How do I go about bringing concerns up to a therapist?
When I first started hearing about BPD I was very irritated by how much I could personally relate to it. However, I know it's a serious personality disorder and while I don't WANT to have it, I'm at a point in my life where I'm starting to suspect it.
I've always been terrified of abandonment and done stupid things to avoid it, have long, tortuous periods of time where nothing feels real, I'm terrified of everyone plotting against me and I'm always thinking about that happening, I engage in risky behaviors and SH and have for years, and I have a history of familial abuse, bullying, abandonment, etc.
I know BPD is pretty closely related to other disorders, and these symptoms don't mean I have it, but I don't know what else could be wrong with me. These online tests don't mean anything, but I was desperate and I took 3 different ones and the results showed a high likeliness. Again, I know that means nothing and I'm not gonna self-diagnose, especially on something this serious, but at this point I'm really worried about it and want to ask a professional for their opinion. I'm searching for a new therapist, hopefully one that's equipped to deal with personality disorders, but even then I don't know how to bring this sort of thing up. I don't want them to think I want to be diagnosed or that I'm self-diagnosing, I'm just stressed about this and want to know what they think.
The mood swings, empty feeling, not being real, and everything else is affecting me and my relationships. I'm terrified and desperate. Even if it were BPD I don't know what comes next. Any opinions?
@melsaloneagain I'm not an expert, but it seems to me that what comes next is the big question. Or rather, what do you want to come next?
If what you want is for your life not to be like this—no more severe mood swings, no more feeling empty and unreal, and so on—then I think it's possible any experienced therapist should be able to help you get there. But I suspect different therapists might take you along different routes to get to the same place.
For example, one therapist might say yes, this is BPD, and you need treatment with DBT, and you end up where you want to end up. But another therapist might come up with a different diagnosis and a different treatment, and you still end up where you want to end up.
I don't think you have to decide for yourself that you have a personality disorder, then find a personality disorder specialist, and get personality disorder treatment. I mean, that would work but I don't think it's the only route.
I notice you say "new therapist", which implies you've had a therapist who wasn't able to help in the way you need. It does sound like you need a serious therapist who provides actual treatment for psychiatric disorders, and not just (for example) someone who hands out lifestyle tips and coping strategies.
To answer the question you started with, how do you go about bringing concerns up to a therapist, I don't think it's going to be wrong or harmful to mention your thoughts about possible BPD, the online tests, and so on. If that's going to be too stressful, one way to get started would be to print your post above and hand it to the therapist.
Charlie
Thank you for your thoughts. I have had a therapist before but she always seemed confused by what I was saying and toned everything down to me "feeling nervous", which just made me feel even more lost and unheard.
I'm looking for a therapist that treats personality disorders along with other things so they would understand and be able to recognize if that was my problem, since not all therapists have dealt with those. So far I've found a few that seem promising, but are not that close to my area. They do provide online therapy services, but I'm not sure how different that would be to in-person therapy, especially since video calls make it hard to believe the person on the other end is even "real" for me.
I think I'm going to try to find a therapist with experience in depression and mood disorders closer to my area and show them my post after a couple sessions like you suggested. I might even show them my personal journal entries, since I've dealt with these issues for years. I've only recently come to terms with these symptoms even being a valid problem, so I'm honestly a bit scared to be diagnosed with anything cause I still deny it a bit lol
@melsaloneagain That sounds like a good plan.
The therapists I know (in real life, not on 7 Cups) always saw clients face-to-face in the past, but because of COVID-19 they have gone over to online video work. They have all been amazed to find that it's just as effective. The main problem they've found is that there has to be complete privacy at both ends.
I don't know if it will help, but there's an organization that accredits therapists who can demonstrate that they provide good treatment: The Academy of Cognitive and Behavioral Therapies. Even if none of them are suitable for you, one of them in your area might be able to point you to suitable colleagues.
From what you've written here I definitely agree that it's a valid problem.
Charlie
Thank you so much, you've been very kind and validating! There's no therapists near me on the organization you suggested, but I've found a couple that might be suitable on https://www.goodtherapy.org/
Somehow, I'm more relieved now that I've accepted I have issues lmao. I guess because I'm finally reaching out for help? Again, thank you for your support, hearing someone else tell me that my problems are valid and offering a way to get support really helped with my crappy mental state today. Hope you're doing alright too :)
@melsaloneagain It's good that you feel you have a way forward now.
Thank you, yes, I'm doing alright too. I'm only on a break and not doing chats here because I'm very busy with something else, which is looking like it will take another month or two to resolve.
Charlie
