How do I approach my partner about their spending habits?
One of my partner’s biggest BPD symptoms seems to be really impulsive spending (on food, hobbies and etc.) while I as the half of us without BPD is almost (concerningly, maybe? Depends on who you ask,) frugal. We’re both disabled and on welfare supports because neither of us can hold down jobs out in public due to both physical and mental health reasons. While they like to shop and spend money for a reason that I believe is trying to fill up the void BPD brings (ie: retail therapy so to speak!) I will happily pay bills (cable, our current subscriptions, my half of rent—we even receive RGI), get my cat’s food and do groceries twice a month, they do groceries the other two times a month, but have not a whole lot after that to go towards anything else for either of us. Still, my partner will often ask me to help them out with smokes or energy drinks or this new make up palette they want to order because often times they’ve already spent all of their money, but know I have money left over and know I’m not an unkindly person. I want to start saying no, but how can I do this without being afraid they won’t split on me and I’m the worst person ever?
My partner also frequently remarks that we’re poor when I’m well aware we are, or will complain that they’re sick of being broke. I don’t know what to do anymore, because I refuse to act like their sugar daddy or whatever and just, keep letting them spend us broke to keep themselves happy or entertained, because even when they buy things they say they really want, they maybe use them for a day or two and then tire of it. Back in December I offered to buy us a Nintendo Switch because after my PS4 broke down they were begging me for a new console. I made the offer and we made a plan to buy one with part of a $600 relief cheque I was given, but as soon as it was about to happen they did a 180 and declined, even though that money was still never saved to pay off my credit card like I wanted to start having better control over again, and still got spent on bills/groceries/frivolous Amazon orders from my partner for themselves >.>
Try pointing out that both you have insufficient funds or what your budget is and why it's important, without being judgemental or demanding. You could also suggest a video game or RPG which simulated such spending. Something like animal crossing I'd a good idea!