Fear of abandonment (BPD patients)
This is what bothers me a lot. Like, I'm a rollercoaster and I think that nobody can stay a friend with me or have a normal friendship/relationship with me, so I always need someone.
Today, I told my bestie not to talk to some other kid because I was scared that my bestie will leave me. Even if I knew she will definitely come back, I just didn't let it. I don't know. It's bothering me all the time.
My experiences with that are really sucky.
People maybe create a stigma for this, but I manipulate others with killing myself or hurting myself in some way. That's how they won't leave me. But it's not my conscious choice, to do that. It's some kind of fear, and it's awful.
I just want to hear your experiences. I think that the best "therapy" for us, BPD patients, is actually letting things go. Letting everything just go. But it's hard, hard as f**k.
I'm not sure how I got to this point in my life but every single relationship I have with a man if they try to leave or do end up leaving I literally get depressed and massive anxiety . The guy could be so horrible to me but I still fight and apologize even if I'm not wrong jst to keep them around . recently I guy I was dating just randomly out of the blue started ignoring my texts and calls, for someone to leave ur life with NO explanation is a crazy feeling for me especially the person that I am this is literally killing me. I've stopped eating and leaving my room and jst been in bed for the last couple of days trying to figure out what I've done wrong . How did develop this need to have someone at all times , why do i feel so abandon over every single relationship I'm in . I do not know myself without a man and I don't know how to be happy or be alone
I'm so scared to death of my boyfriend leaving me. We've been together for 2 years but he's sick of my angry lashing out and my self harm. When theres any feeling of him leaving me I can't control myself I go crazy and then I have complete depression when he's gone. I'm pretty sure at this point he's mostly with me because of threats or what happens to me. I dont know what to do. I hate trapping him but I can't stand him leaving me. I honestly think death would be preferably I walk around in a disassociated state when were fighting or have broken up.
I also want and need to be alone, otherwise I feel over stimulated and smothered.
I have so been there! Idk what advice to give you, but just know you are not alone. Its scary as hell to think of people going away.