How do you control a scenario instead of letting your emotions terrify you?

Hey, everyone. Hi, hi. And happy new year.

It's been a few months now. I had to come back home after failing to get a job in the country I had migrated. I broke up with my partner. But, with this all, even though I do therapy and try so so *** hard (are we allowed to say ***?), my mind terrifies me. I can not keep one emotional state in check. Due to some things happening in that country with a god awful roommate, some things that are traumatic for me also came back. I pushed and pushed to make things work and now I am a mess of emotions. I see the biggest problem when it comes to making decisions of trying again to get a job and also my partner. My fear.. I have so much fear, I can't even tell you. Its the root behind it all.

I am struggling to keep scenarios in control. For example, I was offered a job in that country again which is close to my now ex (i dont know what we are) and I am terrified eventhough logically its a good job. Any new update scares me... And my mind changes directions constantly.. Who I trust, who hates me, who did what.

Guys.. I am so embarrassed to even be writing all this. I don't know. How do you keep one scenario in your mind instead of letting fear ride you to *** and back?

I am seeing a therapist. I am thinking of seeing a psychiatrist, too.