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lavenderTalker9048
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts12 Forum upvotes10 Current upvotes10 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2021 Member sinceMarch 7, 2021
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28/Trans man

Recent forum posts
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Having trouble healing after breaking up.
Relationship Stress / by lavenderTalker9048
Last post
 August 25th, 2021
...See more I left my partner of two years after their BPD symptoms became too dangerous to be around for the sake of my own mental health, and in retrospect I’ve realized just what an immature, hateful, hurtful person they are and regardless of whether or not they have BPD. Something tells me they’d be the same towards people even without their diagnosis. They’re the kind of person that subscribes to the idea that it’s not their fault how people perceive them and that those perceptions aren’t real, that ‘it’s not my fault -my- actions hurt you, that’s on -you-‘ and I’m so frustrated because here I am with my heart ripped out while they continue to think it’s okay to be an asshole to people and have no consequences. I’ve even considered hook ups to numb the pain but I’m also demisexual so I can’t just be with -anyone-. My ex. also treated me like more of a parent (bc I was constantly having to clean up after them, our apartment was perpetually a disaster) while they got to act as childish as they wanted, so if I ever find anyone else I don’t want that. I want someone independent who can look after money properly too, even if they’re on welfare. My ex. and I are on welfare for disability, but she’d frivolously spend all of her money and then complain about being broke. She’d also yell and scream at me if I did something as simple as forget to wash dishes or put certain things in the wrong spots in the kitchen because my memory was shot from dealing with her behaviours. It got tiring as hell. I have no issues with people who can manage their BPD properly and medicate/do therapy as much as they need, but my ex. was also unmedicated and just wanted to be a lazy stoner, so unfortunately I don’t think I’ll ever date anyone with BPD again. I have wonderful friends with BPD that are healthier and medicate and do therapy, but sometimes I’m even skeptical we could ever date healthily now. I’m just, really sad and angry and lonely and my depression’s getting bad again. I put in a referral to see a counsellor via my doctor’s office IRL soon, but I’m struggling with holding on until then :
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I’m really scared.
Relationship Stress / by lavenderTalker9048
Last post
 March 14th, 2021
...See more My current partner (who has BPD and other mental as well as physical health issues,) has expressed that they want to move out of our apartment for their own place to better manage their health in, but I’m absolutely terrified that even though they say they want to stay together and that I’m the love of their life and they were once considering proposing to me, they could find someone else and break up with me, or worse, cheat. I don’t know how to make this anxious feeling stop. I want to trust them, but I really just...I don’t want to get my hopes up about us. I hate how bad this feels 😞
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How do I approach my partner about their spending habits?
Personality Disorders Support / by lavenderTalker9048
Last post
 March 11th, 2021
...See more One of my partner’s biggest BPD symptoms seems to be really impulsive spending (on food, hobbies and etc.) while I as the half of us without BPD is almost (concerningly, maybe? Depends on who you ask,) frugal. We’re both disabled and on welfare supports because neither of us can hold down jobs out in public due to both physical and mental health reasons. While they like to shop and spend money for a reason that I believe is trying to fill up the void BPD brings (ie: retail therapy so to speak!) I will happily pay bills (cable, our current subscriptions, my half of rent—we even receive RGI), get my cat’s food and do groceries twice a month, they do groceries the other two times a month, but have not a whole lot after that to go towards anything else for either of us. Still, my partner will often ask me to help them out with smokes or energy drinks or this new make up palette they want to order because often times they’ve already spent all of their money, but know I have money left over and know I’m not an unkindly person. I want to start saying no, but how can I do this without being afraid they won’t split on me and I’m the worst person ever?
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Hi,
Personality Disorders Support / by lavenderTalker9048
Last post
 March 20th, 2021
...See more I’m not sure I’m in the right place, but I’m the partner of someone who has BPD (I don’t have BPD myself, but I do have severe generalized anxiety disorder!) and while my partner and I love each other very much, more often than not my anxiety causes me to become terrified over any instance they may split on me, or just, generally get mad at me if I do something wrong. Most of their BPD episodes consist of anger and angry outbursts, which I have childhood trauma around. They’re the love of my life and I want things to get better between us, but I’m just not sure how to cope with their episodes without stepping away (and feeling guilty afterwards that I ‘couldn’t be there’ (my own words and thought process, not theirs!) Does anyone here have any strategies for coping with this??
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