I created this account just to vent this...
I never told this about anyone because of how ashamed I feel... I’m not diagnosed with BPD but I can deeply relate to every single symptoms I’ve been reading online. I’ve been struggling throughout my childhoon until to this day because of how intense my emotions are especially when I’m emotionally commited to someone. It’s literally a disaster. I tried opening up about this to my Psychiatrist once. I told him that I relate to a lot of symptoms that people with BPD has. I wanted to tell him so he can atleast try to sympathize with me and he can help me find out what actually are the symptoms that I’ve been having, if they are BPD or not. I wanted him to enlighten me. Before I could even finish explaining to him my feelings, he just straight up told me “But people with Borderline Personality Disorder are not aware that they have that disorder.” I felt ashamed after that session and felt like I’m just being dramatic. Maybe I’m just making things up in my mind. Maybe I’m just reading too much stuff online. But after all, I feel what I feel. I’ve always been very self-aware that’s why I understand the emotions I go through. But still, I still have this part of me that convinces myself that I might just be making everything up... Now I feel ashamed to even relate to BPD related stuffs that I see. Or to even feel the things that I feel... I ghosted my Psychiatrist altogether after that. 😕
It's okay if you want to find a new psychiatrist. Not all psychiatrists are a good match or know how to talk to people. I don't now if what he said was even necessarily true? Also, was it a psychiatrist you were looking for, or a therapist or counselor?
I don't know how to edit my first post, but I just wanted to say a psychiatrist and a therapist or a counselor are different things. They provide different services. A psychiatrist prescribes medication but doesn't always provide counseling or talk therapy. Many of the time a psychiatrist does not provide or give advice either.
Hi! Thanks for the reply and sorry for the late response. I was dealing with a Psychiatrist. In the mental clinic I went to, they only have Psychiatrists and Counselors. The Psychiatrist that was assigned to me also gave me advices which are, in all honesty, I find not helpful. Thank you for clarifying to me their differences, it’s really insightful. My Psychiatrist had indeed insisted on prescribing me medicines but I kept on refusing it because in my personal experience before, being on meds only made my symptoms worse. May I hear your opinion about which mental health professional do you think I should be working with when dealing with a deep rooted problems that are probably from my childhood experiences?
The doubts you feel about whether you really have symptoms of bpd or if you could be making it up screams of BPDs unstable identity. I was upset when I was first diagnosed with bpd until I started reading about it. It was the biggest aha moment for me. I finally had an understanding of the emptiness and feeling the emotions of others. How I could mirror others personalities and was able to converse with anyone from all walks of life. The tough parts like feeling things so intensely which was often depression. I never took anger out on others, but I sure took it out on myself. Whether or not you are labeled BPD or not, it doesn’t change the fact that you still have the symptoms to deal with.