How does anyone survive BPD (just me venting pls don't judge)
Sometimes life just doesn't seem like it's worth the effort of constantly worrying about everything and hating everything about myself. Sometimes it seems that the reason I'm alive is only to make everyone around me happy even if it means that what I do to make them happy will hurt me mentally. I can't imagine what it would feel like to one day be happy by myself and not constantly feel empty the second I'm alone. I hate being attached to people so easily it is terrifying because I always know they will eventually leave me. I try to distance myself from others so that when they do leave it won't hurt as much, but it never works, when someone leaves I gain another reason to hate myself. Yet, I still really want someone to love me and I will do anything to keep them in my life even if they are horrible to me. I don't ever see myself truly being happy, I think I will always feel like I'm less than everyone else. I always end up doing something that later i regret and hate myself for, I will never live up to my own standards for myself that everyone around me has created.
Is there a way to feel even just a little better when having bpd, ill take any advice I can get bc im so lost.
@blxepxndx
I feel for you. Some of us who had not the best childhood and parents who were too busy or impaired to love us as much as we needed, are left with this empty feeling and need to be loved with no limits. It gives us validation and sense of life. You can call it BPD or whatever.
The problem is, there is no unconditional love in adulthood and attraction goes away eventually to be replaced by disappointment.
Simply, we're looking for love in the wrong places (or persons). We should be able to love ourselves. Of course easier said than done. I guess spirituality can help. Feeling accepted by the higher order or community. Having a trusted group of friends. Doing meaningful things with our lives.
Sometimes we have to lower expectations and assume not everyone is entitled to happiness. At least not all the time.
I'm not sure if I'm helping, if not, sorry!
Hey friend I also suffer the exact same thing and I even cried when reading your post. It is so true and it's extremely easy for us to fall back to the pattern of hopelessness and lose all hope in life 😭 I am not gonna say any bullshxt suggestion as other people gave to you before, like "Love yourself", "Think about positive things", "Things will get better", etc. All of them sound right but none of them help our problem. So right now I will only give you several ways to cope that I have tried myself before and found useful:
1. Call or text suicide prevention lines if you really feel intense emotions and just cannot stop yourself. I haved tried 741-741 (text only) and 988 (call or text), and they literally kept me safe during my most horrible stages of BPD in college years. I am not talking about using these lines as a regular therapy tool, but it can REALLY save your life when you need. I am living right now!!
2. I totally understand you do not have faith for the future and you do not have any hope. I feel the same way so I won't tell you junk encouragement like "Have hope", but instead, I want to introduce a way which makes sense to me that I learnt from a self-help video. It is actually about manifestation and I don't know if you believe these kinds of idea, and it told me that if you don't have faith in yourself and you don't believe in yourself right now, think about someone in your life whom you completely trust, and add that person into your manifestation that you have gotten all you want with that person's help. Even if you don't believe in these stuff, you can still try to imagine someone that you completely trust in this world will help you to go through this journey and you will be healed with the help of this person. It has nothing to lose for trying and I found it at least works for me that it gives me a little bit hope. You probably will tell me you don't have anyone to trust in your life, and that totally makes sense. Maybe you can try to make meaningful connections on 7 Cups and that's the reason you are here, because even though a person here betrays you, that person is still behind the screen and cannot bring you any hurt in your real life😅 Sometimes, help and trust from people can really bring hope! Lastly, I totally get the betrayal and abandonment fear we all have about trusting someone, and I am not telling you meaninglessness "suggestions" but just one thing - we have BPD symptoms and it means we are extremely sensitive to the goodness and evil of people around us, so if we find someone that we can build long-term and stable relationship with, it means that person has at least above-average morality and compassion and is less likely to betray you, as we have much higher standards than other people to make and choose connections as we do not tolerate "impure" relationship! (I hope you get this 😂)
I hope you can feel better and I hope all of us are healed! You are not alone in this journey and I am glad you're here and asking for help! Thank you so much again for reading this post and you are wonderful! You got this❤️
Forgot to add but for number 2, carefully use this method with your partner because they are those we have the deepest abandonment fear of, and sometimes they do bring us more hurt than others!😥 I highly recommend trying this method with a therapist or other mental health professionals, because they are supposed to help you to get through this and to build stable relationship with you!
@blxepxndx
Dear blxepxndx, thank you for sharing your story.
I can sense that there is some serious abdandonement fear going on in your life. I can relate to that to some degree and therefore can comprehend how difficult it is to constantly wait to be disappointed by people.
Somebody already mentioned this, but I will emphasize it again. I think that most important is learning how to love yourself, even when nobody else is around. The story of our lives (literally everybodies life) is that people are coming and going. Only a very little percentage of them are meant to stay. I learned to accept that along with my maturation and self-development work. I am not saying that eventually "everybody will leave" but just that, if it happens that somebody leaves, that you don't take this as something that has to do with your value as a person. People are leaving relationships for various reasons. The most frequent conclusion is that you are not the right fit - that people have different needs in different times of their life and sometimes we are not the right fit for their particular needs. This goes both ways - most people are most likely not the right fit for your needs too. It has nothing to do with us as with individuals, but it has everything to do with what is going on in us psychologicaly, our goals in life, value systems, global beliefs etc. For example, some people do not value deep or very intense relationships; some people literally prefer to keep things superficial. Therefore they move out when it is getting to intense. It has to do with their preference.
These are just some examples. You don't have to go out of your way in order to make others happy. Your most important task in this life is to feel happy. Also, happiness is not an end state, you will fall in and out of it... and that is life. Ultimatelly, you just want to be in peace with yourself and with the world around you. I am sure that with some self-development work you will get there. Just have patience with yourself and treat yourself with the utmost respect and love - just like you would those other people. The most important person in your life is you. You matter. Don't forget that! <3
