in 2018 that landed me in the psych ward, I brought it up again to the APRN and she agreed with me and gave me the diagnosis.
I present pretty traditionally, I fit all of the criteria. I get impulsive, I get blindingly angry, I get depressed, my emotions change like the weather. It's pretty frightening at times, but it is what it is and that's my life.
Hi all,
Im a 49 year old guy that was diagnosed with BPD. I think a lot of the reason why some men are diagnosed is if they were abused early in life, leading to insecurities later in life. Whenever I make new friends, they sometimes label me as "needy" or "insecure" and I'm very demanding in friendships -- like If I text someone if they don't reply within a day I will go absolutely crazy and think they are mad at me or hate me. But I've learned from training that you have to rely on FACTS and not your emotions and 9 times out of 10 the person would have a perfectly logical explanation for not texting or calling me back, or doing things with me. Even after all these years, it's a daily learning process. I too, wish BPD would get more attention from doctors/psychiatrists.
Clover77
Thank you all for sharing.
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