How do I learn?

@Unikitty6770 Hey, I don't have a situation for your whole situation but one thing crossed my mind. I was wondering if it might have been suppressed or dissociated (split off) emotions that came through when you lost control. After all, Borderline and PTSD can both come with dissociation. This basically means you have the 4 parts body, surroundings, thoughts, and feelings and there can be a kind of secession at some point in any direction between those that can vary in quality and quantity. This is a self-protective mechanism that can allow us to function and take less emotional harm in traumatic situations or to just survive them physically or mentally but it can become pathological if it persists or reoccurs later on. Losing access to emotions is one of the most frequent forms and autism can make it additionally difficult to access emotions and act on them. The duct tape might as well symbolize unpleasant emotions and suffering locked inside of you and with suppressed emotions, it is similar to a water ball. The deeper they are pushed down, with the more force they will jump up and hit you in the face at some point (or lead you to do this to someone else). Often we still have emotions but we lost access to (part of) them. In this case, we need something that can open the drawer to where they are locked and function as a key. One thing I could really recommend here is working with something called emotion or mood wheels. You can find quite a few of them by google image search: https://www.google.de/search?q=emotion+wheel&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwi-yN6aubD4AhWBh_0HHdfBCZwQ_AUoAXoECAEQAw I am not familiar with schizophrenia but I offer support with Autism, ADHD, Borderline and PTSD, so feel free to reach out to me if you wish for 1/1 chat support with a Listener on these.