Fear of abandonment (BPD patients)
This is what bothers me a lot. Like, I'm a rollercoaster and I think that nobody can stay a friend with me or have a normal friendship/relationship with me, so I always need someone.
Today, I told my bestie not to talk to some other kid because I was scared that my bestie will leave me. Even if I knew she will definitely come back, I just didn't let it. I don't know. It's bothering me all the time.
My experiences with that are really sucky.
People maybe create a stigma for this, but I manipulate others with killing myself or hurting myself in some way. That's how they won't leave me. But it's not my conscious choice, to do that. It's some kind of fear, and it's awful.
I just want to hear your experiences. I think that the best "therapy" for us, BPD patients, is actually letting things go. Letting everything just go. But it's hard, hard as f**k.
I'm sorry you're struggling with it,hugs! I struggle with it too. I have a massive phobia that my loved ones will die. I will get angry at them for just being human! I make plans to end my life. I'm so selfish that I'd rather die before everyone so I don't have to deal with their death.
I play mind games and see how far I can push people. I don't know how my bf copes with it. I'm scared that I'm verging on being abusive :(.
yeh i too have this issue with abandonment as well. it makes my relationships so stressful to me. i dont have many friends because i dont want anyone to get close to me, in this thought that i cant trust them because they will leave me or not love/like me enough. so i keep people at a distance. keep em acquaintances. and my relationship with my gf is a nightmare. i feel sick to my stomach almost every day. if things arent perfect, i feel like im in hell. any little fight ruins my entire confidence in our love. when things are good, i feel great and so in love with her.. but honestly, it cant be perfect all the time. and i wish i could just roll with the punches. and not give a crap. not give a crap if she leaves me. at all. who cares...!! but unfortunately, the thought tortures me. i dont kno how to get over it. being single was so much easier.
I guess I have a weird type of BPD .. You see I want to be alone I never feel lonely in fact I feel smothered by my family and relatives ... I need alone time like I need air to breathe ...
I want and need to be alone. But then I feel isolated. I've withdrawn from friendships and choose isolation but then I feel abandoned. My psychiatrist has gone on maternity leave and my therapist is now on holiday for 3 weeks and my regular listener is away on business. I feel everyone has abandoned me in one go and there's no one to talk to.
I have a fear of abandonment in the sense that I'm so afraid that I'll scare people away or become a nuisance to them, that I will actually push them away in an attempt for them to stay, because I fear they'll turn around and shout at me to "get lost". Because of this, I actually had a difficult time communicating my thoughts and feelings to someone I trusted and found myself in a dark place.
I have lost a couple of friends due to my BPD.One because of my last suicide attempt, she just couldn't handle it anymore. The other, she was my best friend for almost seven years, and one day, she just... completely dropped me. I was completely devastated and angry over both of these occurences.
At this point, I'm not sure I'll ever be able to have normal friendships, let alone a romantic relationship.
i'm struggling with this too.i live in constant fear that my loved ones will leave me (in my past, most of the people left (for many different reasons but something keeps telling me that it's my fault..) )
i feel like as soon as people really know/see me, they will leave me.
i try to let that fear go and i try not to cling onto people, but either i do that or i feel like i have to live lonely and all by myself forever. it's hard to find a compromise between those two..
I ended up in the hospital in part because a friend wasn't texting me back and showing enough concern when I was severely depressed. And this person was a close friend at one time, but then he had to back off (for good reasons) and I just couldn't handle it. I'm very much an all or nothing person. If someone isn't there the way I need them to be I push them away and out of my life completely. And it's irrational and I know it, but I do it anyway. I don't FEEL like I fear abandonment because I distance myself emotionally from most people. I won't admit that I need someone. My kids and parents are the exceptions. I become distraught when I even think about something happening to any of them.
Hey everyone.
Hahah if you're asking me what I fear the most is being abandoned and being judged by people. I'm really sensitivewith words and I don't know what's going on with me. Good responds from others can make me really extremely happy and when people get mad or giving me bad responds, it makes me feel like it's all because of me, I'm not being good enough and I take all the blame hahah.
I really miss the old me when I could do anything without thinking about others might think about me. The 'ME' right now is trying harder to make people love me so I won't be abandoned. I thought being happy-go-lucky, being the joker, being the centre of attentionmight help me to feel better but it only makes me hate myself even more, I don't feel like everyone knows the real me, and it makes me feelincredibly lonely. I don't know what I want and who I am anymore. It feels like I'm trapped into a deep hole, and I couldn't get out from there. Hahah.
I really hate myself for being furious and for making people at my house take all the blame for what I did in the outside, in the society. I hate myself, I can't control myself, I hate how angry I am at myself. Hahah.This is me, I'm a fake person, I fake everything most all the time. And nice to meet you all.
I experience this, but I find abusive relationships exacerbate this tendency.
When I cut the toxic people out, it made it a little easier. So now I only experience the separation anxiety and such with safe empathetic people :)
I have BPD and I have a fear of abandonment. I have seen a psychiatrist for 12 years on a weekly basis. My medication stopped working for me around June and then I lost my job in the first week of August. After losing my job my mental health went down fast and I started having severe mood swings. At the end of August I was hospitalized and while in there the psychiatrist I was seeing in the community faxed a letter there addressed to me saying that she is terminating my care because my behavior had escalated. For one thing my medication wasn't working for me and on top of that I am going through Peri-Menopause which caused my hormones to go everywhere during August. I feel abandoned, alone, lost, rejected and I am scared. The psychiatrist knew that I had abandonment issues and has reassured me a few times that she wouldn't do that. What a fool I was to believe her.
I wrote a piece on this a few months ago. It might provide some insight and, if nothing else, the knowledge that you are not alone.
Borderlines Engineer the Ending of the Very Relationships They Covet
Take care.
i do the same thing threating to kill myself when im ignored,over the weekend I threanted to drink rum and a old bottle of xanex I had to overdose on,then when I was out with my mother and sister i went from being fine to getting upset and saying im going to put myself in inpatient and bang my head on the wall till,I bleed out.i have trouble forming any relationships because i don,t really have anything to connect over with people I have been suicidal everyday for years until i got put on mood stablizers i wrote facebooks post condemning everyone for ignorning me,I unfriended everyone then deleted it and i was about to refriend everyone and tell them off no one listens to me any more and im pretty much wasting my time there im not suppose to go on or look up any mental health stuff because thats one of my ineffective behaviors.
i don,t blame people for not wanting to associate me i act like a emotionaly disturbted teenager.Hopefully if i keep going to dbt and practice the skills i will get better and be able to maintain some kind of healthy relationship.I am completley content and happy today but if you saw me last weekend you would of fought I ran out of a insane asylum and broke into to my condo.
Has anyone else gotten better because i feel like therapy is my only hope or im going to die a angry bitter hermit
